


Saviour

by Sofia_Summer1996



Series: Impractical Jokers Saviour Universe [2]
Category: Impractical Jokers, Tenderloins (Comedians)
Genre: Adventure, Completed, F/M, Freedom, Friendship, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 64,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4748720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sofia_Summer1996/pseuds/Sofia_Summer1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>COMPLETED!  Maggie Thorne is trying to make life work in New York city working in a slow dull coffee shop and living in a gutter end apartment her luck starts to change when she gains a new roomate and three new friends life is going so well until Maggie gets a phonecall that drags her back home she is forced to come clean to her friends about her mysterious background and doing so learn a few things about herself. </p><p>Loads of chapters but they're all pretty short.</p><p>****pure self  indulgent fluff I read some great impractical jokers fics on here but there is very little to choose from , hopefully you will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it for you</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> so as the summary says this is pure self indulgent fluff about the amazing guys that are the Tenderloins.. this is also my first ever Fan fiction so hopefully you will enjoy and please leave me some feedback to tell me how I'm doing. thank you!! :)
> 
>  
> 
> [Picset for chapters 1-16](http://moonchildflufftrash.tumblr.com/post/138371639403/picset-for-the-first-half-of-impractical-jokers)

The coffee machine wurred and the steam hissed, all around me unfamiliar accents yelled out orders and customers chatted and laughed. I was about 5 hours into my day and absolutely exhausted when I completed my diploma working in a coffee shop wasn’t exactly my plan but it was freaking New York City a placed I never even dreamed of visiting never mind living and working here.

 “Maggie?!” came a shout from the register area “Can you get me a vanilla cappuccino and plain latte and I need ya to jump on the register I have to take a call”

“Yeah no problem Sam be right there” I called back to my manager I wiped the sweat from my brow I couldn’t wait to get back to my apartment and crawl into bed with some sort of cult film and a huge take out. Kick back chill out and not have to smell the bitter scent of coffee beans for a while.

I put the last lid on the cup and rushed over to the register “sorry about tha” I giggled to the customer hopefully they wouldn’t be too angry “ It’s been a long day ye know” I tried to explain but  the two tall men standing waiting just looked at me alarmed had I said something wrong?

The older looking of the two men spoke first “was that even English?” the bearded man to his side let out a booming laugh and shrugged his shoulders. It took me a little minute to understand it was the accent a little too fast and eccentric for the Americans to understand being here about a year and a half I had learned to control it speak a little slower pronounce my words a little better but sometimes when I had sank into a daydream the old brogue of home crept back up on me.

I took a pause before smiling at the two men stood before me _“_ I’m so sorry gentlemen still getting used to talking to the customers with the accent” the two guys where perfectly understanding.

“It’s fine what was that though Scottish?” non-bearded guy asked he was quite a big guy  his hair thinning a little and grey but he had the most piercing blue eyes and a really contagious smile.

“Irish” I corrected

“Ah sure, sorry Irish”

“It’s Maggie” I corrected a second time pointing to the name badge pinned on my apron.

“Yeah you’re just Irish now” he laughed again. I rolled my eyes not sure whether to take this guy seriously it was bearded guys turn to step in and cut the tension

He hit his amigo on the shoulder “C’mon Joe don’t bother the little lady” did he just wink at me? Coming on pretty strong for someone I’ve only just met he was kind of gorgeous though he was a big guy with unruly hair that curled around the bottom of his neck and was flattened down with a cap. His chocolate brown eyes made my stomach flutter as he looked at me I tried to focus on running up the orders on the register to stop myself staring.

“Seriously man is there nobody you won’t flirt with?” Joe rolled his eyes at his friend severing the moment of connection we had just had.

 Straight off the bat Joes buddy answered his friends question “yeah, Murr!” the two friends collapsed into laughter still sniggering as they paid for their coffees and took their seats.

After I served the two customers behind these two strange guys I stood and watched them for a while. They seemed cool laughing and joking with each other the kind of people you could hang out with and just have a good, chilled time. The one called Joe was writing in a note book and his friend had what looked like an iPad and every time they laughed loud they would take notes straight away. I became distracted after that cleaning and getting ready to close up.

The two guys had left but not before Joe had the chance to yell “Bye Irish” at me. I locked up shop and thought nothing more of it as I made my way back to my tiny apartment, when I converted all my euros into dollars I found I had significantly less than what I thought this was all I could afford to rent I had a lock on the door and a window that works so I couldn’t complain much.

After I ate my take out I clicked onto Facebook for a little while there was nothing much to see, college friends uploading photos and the usual dramatic statuses I promised Sam I’d post on the coffee trees page about our changed opening hours that week as she was going on vacation. That’s when I noticed a review I hadn’t yet seen from a Brian Quinn. I couldn’t recall a Brian having been in the stop that day but since they took the time to write it I would do the same to read it. 

_“First coffee here, nice quiet place to get work done, pretty little waitress, will be back soon.”_

Of course the huge flirt from earlier. I rolled my eyes yet again as I logged off to get ready for bed but part of me hoped I would see those two intriguing guys again.


	2. Apartment hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second part of my first ever fic saviour a lot longer than the first chapter but enjoy anyway :)

Sunday morning came and after swapping a few texts with Sam whishing her well on her vacation.  I decided to go out and make some sort of adventure from my day off taking the one thing that I valued more than my own life my old film camera I went to shoot New York on a lazy March Sunday I had always loved photography capturing a single moment that would never be repeated and the city was definitely the place for finding interesting people to capture. After a few pictures of the usual pigeons, homeless drunks and stray dogs I made my way home to get ready for work the next day.

I usually tried to get home before dark, the neighbourhood got a little creepy after that it seemed every week something was being set on fire right outside the building, Sam told me I needed to find a super-rich man to “keep me Sweet and safe” as she had put it but apart from the occasional one night stand I hadn’t had much of a romantic life in the big apple it suited me though. It’s not that I was afraid of commitment it just wasn’t me.

As I unlocked the door I could hear Mrs Redding upstairs screaming at her cat again and down below the greasy spotted weed smoking teens where practicing their bands music again. The noise had just become everyday background noise that I had to block out. Don’t get me wrong I loved it here I just wish I didn’t have to live in a place where I had to keep my largest kitchen knife under my pillow.

Maybe it was time to look for a better place to live.

Monday morning arrived a lot more too quickly than I would of liked I pulled myself from my bed pulled my cosy clothes on there was no point in dressing up much it was only Monday and cycled the couple of streets to the shop. The newspapers had already been delivered when I arrived and after the morning rush of sleepy business men looking for a caffeine boost had past I flicked through one to the advertisement section. I circled a few but none really jumped out at me I was about to give up when I noticed the tiniest advert on the page was for an apartment.

“ **Roommate/house sitter wanted**

**Away on business a lot, low rent, clean apartment**

**Nice area, No Junkies!**

**Call James on *********”**

It almost seemed to be too good to be true but I couldn’t not take the chance that it might be my opportunity to get out of the gutter I had been living in. I quickly dialled the number before I could change my mind I tried not to pace around the store as I waited for someone to answer the phone. At last somebody responded.

“Hi is that James”

_“Err yeah how can I help?”_

“Well my name is Maggie I had seen your ad and was wondering if the room was still available?”

_“Okay Maggie just hold on a second and ill pencil you in for an interview”_

“Interview?”

_“Well you do understand I just can’t agree to let anybody live at my home while I’m away”_

I thought about this for a second then realised he was probably right I arranged to meet him the next morning, I would just have to get Sam’s brother Jason to open up and cover the morning rush.

This is it Maggie I thought as I put down the phone this could be your golden ticket. I worked all through the afternoon with a smile on my face , I even had a few Irish tourists who were on “holidays” as we called it was so nice to hear a familiar accent again after so long”

Just before closing time I was getting ready to serve my last customer who ordered a vanilla cappuccino, a plain latte with sugar, a black coffee and a Mango smoothie to go.  The familiar order of the vanilla and plain led my mind back to yesterday’s two customers who’s laughs where still in the back of my mind. The customer who ordered looked around those guys age not as tall as the bearded guy had been but still quite a big guy he was well groomed with black thick glasses surrounding his emerald green eyes he little awkward and shy but polite all the same while ordering.  I think they all stood out so much because they didn’t look like the type of people I would usually serve they were always business men with not even enough time for a hello or a thank you these new faces where so laid back and always smiling and courteous . 

As I made up the order I could feel his eyes watching me behind his glasses and believe me they were very fine eyes in deed oh Maggie I thought to myself this guy’s way too old for you, it didn’t mean I couldn’t admire though. I’d always appreciated peoples beauty because I never found myself beautiful so when I seen other people I felt they had a right to know that girl on the subway who was crazy curvy but still wore whatever she wanted or that guy with too many spots but still had the most awesome hair I had seen on a guy since my brother. People all over whether they knew it or not are beautiful things despite all the flaws they think they have.

 Anyway this guy was adorable so shy and soft spoken gentle I felt some sort of connection with this guy something about him just seemed like he really needed a hug. I just hoped his personality was the as nice as his looks there was nothing worse than a beautiful person with an ugly personality. By the time I had talked myself into making small talk with him he had his phone to his ear “Go for Vulcano, oh Hi ma. Yes I’m still coming for dinner, yeah I’ll pick Jenna up from work, No I won’t forget the ice cream” he spoke softly with a thick New York accent when his order was finished and ready to go he flashed me a beaming smile and left with his drinks, soon to be forgotten in the back of my mind working here I made about 30, 5 minute friendships every day and the occasional romance but nothing ever came of it seemed that was the life I was destined to live falling in love with these random strangers was just something I became used to but I liked it that way no man to hold me down I was a free spirit.

When I had gotten home from work that night I had my shower and had to choose clothes for this “interview“ I had the next day when I first came here I had gone crazy buying clothes the sizes here where so much more versatile than back home more sizes and styles it was great I still had only two styles though elegant business woman in respectable dresses or just out of bed, crack whore and I think for the interview I was to go for the better option.

I settled into bed in my freezing cold room and  put a film on my laptop but I could barely keep my eyes open past the monkeys and monolith scene. I snuggled down with my old ragged teddy bluebell and drifted into dreams hopeful for what the next day might offer me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REVIEW!!!


	3. Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggies Interview with James, an unwanted visitor and some very dirty magazines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is part 3 and the last one ill update today please tell me what you think and if the response is good enough i will have 4, 5 and maybe 6 up as soon as I write them

My alarm woke me early to the reasonably sunny new day any glimpse of sunshine here was an upgrade from Ireland and its maximum 3 days of warm weather a year. I done my hair nice and slipped on my cleanest black A line dress with heels, smart but not going out to party style was the target I think I was going for.

 I checked and double checked the address I was given just to make sure when I arrived outside I was speechless it was huge and beautiful there where trees in the lobby and a smiling doorman outside the neighbourhood was clean and covered in flowers. I got a nervous not in my stomach as I realised how out of my depth I felt being here.

  I remember thinking this guy must make big money to live somewhere like this he did say he was away on business a lot what if he thought I was too common? I got into the elevator and smoothed down my dress still playing with the polished peridot crystal around my neck it was a gift for my 10th birthday 12 years later I hadn’t removed it once. 

I took a deep breath and raised my hand to knock on the door.  Part of me wanted to run but my feet where stuck fast to the floor _you can do this Maggie you are awesome_! I repeated this over and over so much in my head I needed to believe it.

There was still no answer from the apartment which led to my anxiety worsening that stupid voice in my head telling me It was all a bad idea and after 7 minutes of waiting I was starting to think it was right I stepped back towards the elevator and pressed the button just as the doors opened a skinny well-dressed man rushed out knocking me over in the process “I..I’m so sorry I didn’t see you there well... obviously ha-ha oh gosh let me help you up”

I took his hand as I got to my feet “Its fine” I reassured him “I can guarantee I’m just as clumsy _”_ his face changed as soon as he heard the accent

“Oh you must be Maggie I’m James? We spoke on the phone yesterday?” suddenly I felt bad for trying to leave and doubting he existed.

He fumbled around for his keys to unlock the door “I can’t apologise enough for being late I was visiting my mother in hospital and it’s so difficult to hail a cab around this time”

“Don’t worry about it” I smiled “I’ve come to see how useful owning a bike is in the city”

He opened the door at long last and invited me in I gazed around me in awe at the crisp white carpet lining the floor, matching furniture and absolutely huge flat screen on the wall. This guy had to be making big money “take a seat “ James called from the kitchen area adorned in beautiful mahogany counter tops and chrome fixings _. “Can I get you an ice tea?”_

  “No thanks I’m sweet” he raised an eyebrow at me “it means I’m good” I explained another think I’d learned when coming here ice tea is not real tea like I was used to at home.

He returned and took a seat opposite me “So Maggie let’s get started can you tell me your last name your age and occupation and a little about yourself if you don’t mind”

“Well” I started “My names Maggie Thorne I’m 22, obviously you can tell I’m from Ireland I’ve been here around 18 months and I work in a coffee shop although I have my diploma in both media and travel. My hobbies include being the ultimate film nerd and water sports but I don’t get to do much of it anymore I don’t own a TV and never have the resources to get to the beach you know.. Sorry am I talking to fast?”

“No no” he laughed “I think I’m keeping up just fine”

“phew okay good” I giggled “well I live in a really bad area at the minute and I think for my own safety and sanity I need to find somewhere a little bit less life endangering so.. Here I am”

“Well you seem perfectly fine to me I don’t see any reason I shouldn’t consider you” he began to explain “My roommate has just moved out to get married so I have a spare room and I’ve also just started going away on business a lot so I’ve got worried about leaving this place alone”

“I can hear ya on that one, back home you could sleep sound with your door unlocked but in here it’s locked even when I’m at home”

James smiled at this he had a nice smile seemed like a nice enough guy too “would you like to see the rest of the house?” he offered

 “sure lead the way” I followed him around the house as he explained how everything worked I studied his face and how he talked so excitedly about everything

“Well you’ve seen the kitchen and the sitting room” I nodded as he lead me down a short corridor that had 3 doors I learned one was the bathroom that had a beautiful shower and Jacuzzi type bath

“this is my room” James told me as he opened one of the other doors and allowed me to walk in first I stood in shock as soon as I walked, unable to do or say anything the whole room was littered in pornographic magazines and there was also a very agitated cat roaming the room that looked pretty pissed it had been left in the room I tried to ignore the alarming amount of paraphernalia littering the room I managed to utter a few words to James who was stood behind me “I…I didn’t know you owned a cat?”

“What!?” he roared confused “I don’t own a… OH MY GOD!” he was obviously just as shocked as I was “Maggie I am so sorry these are not mine _”_ he tried to usher me out of the room as fast as possible and closed the door.

 I held my hands up “hey each to their own you know” I honestly had no idea whether to believe him or not but before the incident he seemed like an honest enough guy so why shouldn’t I.  

“No I’m serious” he pleaded “See my friends joke around a lot and they knew about the interview today and oh dear this is so awkward.”

We took a seat back in the living room again I gazed around the room not quite knowing what to say. Poor James was bright red and showed no signs of calming down. 

“So uh these friends do they prank you often?” I asked, he relaxed a little when he see I was seeing the funny side to it

“yeah we kind of all do it to each other I guess it’s been a running thing since high school and now on the show”

“The show?” now I was interested.

 James looked at me as if I had 3 heads “you don’t watch a lot of TV do you?” I shook my head now it was his turn to laugh “wow well yeah um long story but me and my buddies have a show on the air it’s become a pretty big deal and its great fun too”

“well looks like I’ve been talking to a celebrity all day and not even known it” I joked James shook his head

“oh please don’t think of me as that I’m just James Murray normal guy” his smile made me feel reassured

“well James Murray normal guy if you’re still willing to give me the room can I bring around some of my stuff tonight?” his face lit up

 “Oh my gosh you mean it? Of course!” After chatting for another half our about the show and his tour dates We hugged out our goodbye I left the building practically dancing down the street I had a new home and a new friend and life tasted sweet!


	4. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie gets settled into her new home and James brings home a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to anyone thats reviewed so far please continue to let me now how it is the chapters get a little longer from here and a little more detail into the guys and Maggies friendships

I rushed home as fast as my long legs could get me making mental notes along the way that I’d better call the landlady maybe I’ll even finally be able to use that huge fuck you I’d been building up for her. I didn’t have much to pack clothes, a few books James said I wouldn’t need any bedding which  was good because mine was second hand from a thrift store and probably infectious I couldn’t possibly forget my camera oh and bluebell of course . Damn I had more than I thought

I made the decision to stop by The Coffee Tree on my way back to pick up a few boxes to put my things in and to make sure Jase hadn’t burned the place down while I was gone just as I reached to open the door it flew at me almost flooring me for the second time today I was livid “HEY WHAT THE FUCK MAN!”  I roared having lost my good mood the smile on the large guys face only grew “Heyyy pretty lady, how are ya?”  Of course it had to be that flirty guy.

“I was almost knocked to the ground that’s how I am!” I got to my feet dusting down my dress .

“oh honey don’t fall at my feet” he laughed until he seen I was genuinely angry “whoa hey I’m sorry I honestly didn’t mean to” all I could do was huff at him but his brown puppy eyes where so difficult to be angry at damn did he look good though it’s not like he was well dressed but the way his hat tamed his scruffy hair and his stubble outlined his jaw phew. “Its fine, Brian isn’t it?”

 His face lit up when he seen I had remembered his name “that’s me, whatcha up to anyway?”

“Just getting some boxes, I’m in kind of a rush so I’d better go”

“Boxes why? Are you going home, leaving us already? _”_ I rolled my eyes at this guy seriously he had known me about 10 minutes “No Brian this is my home now I’m just moving to a different apartment but like I said in a rush gotta go” I ran into the shop before he could even attempt to continue the shameless amount of flirting he was doing. Thank fully Jason was coping well and even offered to cover half of my shift the next day so I could get settled I kissed him on the cheek as I grabbed the boxes telling him he was a “wee dote” which he would of found out later had he googled it was a _“ little darling”_

I arrived later that night at the new apartment letting myself in with the key James had given me couldn’t of felt better my room was immaculate the bed had been made for me and James had left a beautiful bunch of blue tulips by my bed I felt like I was in a hotel room it seemed like some sort of dream. I unpacked what little items I did have as I wracked my mind trying to think what I would use all this new gotten space.

James arrived shortly after 6 with some take out as we got cosy on opposite sofas and got to know each other a little better from what I gathered he was 38 born and bred in Staten island he was a Taurus and his friends called him Murr. “So what’s your story?” he asked me as he threw a can of coke toward me , catching it in one hand I just shrugged at him “Nothing much to tell raised in Ireland on the coast, studied my diploma in Liverpool, England then got my ticket here as soon as I got the chance”

 _“_ There must be more to it than that” he quizzed I pulled my knees up to my chest and pulled the long sleeves of my hoodie down over my hands I felt safe this way “sorry Murr that’s all there is to tell” things became quiet after that not quite knowing what to say to each other I decided to clean up the mess from the take out we had while Murr went off for a shower I gazed out the window at the beautiful sunset through the neighbouring buildings and my thoughts drifted to home and how the warm sun looked as it set behind the peak of Muckish mountain.  I was brought back to earth from my thoughts as I heard Murr exit the shower he emerged shortly after from his room

I wiped my eyes quickly but I think he still saw me if he did he never said anything only asking did I want to watch a film before bed. We settled for a comedy and squealed with laughter the whole way through he had a great laugh so warm and contagious as I slid under my fresh warm sheets that night I felt safe for the first time since I arrived in the city.

I woke early the next morning creeping out to the kitchen area I could hear Murr still snoring in his room I watched the sun rise over the city before I slipped on my shoes and cycled to work I made some mental notes on the way there to pick up some fresh food to make dinner for James to thank him for giving me the chance at a better life.

The morning passed slow since it was such a warm day nobody bought coffee I had a few orders for smoothies but mostly just sat at the register stacking cups until they fell down after that wore out I began to plait my hair into a satisfying style I pouted in my pocket mirror “you are adorable” I uttered to myself

“yes you are!” came a familiar voice from the doorway I threw down the mirror and tried to calm my face that was burning red. The deep brown eyes of my new admirer gazed down at me under the brim of a baseball cap with a cheeky smile “Brian! Hi ha-ha… quiet day you know” he laughed at me until an uncomfortable silence came over I was too busy gazing at those chocolate eyes I hadn’t realised he had company the figure behind him gave an awkward cough snapping me from my gaze it took me a little minute but I recognized him as the adorable awkward guy who came in for a smoothie a few days back. These guys where friends? Small world huh.

Remembering these guys where here for a drink and not just to pay a pleasant visit I decided It be best getting back to work “so guys what can I get yous?” of course Brian had to speak first with his booming voice “well my pretty little lady I will take one of your finest iced mochas and for Salvatore here…” Brian motioned to his awkward friend

“Um.. Just a mango Smoothie please.” he spoke with a smile but never made eye contact Brian left to “ _relive himself”_ in the bathroom while I made up the drinks and took them down to the table where the newly named Salvatore sat.

“So…uh Salvatore that’s an interesting name”

He glanced up and looked around as if I couldn’t possibly be talking to him “uh yeah my friends just call me Sal though skip the formality of it” he had a thick accent not as deep as Brains but still nice to listen too “I got ya,” I replied with a wink “Well Sal, enjoy your smoothie.”

It was nearing 2 o’clock and Jase would be coming in soon to take over I thought I had better go and get out of my apron. When I returned to the front Brian had left the bathroom and was in his seat I couldn’t help but notice how much more relaxed Sal was when chatting to him I had only met this guy twice but for some reason I couldn’t begin to explain I felt a connection with him he seemed so awkward and kind of lonely.  I kept making seriously awkward eye contact with Brian was he staring at me? I gave him a playful wave and he winked at me what a charmer but he did keep me smiling I had no doubt I would run into him unexpectedly again.

Jason finally arrived explaining his Mom had lost her glasses by sitting on them yet again I didn’t give him too much of a hard time for it the guy was doing me a favour I said goodbye to Brian in an oh so dramatic farewell where he insisted on kissing my hand while slipping me his number written on a napkin can you believe this guy? I assured him I would think about. Sal gave me a smile and a wave and I left for home.

My stomach butterflies fluttered as I cycled home with the groceries thinking of a possible date with Brian I mean sure he came off a little forward but have you seen that smile and those eyes he probably knew it himself but he was very charming. I decided I’d wait a few days then give him a call.

Murr wasn’t yet home from wherever he had been when I got back I decided to go ahead and start dinner there wasn’t a lot on offer at the corner store so I decided to throw a few things together and make a stir fry if there was one thing I could thank my travel diploma on it was my knowledge of dishes around the world. I managed to find the Wi-Fi password and log on to my laptop it had been so long since I’d listened to Disney songs it was kind of my guilty pleasure I had even auditioned for the official cruse but was turned down because I couldn’t get a “believable American accent” I skipped around the kitchen throwing things into the wok on the stove as I sang along with Ariel in her underwater cavern I didn’t hear Murr turning the key in the door as I nailed the high note my confidence was ultimately broken when I heard a familiar voice behind me make his presence known with a shocked “HEY! It’s Irish” oh gosh I thought to myself now what was his name Jacob? John? Better go with a secure “heyyy…you?”

Murr was equally as stunned as I was “you two know each other?”

“Yeah!” Jerry?  Confirmed “me and Irish go way back don’t we?” All I could do was laugh and shake my head “No we don’t, we met at work like once” I explained “but how do you know each other?”

Murr stepped up for this one “well me and Joey here” JOE that was it! “We’ve been friends since high school”

“Friends, roommates, lovers” Joe butted in Murr gave him a displeased look as he continued “yeah we were roommates up until recently but definitely not lovers! And Joes on the show too”

“Oh wow” I said “well it’s nice to meet you properly Joe” I offered my hand to him to shake but was instead pulled into a restricted bear hug “come here you!” he bellowed “this is how we hug in the Gatto family” I was beginning to like this guy Joe said or rather told me he would stay for dinner I didn’t mind I had made plenty for lunches this week anyway I was so used to having to live off the same few ingredients between pay checks.

 

I plated up the food while Murr poured us a glass of wine each and an ice tea for Joe. I took my first sip and it was a very nice glass indeed. “So” Joe began “How well can you drink Irish?”

 _“_ Well enough and its Maggie!” I retorted Joe ignored this and began naming as many stereotypical Irish drinks as he could he sure was persistent “Maggie’s not one for explaining herself much Joe leave her be _”_ Murr averted the conversation to something about work writers meetings etc. _“who does write the show”_ I asked

“Mostly we do” Murr explained “we’ll meet up and shoot ideas at each other and the best get written down” this sentence sent my mind reeling back to my first meeting with Joe and that goddamn flirt that couldn’t of been what they were doing could it and if so does this mean Brian was on the show? My fears where confirmed in the next few minutes by a ring on the doorbell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review. :)


	5. unexpected visit

Murr glanced at me with a confused look “where you expecting someone?” I shook my head “No I don’t think so”

Joe rose from the table “I’ll get it” he moaned as he strutted off in a very feminine swagger. “Well hello you two” he greeted our mystery visitors like a Brooklyn house wife “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Relax Joseph we’re not here to see you, we’ve come to welcome Murrs new roommate” a soft voice spoke

A new voice butted in loud and obnoxious “and from what we’ve heard she’s a pretty fine and young piece of….” There was a silence in the room I looked at Brian and he at me then to Murr staring open mouthed. Joe slapped him on the back “Speechless are we Q, young Margaret here is our new family member”

 I smiled at these words but felt I had to correct Joe “it’s just Maggie not Margaret”

 _“_ Bet you feel pretty stupid now” Sal muttered to Brian.

Brian just scowled at his friend before taking a seat beside me “Heyy pretty lady” he grinned “you still haven’t called me for that drink”

 I gave a dramatic eye roll “seriously dude it’s been 4 hours, you need to chill your thirst _”_ this got a laugh from the guys as I collected the plates and made my way to the kitchen area. While the guys gathered on the sofas to watch some sports channel I hadn’t really got into it much since living here so I sneaked off to my room and decided I’d treat myself to a bath.

I lay under the mountain of bubbles I’d poured in and watched the steam rise to the ceiling as I listened to the guys joking and laughing outside each one so different it took me a while to identify those Joes was loud Murrs was high pitched Brains was loud and deep and Sals was plain contagious one of those laughs that would make you laugh along.

The guys hadn’t left by the time I emerged from the bathroom wrapping my wet curls up in a towel hat so I settled on some grey track bottoms or “sweatpants” as they were called here matched with a baby blue vest top.  I poured a few chips and dips into a bowl and cooked some popcorn and brought it over to the guys taking a seat on the floor beside Sals feet I stared out the window at all the city lights glowing like a million fireflies “beautiful isn’t it?” Sal asked me softly

“Breath-taking” I agreed “no stars though back home you could see every star outlined in the sky and even the odd comet or two”

 Sal looked amazed “whoa that sounds beautiful, I love seeing stars but like ya said not many here” the conversation trailed off after that not an awkward silence just a comfortable one.

Brian got to his feet and motioned to my empty wineglass “A refill my lady?” I eyed him with a cheeky grin “I’d love one Q thanks but you gotta stop calling me your lady, Maggie Thorne is nobodies lady” Qs grin grew wider “you mean the delightfully lovely Miss Thorne is not a reserved woman? Hey Joe you should get her set up with Larry” this sentence prompted all four guys to erupt into a loud cheer of “LARRY!”

“Who’s Larry?” I whispered to Sal

“Yeah Joe who is Larry?”

Joe gave a shrug as he threw a handful of popcorn into his mouth “Larry is Larry”

I finished my glass of wine and got to my feet “well guys it was nice meeting you properly but I got work in the morning so I’m gonna get some sleep” Joe gave me yet another signature bear hug and Brian then pulled me in for one too but held on a little longer than most hugs usually last it was warm and safe I could feel the butterflies in my stomach again. I decided that to save myself embarrassment I would pull away first.

 “Hey that should be one of your skits hug a stranger for the longest” the guys all looked at each other and simultaneously started taking notes. “We’ll try to keep the noise down Maggie, Goodnight” Murr said sweetly.

I was asleep in minuets listening to the traffic on the street below and the guys soothing laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> review!!!


	6. Anger and attraction

Life continued just the same for a while I had built up a good friendship with the guys they would come over and hang out a few nights after work and we would just sit around watching movies and chilling before I knew it I had been living with Murr almost a month. They had been out of town for about a week and a half on tours and press meets so I had my hours reduced to look after the apartment and Brains apartment too.

After the shop I’d go over to Brains to feed his three “Babies” they were adorable one I even recognised Benjamin as the agitated cat Quinn had hid in Murrs apartment on the day of my interview.

 I’d lay up on Q’s sofa reading some of this not so precious comic books as they crawled around me, scuttling on my hair or playing with my bracelets As much of a ladies man as Brian tried to act there was clearly a softer side to a man who lived alone with 3 cats.  The whole apartment was him in every way memorabilia and merchandise everywhere along with Photos of his parents, ones with Sal and a group photo of the guys at “Murrs wedding” poor Sal looked ready to kill something. 

It had gotten to Friday afternoon and the guys where due back that evening it had been a relaxing week without them but I had really missed the laughter around the place. I had planned a huge dinner to welcome them home as they would have arrived in the city in that morning and having fittings done all day on their tuxes for Joe’s upcoming wedding and if I knew the guys like I thought I did they would be starving when they landed back to the apartment.

Murrs apartment just seemed to be the regular hang out for the guys occasionally they would head to Brains but only if he agreed to put the cats in the bedroom to which he usually disagreed. I’d learned Sal was afraid of a lot of things including cats and germs which explains why he never invited the guys to his and Bessy,  Joes wife to be had put a ban on the guys from her and Joes place after the last incident involving Murr and Bessys mother I never asked what it was about and I’m glad I didn’t.

Me and Brian had eventually swapped numbers after I convinced him it was only to keep in contact with him and the guy’s when they were away but I don’t think he bought it, come to think of it I don’t think I did either. We had grown closer over time due to his excessive flirting and in time I had started to flirt back harmless glances and play fighting but no kissing had come of it yet didn’t mean I couldn’t day dream about it though.

 I mean the guy was older than my Brother but I couldn’t help but get butterflies when we made eye contact across the room or when he came skipping into work announcing his order to me as loud as he possibly could. The more time I spent with him the more I started to feel things I hadn’t felt in a very long time I couldn’t possibly tell him though I’d never live down the embarrassment if he didn’t feel the same, sure we flirted like crazy but he flirted with everyone that girl that worked in reception at their office the older retired widow that lived across from Murr heck even Joe sometimes.

I kept myself busy preparing the burritos and nachos for dinner that night while I sang old songs to myself of California dreams and going to San Francisco with flowers in my hair. Though I never let it show I was such a flower child at heart it was something I couldn’t escape from no matter how many miles away from home I ran.

As I stood at the window chewing my lip and day dreaming of the past a message chimed on my phone I smiled when I seen it was from Brian and I smiled even harder when I read it

_Hey pretty lady, should be finished up soon see you then x_

I took a breath and sighed and slid my phone back into the pocket of my sweatpants wait sweatpants? Shit In all the chaos of preparing dinner I had forgotten to prepare myself I dashed to the bedroom throwing open my wardrobe and flinging clothes left right and centre I had treated myself to a new dress last week and finally had the perfect chance to wear it .

I applied some make up bit of Smokey eye and my signature red lipstick and stepped on front of the floor length mirror that Murr used to admire his new bow ties. Damn Maggie I thought to myself for someone who never felt pretty you look pretty damn good tonight. The Knee length purple dress and soft black lace band around my waist outlined my curves properly. I attached some ear rings as I pouted to myself in the mirror. I totally wasn’t doing all this to impress Q.. Was I? I didn’t have time to answer that thought as I heard a key turn in the door as the sound four very loud and very hungry gentlemen make their presence known. I pulled on my heels and made my way out to greet the guys.

“Where’s our Irish?!?” I heard Joe call followed by the distinctive laughter of Sal.

There was a stunned silence when I emerged from my room waved to the guys the silence made me edgy “Is it too much?” I murmured, Joe was the first to speak “Fellas our little Irish has pulled a Cinderella on us” I blushed so hard at the comment I hadn’t yet made eye contact with Brian I was just going to let him soak it all in I felt so confident

“Psst Sal close your mouth dude jeez” Murr hissed at Vulcano before turning to me “what smells so good?”

“Oh feck the food, come sit” I motioned towards the dining table “you have to tell me everything!” I rushed off to the kitchen catching Brains gaze as I passed. My heart was beating so hard I could barely keep still I felt like a hummingbird.  I served the food and took a seat beside Murr despite my developing feelings for Q, I had missed James the most it wasn’t as fun watching films by myself and having nobody to chat too late at night and the way his little baby face lit up when I asked him about this day. “So! What did you four get up to?”

“It was incredible Maggie” Joe began “I’ve never felt so alive than being on those stages listening to people laugh at my jokes”

“Erm our jokes?” Sal notified

“Yeah yeah these three had input I guess”

“Joe tell Maggie what you did to Sals hotel room” Q shouted across the table

“Oh guys” Murr whined “not while we’re eating”

“Speaking of eating this food is delicious!” Sal praised.

“Not as delicious as your Mom” Q announced gaining a smug high five from Joe

“Or your sister!” Murr added the 3 guys erupted into an unending laughter Poor Sals face only grew redder he had warmed to me a lot more since I moved in he still always spoke with the same soft voice but we talked a lot more and even hung out together when he came by the shop, sometimes he would quiz me on my intentions with “his Brian” and I plain faced lied him it was only harmless flirting because I was pretty sure he was feeding what I said back to Q.

I sat enjoying my food and just smiling I had missed these guys so much. Hearing them argue like brothers competing for a toy was so amusing

“Is it a home recipe?” Murr asked between bites

“You could say that” I teased

“You never talk about home Maggie what’s it like?” Brian inquired

“This is my home now I don’t need to talk about it” I waved off the auestion as I chewed on a piece of tortilla

“But I mean back in Ireland?” he continued

“I know what you mean Brian.”

“But really you must have some stories? Siblings and parents?”

“I told you I don’t want to fucking talk about it okay?!” I had hit boiling point I collected the dishes in silence and stomped off to the kitchen tears stinging my eyes why couldn’t he just leave it alone. The silence around the dinner table was broken after a minute or so when they started talking about their favourite parts of the tour

I stood in the kitchen sipping wine and wiping the mascara that had ran, _“this is your home now Maggie, this is where you belong_ ” I told myself

“You look beautiful tonight you know”

 A deep voice from behind had me spinning round to see the sad apologetic face of Q “well” I sniffed “not too much right now”

“I always think so” he reassured. “I’m really sorry I made you mad at me” he looked as feet as he spoke I’d never seen him so insecure.

“Its fine buddy” I petted his scruffy hair “your precious babies really missed you y’know”

He gave a slight smile stepping a little nearer to me “I hope you missed me too” he winked

“I might of just a little” I looked up at him biting my lip.

“I missed you” he stood so close I could smell the vague smell of body spray and his shampoo he looked me deep in the eyes as he pressed his lips to mine. I felt his beard scratch my face as I ran my fingers through his hair pulling him closer as he slid his arms around my waist. The butterflies in my stomach where high and flying now all I could think of was him nothing else was real in that moment.

We pulled apart and just gazed each other not really knowing what to say he still held me close I wanted him so bad but the voice of anxiety kicked in again telling me it was wrong, that he was my friend I was going to ruin everything having feelings for him “I’m so sorry Q” I whispered as I pulled from his grip leaving him breathless and alone in the kitchen.

I returned to the three remaining friends as they sat on the sofas laughing over Murrs failed attempt to woo a girl at one of their shows after parties

“Seriously buddy” Sal said between laughs “she couldn’t have gotten away fast enough if she could fly”

“Oh leave him alone Vulcano he’ll find a perfectly nice woman before you ever will” I defended, Sal made a face at me sticking his tongue out to which I done the same in return. After what had happened in the kitchen I felt far too over dressed to just be chilling with the guys I wandered back to my room to change when I passed Q just leaving my bedroom he didn’t say a word as he passed by me the familiar scent of the embrace I once held with him drifting by.

 I pulled on my most oversized hoodie over my dress and sat down on the bed to gather my thoughts I was so conflicted on one hand I wanted this absolutely gorgeous man and on the other I couldn’t forgive myself If I ruined one of the best friendships I’d ever had with these four guys.  I threw myself back on to the bed grabbing a pillow to scream into that’s when I noticed the small unfamiliar wrapped package placed carefully on my favourite side of the bed I opened it up to reveal a soft cuddly replica of Benjamin cat. It was the sweetest thing I held it tight realising it smelled just like Brian too. 

I returned to the group with my mini Benji stuffed in my pocket. Seeing that Q had decided to join us again I curled up on the Sofa beside Joe to which he quipped “Careful Irish I’m almost a bound man” I gave him a playful hit and retreated into the safeness of fitting as much of me inside my hoodie as I could.

*******

I walked the guys to the door as Murr cleaned up the empty bottles and chip packets strewn around the place. Joe gave me a kiss on the cheek and Sal granted me a friendly if slightly awkward hug and bid me goodnight Brian shuffled in the hallway mulling over whether he should hug me or not. I pulled him to me wrapping my arms around his waist as he engulfed me in warmth as we pulled away I waved Mini Benji at him mouthing “Thank you” Q said nothing just giving me a cheeky wink and walked towards the elevator.  


	7. picnic in the park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie and Sal spend some time together

“So you actually kissed him!” Samantha gasped as she sat on the worktop swinging her legs while I prepared the coffee machine for the day ahead. I sighed as I explained for the third time that morning what had happened “shh! Yes I kissed him, but it was a mistake”

“Ooooo” she shrieked “look at you Miss Maggie Malone kissing a big celebrity”

“The song was Molly Malone you div and he’s not a big time celebrity he’s just Q” I checked my watch 10 minutes until opening.

“That may be the case Maggs” Samantha continued jumping down off the worktop to open the shutters “but I know plenty of girls would want to get in his bed”

“That’s fine” I called out to her “they can have him, I can’t picture him that way sure he’s amazingly hot and sweet and those eyes…” I quickly snapped back to my point “I can’t imagine myself sleeping with the guy!”

Samantha popped her head around the kitchen door “you mean you totally wouldn’t fuck him?”

“No I totally wouldn’t fuck him” I mocked walking back out to the front to stock the pastries.

“Wouldn’t fuck who?” shit that was definitely Sals voice behind me I turned around to see the sleepy but always well groomed Vulcano offering the brightest smile I’d seen that day so far.

“Wouldn’t fuck ahhh….” I stammered what the hell was I supposed to say.

“Ben Affleck!” Sam interjected “Morning Sally” she teased, Sal rose his eyebrow at me

“It’s true” I nodded “just don’t find him attractive like that”

“good save” I mouthed to Sam as she passed me with Sals usual “Wait. Sal it’s Wednesday? You never come in on Wednesday” I queried to him

“Well y’know I just wanted to know if you wanna get lunch later” he shrugged

“I haven’t even had breakfast yet , Murr and I slept in this morning” I said laughed wiping the sleep still resting in my eyes

“Brunch it is then I’ll meet you at your apartment in an hour!” he roared as he rushed off out the door before I could change my mind. 

“I’ll give you the rest of the day off if you come out tonight” Sam called

“Oh Sammy not tonight the guys are coming over”

“So?!, they come over nearly every night when was the last time my little Magnolia let her hair down with big old Sammy sunshine” Sam ruffled my hair as she passed she was right though it had been a while since we hung out properly.  “And anyway you might find a bit of hot sugar to go home with.”

I rolled my eyes as she persisted but the more I thought it might help me get over this stupid little crush on Brian.  “Yeah okay I give in I’ll get a cab to yours around 10, and pick somewhere fun! Mama wants to party!” I gave my friend a throat crushing hug and ran home to meet Sal

I could already see Sal waiting by the time I turned the corner, one of these days I will be the early one I vowed. His face broke into a smile when he seen me “I thought you would want to grab a jacket it might rain” he commented.

 I searched the sky for any rainclouds it had been a pretty nice day so far “Nah I’ll be sweet”

Sal laughed at my home slang coming through. “Okay then my lady ready to go?” he grinned linking his arm in mine

“Oh shush” I protested “you sound like Brian when you say that”

“You would know all about that wouldn’t you” he laughed raising his eyebrow to me yet again.

“And what’s that supposed to mean Salvatore?”

“Oh nothing I’m kidding now let’s go!”

“Go where?”

Sal thought for a moment “picnic in the park?”

“Lead the way” I beamed.

We found a nice spot by a tree and I eagerly tucked in to the mountain of food Sal had brought with us I watched people hurrying to get places men in suits, women with babies in prams. Everyone was rushing but nobody was really looking around them at all the scenery, the beautiful fountain that reflected the sun against the trees or the family of squirrels gathered nearby to beg for a bit of the pastry I was munching on I broke them off a generous piece risking getting a telling off from Sal which I did claiming them to be “unhygienic and dirty creatures”

“Well they are creatures all the same and deserve food just as much as you or me” I told him as a matter of factly.

There was a silence and I could hold my tongue no longer “So..Uh Have you seen Q lately?”

Sal snorted “You can relax Maggs he told me what happened”

“What?!” I gasped “that snitch, What did he say?”

Sal shrugged and took a bite of cupcake “He just said you kissed no biggie, he is my best friend we do tell each other things plus he smiled like a goof the whole way home”

My stomach exploded into a swarm of butterflies as I remembered the kiss the way his hair felt through my fingers and the taste of beer on his tongue.

Sal snapped me out of my fantasy to break the unknown silence that had passed over “He does like ya…”

My face burned bright I swore I could hear fireworks in my head but I decided to pay it cool “Meh” I shrugged “It’s a bad idea”

“Don’t fight feelings Maggie you’ll regret it, let the poor guy take you for dinner” he spoke so soft it was like a whisper I opened my mouth to give a false excuse as to why it was a bad idea but my attention was torn away.

 I noticed a young girl walking with her mum jumping up and down pointing at Sal and me she grabbed her mum by the hand dragged her over towards us the poor mother looked red in the face as she stood before us.

“I’m so sorry to bother you like this but my daughter here recognized you from the television and just had to come over and say hello”

The little girl hid behind her mothers legs a smile broke out on Sals face and he leaned closer to talk to her “Hey sweetie , don’t be shy come here what’s your name?” the little girl Sat down beside him looking star struck “I’m Molly and I’m 8” she beamed “well Molly I’m glad you like the show would you like to get a picture?” he spoke to her softly  I’m pretty sure my heart melted “I’ll take it jump in Molly’s mammy!” I hopped up to my feet and took a few shots of the littlest fan Sals ever met.

“Say goodbye now Molly” her mum called

“Is that your girlfriend Sal?” Molly whispered not very well since I heard her

“No no” Sal laughed “this is my very good friend Maggie”

“She’s very pretty” Molly whispered again

“I know” Sal whispered back grinning.

“Bye Sal Bye Maggie” the little girl ran off towards her mum.

“That was so adorable” I squealed you could see Sal was so proud to be noticed and appreciated like he just was.  “Dude, are you crying?”

“it’s just nice y’know” he smiled “oh like you’ve never cried” a huge thunder crack in the sky interrupted the argument and the heavens opened the rain came from nowhere, “bet you wish you brought a jacket now dummy!”

“Oh lighten up Sal! you need to learn to dance in the rain” I ran off leaping and twirling through the showers giggling like a child Sal gave a huge laugh before racing after me grabbing my hand and pulling me down the street in the direction of the apartment . We giggled the whole way including in the elevator.

We were absolutely drenched and out of breath when we got in to the apartment “fuck that was some run” I gasped

Sal just laughed  “you’re so funny with your accent sometimes it’s like a farmer”

“Oh shut up” I shouted as I threw a bunch of towels at him “you put on the fire and give me your clothes I’ll put them in the dryer along with mine”

“And what am I supposed to wear until then, I’m not letting you see me shirtless?” he looked almost offended

“Oh get over it Sal we’re all friends here I’ll throw you out a blanket” I called out as I stripped off my soaked work dress. “And keep on your underwear I’m not ready to see that much of you just yet”

Sal pondered this for a minute then loosened up a bit, I pulled on some pyjama shorts and a vest and tied my hair up in a towel hat before walking out to grab all the wet clothes “you wouldn’t believe how bad I was at laundry until I left home”  I recalled tossing him a blanket to wrap around his body.

Sal took a breath as if to ask a question then decided after the last outburst at the dinner table it was probably best to keep quiet I made us a cup of hot chocolate loading the top with as much mini marshmallows as I could place and brought them over by the fire

“Murr will kill us if we spill anything on the rug” I warned

“I feel about 10 years old again” Sal laughed

“What was your childhood like?” I quizzed

“Pretty good” he spoke between sips “Me and Jenna where pretty close and oh god my ma makes the best dishes you will ever taste”

“Is that who made the picnic earlier?” I teased

Sal said nothing his face grew red though as he watched the flames dance in the fire

“Good old Mama Vulcano” I cheered “looking after her wee chicken!”

“What was yours like?” he looked at me

“My what?” I knew what was coming

“Your childhood?”

“In one word” I sighed “…difficult”

“Difficult?”

“Difficult” I confirmed after that I pulled most of Murrs cushions onto the floor and assembled them around us.

“pillow forts and hot coco” Sal laughed “you do realise I’m nearly 40?”

“You’re as close to 40 as I am to 25 there’s no difference and it’s not a fort it’s more of a raft”

Sal began to laugh a proper hard laugh until he fell backwards onto the pillows we lay uncontrollably giggling at nothing my lungs and stomach ached it was a good feeling.

“Thanks for today buddy it was a lot of fun” Sal only replied with a heavy breath which let me know he was probably asleep.

I was woken with a jump when I heard the door to the apartment close and voices filled the air, I raised my head to look around me and seen Sal was still asleep but had gotten dressed at some point and lay back down.

“Well good evening sleeping beauties!” Joe yelled the man had no inside voice whatsoever wait evening? It was dark outside shit I needed to get ready

“Hey Maggie, we’re gonna order pizza what do you want?” James greeted with a cheery expression.

“Nothing thanks Murr, I’m going out with Samantha” I answered as I stood and stretched kicking a half comatose Sal in the back with my foot

“Going out?” Q whined “but its superhero movie night? I even got Flash Gordon for us all to watch”

“Sorry guys I promised Sam I’d go out dancing, watch it without me y’know have a guy’s night”

There was some mutters of objection but I wasn’t going to let it stop me getting ready.  I dived into my room pulling on my dress and heels as I straightened my mess of curly hair thanks to the rain and dabbed on some make up. I was in such a hurry but I wanted to look good all the same.

I rushed out to the closet to grab my leather jacket and steal a slice of the pizza which smelt crazy good “Okay how do I look?” I was expecting a dumb sexist remark from Brian but he just stared and smiled offering a thumbs up.

“You look great Irish! Now go have fun leave the big boys to their pizza party” Joe laughed as he shooed me away from taking another slice.

“Stay Safe!” Murr called after me

“I’m taking my spare key so don’t wait up! I might not even be back till dawn” I winked as I shut the door behind me this earned me a hoot of approval from the guys I just didn’t hear Brian joining in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thats all for now until the next update on friday please review :)


	8. Andy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie leaves the guys behind for a night out with Sam will it help her get over Brian or will it tear apart her friendship.

I arrived outside Sams house having stopped to pick up a bottle of wine on the way I knew for a fact she would still be getting ready. Her husband Alex answered the door thank fully the storm from earlier had blown over I smiled as I remembered the yearning frown on Brains face when I told him I wouldn’t be home for movie night meh he’ll get over it I thought tonight was my night to have some fun.

I made my way up to Sams room where the squeals of her Daughter Cassie could be heard from the stairs. After seeing her in a uniform all week when Sam dressed up it was quite a shock she had this amazing blonde hair that fell all around her shoulders when she curled it and after losing all the baggy and ill-fitting clothes she had on the hottest pencil skirt and blouse. 

“Hey hot mama” I called to her as I entered the room she blew me a kiss as she picked up her make up bag and headed to the bathroom Cassie was definitely happy to see me anytime Auntie Maggie came to visit Cassie had to have plaits in her hair like I wore mine in. I poured myself a glass of bubbly and sat Cassie down between my legs to do her hair for someone so little it was beautiful long blonde hair she was like a mini Rapunzel.

“How was your lunch?” Sam shouted from the bathroom as I ran my fingers through Cassis soft hair

“It was great we had a picnic in the park and had a gossip about certain people and certain things in certain kitchens” I was speaking in code so little ears wouldn’t pick up on anything she wasn’t supposed to

“Oh? How did that go?”

“It was fine Sal just reassured me it was all good between me and Q”

“He’s such a sweetie sometimes” Sam giggled

“Yeah he’s a good friend”

“But not your best friend?”

“No Sam” I calmed her “Nobody will take that title off you” Sam and Alex had been so good to me when I first got here they had let me have a room in their home and gave me a job the only reason I hadn’t stayed with them is the little bundle of cuteness admiring her plaits in the mirror currently singing frozen songs came along.  Sam also knew when not to ask questions it took me a few months to warm to her and tell her about back home and she knew when it was time to not talk about it and move on.

 ********

We arrived at the bar and started off with a few cocktails band where just staring a sound check but the place was filling up fast I had learned nights out here could be with several thousand people compared to the handful of regulars and tourists back home over the sound of the drummer checking the levels Sam shouted to me “If you don’t get at least three drinks bought to you and a number you’ve lost” that was setting me up for a loss there and then  I had always been the one who sat in the corner with couples either side playing tonsil tennis with each other.  The band started up and Sam dragged me up to dance as first it was timid little movements but as the drinks got more frequent I didn’t care as much everyone was here to have a good time why shouldn’t I?

I took a seat at the bar the sweat was running from my head and I’m pretty sure I had a stitch but I was absolutely buzzing. I waited for the barman to serve me as I thought back to the guys at the apartment.  It was the first time they had crossed my mind since I came in. I wondered how the movie was, did they miss me, and was I a bad person for leaving them?

 I was all ready to pick up my bag and go home when a huge mojito was slid my way I handed the barman my money but he turned it away and pointed to a tall well-dressed gentleman at the end of the bar I lifted my glass to toast him and he started to approach me, damn he was good looking even though he was wearing a plaid shirt I could see he was a Skinny guy with big arms he had long hair tied back into a pony tail and complemented his face perfectly with a single lip piercing  as he approached I felt myself shrinking as he towered over me a good foot and a half taller.

 “well Hi there little miss I couldn’t help admiring you out there dancing and thought if I bought you a drink you would let me know your name” It took me a second to place the accent I had been to used to hearing the American one

“Oh wow you’re from London? It’s Maggie” I shouted over the music

“Well Maggie I’m guessing you’re Irish what’s the chances, it is very nice to meet you wow you are a sight”

I bit my lip as this tall beautiful English stranger chatted his way to convincing me I should give him a chance to woo me.

“Well you’re definitely a charmer” I smiled up at him hoping he would sit down straining my neck up to look at him just wasn’t working. He bought me another drink as I had almost finished my first out of nerves

“So Mr mysterious may I know your name and what you’re doing so far from home?” I shouted in his ear over the music I was probably deafening the poor guy

He gave a chuckle his white teeth beaming “Its Andrew and well I’m on my way to Vegas for the weekend with some mates and we decided to stop over for a few nights and see what lady libertys city could throw at us” dreamy and laid back fuck...

 My mind soon cleared of Brian and wanting to go home as Andrew pulled me too my feet and dragged me to the dance floor I passed Sam on the way as she gave me a nod of approval. Andy and I where definitely no dancers but the music and atmosphere had been so good I could help but jump to the beat and sign my heart out with every word my heart was beating and my head spinning but I was living.

Sam came to tell me she was heading home as she had done her job she hugged me tight whispering “you totally would fuck him” I couldn’t help but laugh and was still laughing when Andrew returned to tell me he had found his mates by the bar they all welcomed me as Andrew pulled me down to sit on his knee I could feel his breath on my neck and a stirring feeling in my stomach call it the alcohol and hormones mixing together but I definitely wanted him.

Andy’s friend Pete brought down some more drinks I was way past my limit but these guys were taking no prisoners. I had my arms wrapped around Andy’s neck as he brought me to him placing his lips on mine it was hot and fast nothing like the warm safe embrace I had held with Brian , _oh catch yourself on Maggie_ the voice was screaming _get him out of your head_ I needed something to make me forget and Pete answered it with one word “tequila!!” he roared as everyone cheered I downed my shot quicker than anyone .

I checked my phone and had 3 missed calls and 4 texts the only one I read was from Samantha simply saying “I’m sorry.” before I got to check the rest Andy had taken it off me “Come back with me tonight Maggie.” he whispered in my ear I could give him so many reasons why I shouldn’t but I was lost in his beautiful eyes as he stroked my arm I nodded to him as he kissed me again biting my lip and that was me bound.

Last orders where called and I stepped outside the bar to get some air while Andy went to find his jacket. The people crowded the street bumping into me while I apologised, everything was spinning and I became slightly scared. Searching for Andy’s face in the crowd I tripped over my own feet and fell into some huge saving arms as I turned to apologise I studied the face of my rescuer “Heyyy Q what are you doin here?”

He looked sleepless but relived “I came looking for you I met Sam when I was leaving Murrs and you weren’t with her. She told me you were here, I’m taking you home now” he ordered

“No no no” I giggled “I’m going home with Andy” he was still trying to hold me up as I hung from his neck.

“Andy? Who the fuck? Maggie come on don’t be stupid I’m taking you home please don’t fight” he was pleading with me

I pulled away from his grip as I felt Andy’s huge arms surround my waist “I found you princess ready to go” he teased

“Eyy there you are” I cooed to him kissing his cheek “Brian this is Andy.. Andy, Brian”

“Sup buddy” Andy reached his hand out to shake Q but he slapped him away “she’s not going anywhere fella she needs to go home” I’d never seen Brain so angry I just wanted all the shouting to stop I tucked my head into Andy’s neck as he held me.

“I think you’re the one who should go home old man, you’re scaring my girl here” he began to lead me away from Q.  I gave one last look at him as I stumbled away he looked me dead in the eyes but said nothing.

We got back to Andys hotel room he stripped me of my dress and laid me onto the bed I could feel him on top of me but I was numb and the room was spinning  he kissed me all over panting and groaning the sex was fast and cheap and I passed out soon after .


	9. Disaster the Morning after

I woke cold and alone in an empty hotel room a note attached to the lamp beside me

**Early flight, had to leave**

**You were amazing, give me a buzz if you’re ever in London.**

**A**

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and tried to piece together the night before all was good up until I remembered leaving the club, Brian was there he was begging me to come home I refused and let Andy drag me away Brian looked broken as I walked away he was only trying to protect me.

_Fuck Maggie why are you so stupid! He’ll never speak to you again_

 I found my phone and switched it on I couldn’t even read the texts I had gotten from Brian I deleted them all before I had the chance to look.  I needed to call someone but whom? Not Brian I don’t think I could even face him the way I felt.  Sal? That’s it I dialled the number and listened to the ringing finally he answered “Go for Vulcano”

“SAL?!”

“Maggie? What’s wrong” he sounded alarmed

“I need you to come get me please?”

“Y..Yeah okay calm down text me your address I’ll be right there sweetie”

I pulled on my clothes from last night they smelled of tequila and shame as I made my way down to the lobby to wait for Sal I could feel people watching me they knew what I had done I felt disgusting.

Sal arrived and put his coat around my shoulders nothing was said as we drove off my mind was racing with a million thoughts and feelings

“Wait!” I roared Sal hit the brakes hard “I need you to take me to him”

“Maggie I don’t think…”

“Please Sal I need to see him” he nodded and turned the car around we pulled up outside the apartment “will you wait for me?” he said he would be parked right around the corner.

I approached the door and took a deep breath as I gave a weak knock as soon I seen him I wanted to run away. His hair was a mess and his eyes were red raw, had he cried over me? Still in last night’s clothes he stood back to let me in “you have 10 minutes” his voice was a croak nothing like the usual deep confidence he projected.

“I don’t even know what to say Q I feel disgusted I acted horribly but we aren’t together you shouldn’t be mad”

“I’m not mad” he shrugged

“You’re not?” he didn’t even look me in the eye he just looked straight past me as if I wasn’t there

“Like you said we’re not together go fuck Mr British prince charming if you want cause has so much younger, and fitter and just so much fucking better than me isn’t he?” he had never spoken to me like this I couldn’t hold back the tears

“Brian please” I tried to reach for him but he pushed me away

“I’ve had to work for weeks to even get you to look at me I really thought we had something but a few drinks from pretty boy and you’re jumping into his bed”

I couldn’t even speak was this his way of showing his feelings for me?

“I think you should leave now Maggie” he whispered as he opened the door.

I heard it slam behind me the deafening knock was nothing compared to the pounding in my head I didn’t say anything to Sal as he drove me back home he told me he would give me a call later that evening.

Thankfully Murr wasn’t home I couldn’t bear to face anyone else today I sat in the shower and let the steaming water rain down on me I just wanted to wash this feeling away but it wasn’t leaving.

I lay on my bed sobbing into my Benjamin teddy there was literally no way to make this better part of me whished I had never seen the advertisement for the apartment none of this would of happened but I would still be living in a shitty apartment fearing for my safety.

 I had cried myself to sleep after that and woke up when the sun was just setting I could hear faint voices outside my room my stomach rumbled as I realised I hadn’t ate in almost 24 hours I pulled on my hoodie pulling up the hood I just wanted to disappear inside it I opened my door and creeped out to the kitchen pouring myself a glass of orange I could see Joe and Murr sitting on the sofa I don’t think they had noticed me yet  but unfortunately they did after I shut the fridge too loud.

“Heyy you dirty dog heard you didn’t come home last night” Joe called to me shit, they obviously hadn’t talked to Q or Sal yet

“How was your night Maggie?” James asked  “find any princes to whisk you off your feet”  I could hear how sincere he was but it didn’t stop me bursting into tears the two men just stared at each other confused between sobs I explained what had happened James tried to reassure me it was all okay.

Joe admitted he didn’t know what to say but he told me it would all work out whether anyone of us believed it was a different story he have me a huge hug and left for a dinner date night with Bessy and her parents .

“What am I going to do Murr?” I asked as we curled on the sofa he had made me food but I wasn’t hungry I felt emotionally and physically drained of life

“I can’t tell you Maggie I mean Q’s one of my best friends maybe it was wrong of him to get mad but you did humiliate him and walk away with a complete stranger, Q would have hated himself forever if something happened to you and Sal..” James was never two sided it’s one of the things I came to rely on when talking to him.

“What about Sal?” I asked James just shook his head rubbing at his bottom lip with his thumb as if he hadn’t said a word.

“They’re not coming over tonight are they?” I wasn’t ready to be in the same room with all four of them. Murr shook his head “Joes out, Qs not answering his phone I haven’t been talking to Sal and I uhh.. Well I have a date”

I shot my head up almost instantly “what? Murr oh my gosh that’s great” I’d spent so long spilling all my problems he hadn’t got a chance to tell me he smiled as he told me “Well her name is Lynda she’s a nurse, I’ve bumped into her in the lobby a few times.  She lives a few floors up and we caught the same elevator last week so I decided to just go for it and ask her out and thankfully she said yes.”

I gave him a smile as he went to get himself ready it had taken my mind off Brian for a while and it made me feel so happy Murr had found someone he had an attraction too.  He emerged from his room dressed very smartly in jeans and waistcoat “James Murray you can perform on front of thousands of people a night but here you are preparing for a date and you’re shaking”

He gave me a friendly push and headed out the door I got cosy in my bed with my laptop after listening to hours of songs about life and love and pain I had a good long think to myself maybe it was time to get out of New York I had been here almost two years and what had I got to show for it working in a coffee shop every day when I left university I wanted to travel the world but all I did was run away to a new city for a new life come to think of it was that what I was trying to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt so bad after writing this i had to take a lie down :( hated tearing them apart but yenno... drama!!!


	10. Bachelor party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch with Sal and a party for the upcoming wedding will Maggie have to come face to face with Brian... you know she will.

About a week or so had passed and Brian and I had been completely avoiding each other. If there was a night he was coming to see James I would spend the day at Sam’s or the coffee shop and purposely not come home until I knew he was gone things had been more than awkward I didn’t even know if he was angry or upset anymore.

Joes wedding was fast approaching and I had saved up enough to really splash out on a dress I was really excited to celebrate the big day but it would mean having to face Brian.

I was cleaning the kitchen when a text came through on my phone before I picked it up I wished on anyone who was listening that it would be Brian

It wasn’t.

**1 new message received: Ja’Crispy**

**Morning Miss Maggie, Lunch at Rubys?  X**

Every time I seen Sals self-titled contact name it made me giggle

**Sounds good pick me up at two?  X**

It felt so long since our picnic so much shit had happened I was really looking forward to lunch with Sal I just couldn’t tell him about the move nothing was set in stone yet but I had made a few calls and sent a few applications away it was eating away at me that I couldn’t tell him but I would just have to put It in the back of my mind today.

He arrived bang on time as always outside the building there was an awkward silence at first Brian was on both of our minds I didn’t want to ask and he didn’t want to answer we got to the cosy restaurant and placed our orders the food smelt amazing I was starving

“I feel like I’ve barely seen you” Sal started “what’s going on every time I come over you’re hiding from me”

I felt a twinge of guilt in my stomach “you know I’m not avoiding you I just can’t be around Brian anymore.”

“But why not”

“Because well…”

He looked me dead in the eyes I could tell he wanted to be serious “There is absolutely no reason why you have to avoid him you were friends you kissed shit happened now you should just make up and be friends again. None of this stupid fucking drama he’s a middle age man goddamit not a stupid schoolyard crush” he spoke a lot softly now as the waitress brought our food to the table I tucked in straight away.

I felt so ashamed he was right though avoiding each other was just stupid and immature “Well I have to face him at the wedding so we’ll just see how that goes”

“speaking of the wedding that’s something else I have to talk to you about” he wouldn’t look at me anymore he paused for a good minute well “we got our invites and Q , Murr and myself have all got plus ones for a guest and I don’t want you to freak out you know it’s completely cool…”

“Sal!” I just had to interrupt “you’re avoiding the point just tell me dude”

“Brains asked Alyssa to come with him….”

There was a silence, my heart felt like it was in my throat that gorgeous receptionist from the guys’ office if this was a sick plan to hurt me back it was working. I pushed my plate away my appetite just wasn’t there I wanted to leave lock myself in my room and cry but Sal held my hand he talked in his usual soft tone “Hey c’mon no tears Murrs taking Lynda and I’m not taking anyone if you wanted too we could go together we’ll have a great time” I squeezed his hand tight he was right Brian could do what he wanted it was Joe and Bessys beautiful day and I would be surrounded by my best friends.

There was so much I had to do before the day. I had booked my hotel room already and Sal and James were so kind in paying for my hair and make up for looking after things while they had been away Sam helped me shop for a beautiful navy colour dress not to clingy though it made a beautiful heart shape over my chest with simple straps and fell over my hips to the floor It hung on the back of my door and I admired it every night as I fell asleep it was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever owned.

We left the restaurant and headed back to the apartment neither of us had seen Joe much since he had been so busy with rehearsal dinners and final details so we decided to throw him a really simple Batchelor party “We actually called them stag parties back home and the girls have Hen parties” I told Sal and Murr as we sat in the kitchen blowing up balloons

“That’s so weird” Murr giggled he always seemed to find the different versions of words funny

I tried to remain as calm as possible because I knew Brian was coming over it would be the first time we had come face to face since our argument although I organised the party I still felt I had to invite him it was Joes night at least It was just him and not Alyssa I wasn’t quite ready to face the enemy just yet my stomach was doing flips I was barely paying attention to Sal and Murr attacking each other with Balloons until one flew my way almost toppling me off my chair

“Ouch guys grow up!” I barked

“Calm down Miss snappy” James teased before bopping me on the head with a balloon

 “Oh you’re in for it now ferret face” I shouted as I chased him through the apartment with a spatula James squealed and laughed I had almost cornered him but Sal wrapped his arms around my waist lifting me out of the way “RUN MURR” he screamed as I struggled from his grip

“I almost had him” I moaned lashing my legs out as Murr sat curled in a ball laughing far too hard to keep running. The three of us sat around laughing for a solid 10 minutes before we were interrupted by the doorbell.

I knew who it was before Murr even answered it I made my way over to the kitchen to get started on some of the food and just to keep my head down Sal gave my arm a squeeze as I passed him “you okay?” he whispered I nodded and gave him two thumbs up as James opened the door.

“AYYY Q c’mon in” Murr greeted him the two friends shook hands

“Salvatore!” Brian shouted pulling his best friend into a bear hug even the sound of his voice was painful “Evening Maggie” he called waving to me I stood frozen for a minute before waving back still not breaking eye contact with the onion I was cutting seriously that was it? All that fighting and he still says hello to me, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Joe arrived soon after and we gathered in the sitting area eating and laughing it was almost becoming normal again it felt good the subject soon changed though to Murrs new lady who he had 4 successful dates with so far “that’s a new record for you isn’t it Murr you haven’t scared the poor broad off yet” Sal cracked up laughing.  


“There has to be something wrong with her though Murr” Q joined in “what is it extra toe?”

“Third Nipple?” Joe suggested

“Brainwashed!” Sal went into hysterics again

“There is nothing wrong with her” Murr started “and you will all get to see that there isn’t when I bring her to the wedding”

“Speaking of bringing guests” Joe pointed to Q as he took a sip of his drink “what about lover boy and all legs Alyssa how did you ever get a pretty young thing like that into bed?”

Brian turned red and shook his head at Joe “I have my ways Joseph she clearly couldn’t help falling for my mature charm” he declared with a stupid smug smile on his face.

Sal and Joe looked at each other “Daddy issues” they both announced I couldn’t help laughing at the ridiculousness of it all Brian scowled at us all as we laughed “so uh Maggie who are you taking?”

“Nobody” I shrugged taking a huge gulp of my wine.

“C’mon who is he?” Brian persisted what was his game? Sus out who I was dating or make me feel shit about being single.

“I mean nobody I am taking no one with me” I tried not to use a tone but my temperature was rising

Q looked lost for words still with that bastarding smug smile “well why not?”

Thankfully Sal stepped into calm the situation “I’m taking her” he said putting his hand up

Brian was dumbstruck “you’re taking Maggie?” the stupid smile had been ripped from his face.

“yeah” Sal explained “y’know we’re both friends with nobody to go with so I asked her to be my guest” I nodded confirming Sals words.

“I’m hoping Sal will show me some of his moves on the dance floor” I teased elbowing him in the side

 He raised his eyebrow to me patting his hand on my leg “oh honey you know I gots the moves”

“Yeah like an orgasmic monkey” Joe shouted before receiving a hit from one of Murrs cushions courtesy of Sal

We made a toast to Joe and wished him well before the guys went home for the night I lay in my bed thinking of Brian and stupid Alyssa and realised the feelings still hadn’t gone away.

 Shit.


	11. wedding prep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter about the morning of the wedding aslo some cute fluff between Maggie and Sal because i adore their friendship!

The night before the wedding I barely slept I tossed and turned part of me was so excited and really looking forward to it but my mind always drifted to Brian and his new “pretty young thing” I’ve tried so hard to get over him but he always falls into my thoughts again every love song every couple in the park holding hands it was all him.

The sun started to rise around 5:45 the wedding wasn’t until 3 but I had so much to do until then my suitcase for the hotel had been packed for about 3 days and I’m not ashamed to admit a lot of it was stuffed with junk food in case Brian and Alyssa got too much and I needed to retreat to my room to watch the little mermaid and stuff my face. I had my hair and makeup booked for around 11 Sam was picking me up then she would be driving me out to the country club where the wedding was taking place I also still had to pick up Joe and Bessys wedding present.  I was stressing out and I wasn’t even out of bed.

I was in the apartment alone too because as tradition Murr and the guys stayed at Joes last night. I rose from my bed and padded my way to the kitchen and made myself some coffee and pancakes my only took small bites I could barely sit down as I paced the apartment waiting for half 10 I decided to calm myself down with a shower and sing my heart to Bowie. I pulled on some Jeans and my favourite hoodie grabbed my suitcase and camera bag and ran outside to meet Sam.

“Ready to be pampered darling?” she called from the car   


“Most definitely” I replied throwing my bag into the boot of her car. We followed the address Sal gave me for the beauty Salon when he made my appointment it was very fancy I felt quite out of place in my casual clothes now there was new jersey house moms sitting around gossiping their high pitched laughter carrying through the place. I sat playing with my Peridot necklace waiting to be called when a lady approached the waiting area

“Mrs Vulcano?” she called “Mrs Vulcano eleven am appointment?”

Me and Sam looked each other and just couldn’t hold back the laughter Sal the idiot must of put his name when placing the booking I would have to kill him about it later Sam shrugged at me and whispered “Might as well play along Mrs Vulcano” she winked I could of slapped her.

“Umm.. I’m Mrs Vulcano” I said getting to my feet the hair stylist smiled at me and told me to follow her leading me to a booth where two more staff members were waiting they immediately took off my sandals and started filing my toenails and fingers “oh that’s not necessary” I smiled at her she looked confused “I’m sorry miss but your husband has paid for the full package including the extra mani and pedi I rolled my eyes he’s not my husband I muttered under my breath but I let them continue anyway.

I felt like royalty being pampered my hair had been plaited and tied up in a bun few curls hanging down my makeup had never looked so good.

“oh my gosh Maggie I’m gonna cry” Sam stared open mouthed as I approached her tucking the loose curls behind my ear I was blushing I felt amazing I looked amazing now it was time to show Brian what he was missing.

Sam gave me a huge hug as we pulled up outside the country club “go get ‘em mama”

“I’ll give you a call in the morning” I told her

Balloons and pink rose petals had taken over reception I noticed the two wedding planners straight away running around shouting at people and looking just about ready to snap.

The receptionist booked me in and handed me my room key “There you are Miss Thorne” she smiled sweetly.

It was so nice to hear my own name again after two hours in that Salon they had asked every question  under the sun about being “married to a celebrity” they clearly didn’t know that much about the show if they didn’t know Sal wasn’t married

I took the key and tipped her she was such a pleasant worker hard to find in hotels I reached for another dollar to hand to her “Could you tell Mr Vulcano I’ve arrived please” I felt so important being called Miss the guys where probably so used to this.

I stood waiting for the elevator I still hadn’t noticed anybody I knew and I was getting kind of nervous I played with my necklace

“You okay sweetie?” the older pretty blonde lady that stood beside me gave me a sincere look

“yeah just excitement you know” I gave an anxious giggle

Her face lit up when she heard me speak “oh gosh, are you Maggie?”

 I nodded wide eyed and she pulled me into a hug I was starting to panic I was usually so good at remembering names but I had no idea who this lovely woman was “It’s so nice to meet you I’m Lynda” of course Murrs girlfriend phew she explained her and James had been locked out of the room so she had to go get a spare key she laughed so hard when she explained that they were both as clumsy as each other she was such a dote.

We exited the elevator at the same floor It was a breath of fresh air to know James was so close again he didn’t recognise me at first when I stepped out of the elevator it was only as I walked closer he let out a “holy shit Maggie?” I stuck my tongue out to him

“calm down dude I haven’t even got my dress on yet” he and Lynda both said goodbye as they finally got back into their room I found mine and began to unpack my dress and shoes  it looked just as gorgeous as the first time I’d seen it in the shop.

I clicked the buckle on my strappy heel and gave myself one last look in the mirror admiring the navy dress that made a beautiful heart shape over my chest falling over my hips to the floor. A knock came to the door and a familiar voice called out for me “Miss Maggie your escort has arrived”

 I opened the door to Sal looking very handsome in his tux “wow look at you” I gasped.

“Never mind me look at you gurrl!” I let him into the room as I grabbed my bag and sprayed some perfume

“I’ve packed so many tissues to make sure I don’t cry” I laughed

“I’m not even holding back” Sal admitted “the first of us to get Married it’s a big step y’know” I rubbed his shoulder to show him I understood. “I uhh got this for you Maggie” he held his hand out which revealed a beauty white corsage.

“Oh Sal” I squeaked “It’s a wedding not prom silly”

 Sal just shrugged “I know I couldn’t help it I just thought you deserved it”

I gave my friend a huge hug and attached the white rose to the side of my hair “c’mon let’s get a picture in the mirror” I told him as I fetched my camera Sal slid his hands around my waist and pulled me in as I rested my head on his shoulder. “Say Ja’crispy” I sang as I snapped a few different shots.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” Sal asked as we went to leave the room I shot him a beaming smile as I linked my arm around his “Let’s do this"


	12. Mr and Mrs Gatto

We stood before the doors of the service room not quite knowing what to do my feet felt stuck to the floor. I knew by the way Sal was holding my hand that Brian had arrived already and was just through the doors he gave me a supportive squeeze and placed his hand on my back as he guided me into the room I took a deep breath and looked around the room I seen Murr and Lynda talking to a guy in a groomsman tux Joes brother in law I think Sal told me. The room was decorated in hot pink and purple with diamonds everywhere I gasped in amazement at the sea of flower petals that lined the floor it was absolutely stunning.

I spotted Brian he had his back to me but I knew it was him nobody had hair that fluffy when just washed. I also seen her, Alyssa black hair straight with a pale pink dress on that looked more like a t-shirt seriously why so much leg? I needed to stop thinking so negative today wasn’t about me or Brian or any of the shit going on I would wear my biggest smile and enjoy this day for both Joe and Bessy. I had seen Joe when we first entered the room for someone who was afraid of nothing I had never seen a guy look so nervous. 

Sal took a seat beside Brian and I sat on the opposite side of him beside Lynda wise move, he hadn’t even looked over and seen I was there I fiddled with the material on my dress my stomach would not settle. Sal grabbed my hand to stop me tearing the material as he stoked it softly with his thumb I felt so safe when I was with him he was probably the only thing helping me through this day.

The string quartet started up and Bessy entered the room with her father on her arm she was an absolute vision her dress flowed in layers and her thin waist was framed with a simple silver band Joe was smiling like a Cheshire cat the whole way through the ceremony when it came to saying the vows I thought I would have to lend Sal and Murr some of my tissues I didn’t blame them though it was very emotional.

The service ended and everyone gathered for champagne in the lounge it was time to actually face Brian.  _fake smile time Maggie_ I told myself I stepped towards him smiling brightly “Heyy buddy” I grinned he blinked a few times before realising it was me “oh gosh Maggie Hi” he kissed both of my cheeks his beard scratched against my face the way it did when we kissed I wanted time to freeze but of course he pulled away the skinny girl behind him gave a cough “oh right Sorry Alyssa this is Maggie.”

Alyssa pulled me in for a hug I could feel her ribs press against me, “Hi Maggie oh my gosh I’ve heard like so much about you, aren’t you from Ireland oh my gosh what’s that like” I was at a loss for words luckily Q stepped in “c’mon honey let’s get you another drink” I watched as he sickingly put his arm around her as they walked away.

“You’re doing great” Sal smiled.

The speeches came before dinner and Joe had me in tears he was just naturally so funny and the way he talked about Bessy was just the epitome of what true love was about, I couldn’t help glaring at how Alyssa hung over Quinn with her high pitched laugh I swore if I heard “you’re like so funny Brian” one more time I would snap thankfully I had Lynda by my side to chat too.

“well I am shocked Murr” Q announced as he slapped James hard on the back “you actually managed to find yourself a Girl and keep her for a whole month” everyone laughed at the truthful comment Lynda smiled and Murr asked he gazed at her quite lovingly.

“Well I think it’s obvious they both really like each other it’s just so adorable” I squeaked

“Don’t be getting Soppy on us Maggie or you’ll be up the aisle next” Joe teased throwing his arm around me as he stood behind my chair.

”Don’t you worry about that Joseph I don’t plan on getting married for a long time if ever.” I reassured him 

“Heyy there’s Mr married I thought we wouldn’t get to see you” Sal cheered we all wished him and Bessy a huge congratulants with a group hug I also finally got to give them my wedding present it was a printed Canvas of a picture I had taken when we all had a meal at the apartment for Murrs birthday they were looking out the large window watching the sunset with their arms around each other and Bessys head resting on Joes shoulder I was so happy with how it had turned out. The happy couple loved it and gave me a huge squeeze before they had to rush off for their first dance.

It was absolutely stunning I could almost tell how they felt just by watching them like nobody else was in the room just these two beautiful people who had just vowed to spend their life together , everyone started to join in Sal was dragged away by one of Joes sisters for a dance. I stood on the side-lines sipping my drink until I was pulled to me feet my Lynda “slow dance with me darling” she giggled over the music I loved this woman she was so fun, we bounced around the dance floor together breathless from giggling so hard. The song ended and I felt a hand on my shoulder I knew it was Q the minute he touched me it felt like electricity had shot through my veins “Excuse me Lynda but may I borrow this lovely lady for a dance”

 I turned to face him as he slid his hand around my waist I felt like I couldn’t breathe was this really happening I looked up at him trying to read his face “I thought we should have at least one dance together don’t you?” his voice was deep and ran down my spine we started to whirl around the dance floor.

_Come away with me in the night_

I felt like a princess but probably looked like an awkward goose

_Come away with me and I will write you a song._

He was looking down at me I was completely lost in those brown eyes

_I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof_

He held me tighter to him I wanted to kiss him right there and then.

_While I’m safe there in your arms so all I ask is for you_

There was no Alyssa no stupid Andy this is how it always should have been.  

_To come away with me in the night, come away with me._

The song had ended but we still stayed gazing at each other Brian cleared his throat then walked away toward Alyssa who wanted to dance.  I was standing alone everything I had felt for him came flooding back in those short minutes I turned round to see Sal standing beside me I didn’t have to say anything clearly he had seen what just happened the way I watched Joe and Bessy earlier.

I went to the bar to order another drink passing Q on my way Alyssa had her arms draped over him he whispered in her ear and they left the room my stomach felt sick as I pictured them going back to their room I chugged my drink and immediately ordered another Sal approached me and took my hand leading me to the floor he started to spin me around it wasn’t even dancing anymore it was just crazy drunken movement and giggles until we both collapsed to the floor. “I think it might be time for bed Miss Maggie” Sal said between laughs pulling me up we said our goodnights to everyone and made or more staggered our way towards our rooms.

“Joe was right you do dance like a monkey” I joked as I held onto him for support “I am absolutely offended” came his reply.

We stopped outside my room “Goodnight Irish.” Sal whispered as he kissed the tip of my nose he walked back down the hall to the elevator as I watched him leave I felt happy like really happy he was my best friend even in my drunken state I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered how secretive I had been about life before New York maybe it was time to tell him.

“Sal?” he turned around to face me I opened my mouth to speak but of course the voice of anxiety got to me _Don’t fucking do it Maggie he’ll never talk to you you’ve lied to him every day since you’ve met why would he even want to talk to you after?_

“Goodnight Sal” I smiled as I headed into my room.  I sighed and sat down on my bed

A knock came to the door

“This had better be fucking good Sal!” I called as I walked to the door unlocking it I threw it open ready to give Vulcano a huge telling off..

It wasn’t him.


	13. A surprise visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy happy happy :)

“Q? what are y..” there was a sadness in his eyes he walked on into the room before I could protest   


“Please don’t say anything Maggie I have acted horribly I honestly feel like shit I want things to go back to how they used to be. When we laughed, when we hung out, when we were friends and even when we kissed that kiss woke me up to this whole new world of you and its only been about you since it happened.”

I was speechless did he really just fuck his pretty little thing then come here to confess his love to me I wasn’t okay with this I didn’t look him in the eye as he held my little hands in his “wheres Alyssa?” I shrugged

“I sent her home in a cab, I told her everything and I sent her home how do you think I got this?” he pointed to his cheek where I just noticed the bright red hand print.

He raised my chin up to look at him “Maggie if you tell me you didn’t feel anything when we danced together I will leave right now and know just wasn’t supposed to happen but if you feel the way I felt then you know how I feel every time I look at you.”

I closed my eyes they had started to tear up at least he waited until the end of the night to ruin my makeup “Tell me Maggie” he held my face in both hands now I could feel his breath on my face

“I can’t” it was barely a whisper but he heard it he pulled me to him caressing my lips time stood still our lips danced together in synchronicity every movement was a firework in my head. After all my stupid mistakes I had him back and I was not letting him go again.

Brian stood behind me and unzipped my dress he kissed my shoulder as my dress dropped to the floor. I had goose pimples all over my body as he kissed the back of my neck I reached my arm back and ran my fingers through his hair making him groan I turned around to face him “I’ve missed looking into those beautiful brown eyes” I whispered making him moan. I ran my hands up his body undoing every button on his shirt before throwing it to the floor I kissed tiny little kisses across his collar bone he picked me up and carried me to the bed laying me down so gently before sliding the covers around both of us.  The kisses where deep and passionate and beautiful

Brian stopped and looked at me “Is this what you want Maggie I’ll stop if you want me too?” my name was a husk whisper when he spoke.

“I’m ready for this” I whispered

 

 The morning sun woke me from my sleep at first I forgot where I was I had a pounding headache and my mouth was dry but there was something else something felt different I felt warm and safe my mind drifted to last night Sal left me to my room then what? Fuck, Brian showed up that seemed like a dream was it? No it was almost too perfect not to have been a dream.

I heard a noise from the bathroom the door opened and Brian emerged sleepy eyed in just his underwear I wiped the sleep from my eyes to take him all in he looked even better undressed than in the tux that I now noticed was strewn on the floor “Heyy pretty lady” he grinned at me sliding into bed and wrapping his arm around me he had just showered he smelt amazing as he pulled me close to him.  Nothing was said as he lay together kissing softly he tasted even better than he smelled it was absolute bliss.

We where rudely interrupted from our make out by a loud knock on the door “Yo Maggie!” shit it was Sal of course “c’mon breakfast!  Murrs gone to get Q” I didn’t answer I didn’t know what to do he knocked again “Maggie the croissants are calling!”

“Uh yeah I’ll be right down, make me a plate! And a lot of coffee”

“You got it sweet cheeks” Sal playfully called back I turned back to Brian who was holding back laughter under the sheets I elbowed him “Seriously Quinn what are we going to tell them?” Q shrugged as he turned on his side resting his chin on his hand “we’ll tell them the truth”

“And what is the truth?”  I asked pulling on a sundress and brushing last night’s hairspray from my hair

“That I tapped this magnificent woman all night last night” he laughed pulling me to the bed and tickling me till I screamed mercy.

“You’re such a pig” I scolded “now c’mon I’m starving and Sals waiting” Brian finally got redressed and gave me one last slap on the butt before we left the room.

I chewed on my lip the whole way down in the elevator what would they say? Don’t get me wrong I was over the moon to have Brian back but we hadn’t yet actually talked about what we were.  Where would we go from here? _you’re over thinking it Maggie_ I told myself _just let it be._ We approached the dining room I could hear Sals laughter before I even opened the door James, Lynda, Sal and Joe where all sitting around one of the tables with Joes voice overpowering everyone with his crazy hand movements.

 “Ayyyy there’s our little Irish clover” Joe announced welcoming me to the table.

“Hey Q I was at your room looking for ya” Murr quizzed Q tried to hide his smirk as he poured himself a glass of juice “I uh decided to go for a morning walk y’know” the three guys eyed us suspiciously “and where is the lovely miss Alyssa” Sal narrowed his brows at his best friend Brian didn’t answer I didn’t answer we were backed into a corner with that one. 

“Where’s Bessy” I turned to Joe trying to change the subject

“My Beautiful Lady wife is packing her suitcase before I whisk her away on our honeymoon.” Joe declared proudly.

“Two weeks without ya buddy, you’re breaking my heart” Murr wined as Lynda patted him on the head.

“Gives us some time to record a few podcasts.” Q spoke to Sal he sipped his coffee

“What say you relationships?” Sal inquired pointing his fork to Brian then me “ouch! You bitch” Sal screamed as Q kicked him under the table

“Boys boys calm down” Bessy cautioned the guys as she approached the table throwing her arms around new smiling husband. 

“Well fellas this is my cue to leave” Joe stood up to take the cases from his wife “I will return into weeks with a suntan and a smile on my face and Murr I swear to god do not call me” He gave each of us a hug and left us to our breakfast.

 

“Maggie do you need a ride home or will lover boy hear be driving you?” Sal asked as we walked to our rooms with Brian grinning like crazy by my side

“Okay Sal cut the crap you know something’s up we get it” Brian stopped walking and squared up to his friend.

"What’s going on then Q? Where Alyssa is why weren’t you in your room and why didn’t Maggie answer the door this morning because it’s all looking pretty suspicious”

“Sal c’mon jeez” I stepped in-between the two men as they glared at each other I turned to face Sal and took a deep breath “Brian came to my room last night and we talked things over there is no more bad blood between us “ I felt like I was talking to a child whose parents were just divorcing this was ridiculous.

“she’s right” Q said taking my hand “hopefully we can work something out and become a little more than just friends”  I looked up at him he playfully curled some of my hair around his finger

“Okay well I’m going to barf if I stay around whatever this is any longer I’ll be seeing ya.”

“I’ll call you later Sal” I called to him as he walked down the corridor but he never turned around.

I threw my bags into Brian’s jeep and slid into the passenger seat fastening my belt he leaned over and nuzzled his face into my beck “That tickles dummy get off” I squealed he grinned when he heard me laugh “where to my lady?”

“Take me to your place” I whispered as I bit my lip and pouted playfully he started the car and sped out of the parking lot and onto the freeway

“Yes mam”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay that's all for today i'll try update as soon as possible i can only doing in-between classes at uni and i don't get a lot of time. thanks for being patent i have published up to chapter 13 but written up to chapter 17 and there's still so much more to come. sorry if you didn't enjoy it but I'm having so much fun writing it.  
> as always please review and tell me what you think. and be honest with me guys :)


	14. Four months and a phonecall

**Four months later**

A soft purr entered my head and roused me from my sleep a wet nose and whiskers pressed against my face as I opened my eyes and seen nothing but black fluff  “Good morning Benjamin” I cooed sliding the sleepy cat off my face Chessie lay at my feet and Brooklyn on the dent Brian had left on his pillow. I smiled to myself as I thought about how quietly he was getting up in the morning so he didn’t wake me.

Things had been going pretty well we took it very slow for around a month or so after the wedding Joe came back from the Canaries and everything went back to normal.

We didn’t get to see Joe as much as he was now a married man and Bessy had recently announced she was expecting. We were over joyed of course and sometimes plans where abandoned for James to take Lynda out on date nights but we got together when we could and shared pizza nights or dinner parties.  


Apart from Sal knowing, Q and I kept our reunion quiet from the guys for a while they knew we had made up and became friends but we were always stealing kisses when nobody was looking. We did come clean eventually and after a ton of teasing from Joe things settled and became normal we didn’t hold hands or kiss while the guys were around we just weren’t that type of couple and we both liked it that way don’t get me wrong I was crazy about Quinn but being relaxed was our style.

 Sal still wasn’t dating anyone I tried to encourage him but he said he was fine being by himself.  I think it was starting to take a toll on him He didn’t come over to hang out as much anymore I seem him a good bit but he hadn’t had lunch in a long while because of date days with Brian always getting in the way. _I should probably give him a call_ soon I thought to myself as I lay stroking Benjamin.

The guys had just returned from a two week tour and I had missed them like crazy I still hadn’t seen Sal, Joe or even Murr yet as they had gone straight to filming this morning. I had been waiting with a takeout and a few episodes of Game of Thrones when Q returned exhausted last night “seriously baby I don’t want no huge fancy dinner I want just you and you’re cute little self to be waiting at the apartment with my 3 babies and we will have a night in together” he had pleaded down the phone a few hours before he got back and that’s just what we did.

I rose from my bed and gave the three boys a feed before packing my bag and heading back to Murrs to get my work uniform. I still lived with James although Q sometimes mentioned moving in together I just laughed it off I was perfectly happy where I was. 

I arrived at work much to the delight of Sam the shop was packed out with the usual people picking up orders for work but there was also a lot of stressed parents coming in for a release after buying all the stuff to send the kids back to school it was a busy time. I got stuck straight into taking orders by the time my lunch break flew by I felt like I had worked 3 straight days without a rest I had said “Hi what can I get you?” that many times the words didn’t even make sense anymore.

Sam stood behind me as I sat out the back of the shop drinking a smoothie and texting Brian “Hey Maggie I know you’re dying to get home but could you stay a little while after work there’s something we have to talk about” Sam was rarely serious about much but I could hear it in her voice I think she sensed panic when I looked up at her “Don’t worry I’m not going to fire you we just need to have a chat”

 

I mopped the floor while Sam pulled the shutters she made us both a cup of tea before motioning me over to the table “I’m not gonna walk gently around this Maggie but I got a phone call last night”

“Okay..?” I was seriously confused what had this to do with me.

Sam sighed and took a breath “It was from Fallon” she noticed my eyes widen as I bit my lip “now don’t freak out she…”

I held my hand up to stop her “Sam I don’t want to hear anything please”   


“But Maggie”

“Don’t Maggie me I’m not listening to anything she has to say” I stood grabbing my bag and throwing it over my shoulder. “She’s your sister for Christ sake Maggie!” Sam roared at me before the door shut behind me my chest felt tight I barely knew what direction I wanted to walk in never mind what I was going to do there was only one person I could think of that I wanted to see to feel better.  I cycled away from the shop as fast as I could.

I pulled up outside Sals house taking a few minutes to calm myself before knocking he answered immediately and looked very surprised to see me “I didn’t even know if you were home” I gasped between breaths.

He could see I wasn’t myself “Yeah I just got home about thirty ago, what’s the matter?” 

“I uhh just came to see you feel like ages since we hung out” he clearly knew this was bullshit but let me in anyway not before I had taken off my shoes though the apartment was immaculate

“oh honey you cleaned” I sang as I walked upstairs to the seating area Sal gave me a punch on the arm before sitting down on the sofa “so what’s up” I asked sitting cross legged on the opposite sofa.

Sal raised his eyebrow to me he had become far too good at reading when something wasn’t okay “I know you didn’t come here to talk gossip Maggie what’s going on, have you and Q fallen out? He seemed kind of edgy at work today”

I shook my head “No no this isn’t about Brian, wait what? What happened at work?”

Sal shrugged at me raising both arms in the air “Beats me he just seemed distracted that’s all, so what is it?”

I took a deep breath “My sister called my work earlier”

Sals eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped “you’ve a sister?!” he exclaimed

I nodded looking down at my fidgeting hands “whoa, well what did she say?” he pushed for an answer after this new found information

“I don’t know” I mumbled “I told Sam I didn’t want to know”

“Why?”

“I just couldn’t talk to her it’s been so long” my eyes started to well up and I pulled furiously at a loose string on my work trousers. Sal stood up and kneeled on front of me making me look him in the eye “look Maggie I’m not going to ask anymore but I don’t know maybe you should give her a call back it might be helpful, in the meantime you look like you could use a glass of wine”

“Y’know I would really love one” I chuckled relaxing a little more.

By the time we had got halfway through our second bottle I was lying on the floor struggling to breathe listening to Sal tell a story about life on the tour bus “it really was the greatest thing I’d ever seen” he sighed wiping a tear from his eye still giggling like crazy.

“Aw I have missed this” I exhaled finishing my glass “you don’t come around as much anymore Buddy I miss you.”

He raised his head and a smile came to his face “you do?”

“Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?”

Sal shrugged and frowned slightly “you’re just always so busy with Q, Murr has Lynda and Joe is a married man now I just feel kinda left out like you guys don’t want me there.”

“Oh my god Sal don’t even say that” I crawled over to him pulling him into a hug he felt warm and nice “I will always want you there” I whispered to him his arm tightened around my waist he didn’t want to let go “Thanks Maggie” he sincerely meant it I pulled away and sat back down “why not try dating?”

His face grew a little red with the subject “It’s not me Maggie, I don’t think I’m ready?”

I crocked my head sideways “What’s there to be ready for?”

Sal didn’t respond for a while he rubbed his head in his hands before looking up at me “Let’s just say I also have things I’d rather not talk about Maggie.” His voice was a low mumble as his eyes strayed to the floor I swore I could see tears.

 I didn’t pursue it any more though I couldn’t handle any drama. I lay on the ground looking up at the white painted celling and tried to take a sip of my empty glass “ohhhh Salvatoreee my glass is empty do be a darling” Sal rolled his eyes taking the glass from my hand “I think you’re drunk Maggie”

“I hope so” I shouted “otherwise the room is spinning on its own you should get that checked out”

Before we knew it the sun was rising the wine had run out hours ago but we continued to sit and chat even sobering up slightly but not much “I think I’d better be getting home” my phone died a while back and I shuddered to think of the amount of missed calls from Murr, Brian and even Sam I felt a pang of guilt when I thought about how harshly I walked out on Sam “I’ll call you a cab” Sal yawned sleepily getting to his feet. 

The cab arrived and I gave Sal a hug as he walked me to the door “This was great, Love ya buddy”

“Love you too sweetie” he yawned again “Now get the hell outta my house”

“Rude!” I retorted flipping the finger at him. I smiled to myself the whole way home having to stagger in oh to quietly so I didn’t wake James. There were a few letters left by the door but I was far too sleepy to read them they could wait till morning I plugged my phone into charge and regretted it immediately as a wave of texts and call alerts came flooding in, they too could wait till morning.


	15. A letter and A proposal

I only managed to get a few hours’ sleep because James came rushing into my room as soon as he was awake. I gathered he must have seen my shoes I kicked off at the front door and realised I was home “Maggie Thorne where the hell have you been I was worried sick and Q was absolutely distraught we were so close to calling the police to go out and look for you”

“Relax mother” I groaned from under the covers I had pulled over my head “I spent the night at Sal’s”

“Sal’s as in our Sal?” James took a seat on the bed

“Yes James, Salvatore Vulcano our Sal we had a few glasses of wine and ended up chatting all night” he hit me with a cushion for my sarcasm 

“You look like shit, also I had better call your boyfriend and tell him you haven’t been kidnapped” he chuckled leaving the room before I hit him back

 I sat up and rubbed my sleepy eyes I needed a shower to wake myself up. The cold water felt good on my skin I had never liked warm showers I felt more refreshed after stepping out of a freezing cold shower it reminded me of being home again at the beach during the cold summers and even colder autumns and springs.

I stepped out pulling some fresh jeans and a t-shirt on and made my way to the kitchen to grab a coffee Murr had made me “I called Q he was obviously relieved and told me to tell you not to forget its date night tonight and I’m guessing by the look on your face you totally forgot?”

I giggled nodding “Shit I had better get some laundry done I don’t think I’ve anything to wear” I hopped off the chair taking my coffee to my room as I loaded up my bed with things to wash.

A letter addressed to me fell to the floor James must have brought it in when waking me this morning I sat down on the bed opening the letter.

**Dear Miss Thorne**

**We have received your application and after some consideration are absolutely delighted to offer you a place on the team.  As you know Travel America are all about reaching out to people through our advertisements and marketing showing what amazing adventures people can have here in the U.S and we do believe with your studies in both travel and photography/media your talents will be greatly valued during your time with us. You are also being informed that although the job will require you to travel from state to state with our film crew the official headquarters is in Phoenix AZ and should you take the job with us we will expect you to find residence in the city.  Please respond to the email address down below as soon as possible so we may be able to set up an information meeting with you regarding your new job with us.**

**Many thanks**

**Anna Kennedy**

**Travel America careers manager.**

Shit.

I sat on the bed reading the words over and over again I couldn’t quite believe it but here it was in black and white my new start I know I had sent the application away when everything turned sour between me and Brian but this was an incredible opportunity but it meant moving all the way to phoenix. I only knew it was almost at the other side of the country I opened the map on my phone

Staten Island NY to Phoenix AZ by car

Search result: 1 day 11 hours (2402 miles)

I ran my fingers through my hair blinking at the results 35 hours and 2 thousand miles away from everything I had come to know I would have to say goodbye to everybody it would be heart-breaking but could I really afford not to take this chance? Doing what I loved and getting money for it I couldn’t work in a coffee shop all my life.

I shoved the letter in my bed side drawer and told myself I wouldn’t say anything to anybody until I had reached a decision. And a difficult decision it would be.

 I flicked through the album of wedding pictures I had yet to show the guys as I had got them back while they were on tour I felt a warmth inside as I looked at the group photo of all of us even though Q and I weren’t speaking much then we both managed a smile for the camera as we stood at opposite ends of the group there was Me then Sal ,Lynda ,Murr ,Bessy ,Joe and then Q thankfully Alyssa had been away getting another drink while the photo was being taken there was also the couple Sal and I had taken in the Hotel room before leaving we looked so silly but that’s how we were. There was also a great one of the four guys all looking quite handsome in their suits all smiling I had come to love these guys so freaking much and now it looked like I would have to say goodbye to them.

My favourite photo came last in the album I still don’t know who took it but Bessy had sent it to me a few days after returning from the honeymoon it was of Q and I dancing his arm was firm around my waist I was looking up at him and he looked at me we were both smiling as the blurred fairy lights sparkled in the background there was nobody else in the shot just us and that’s exactly how it felt the moment I realised I loved him if I did take the job telling Brian would be the hardest having to leave him would probably kill me.

The bad voice came into my head again _catch yourself on Maggie he’ll have another girl in his bed as soon as you’ve left the state_. I didn’t want to believe it but it was probably right.

A knock came to my bedroom door as I shoved the photo album under my pillow I was having a copy made for each of the guys and didn’t want to spoilt it just yet “Hey Maggie, I’m going upstairs to Lynda’s I’ll see you later”

“Sure Murr” I called back to him I had a huge lump in my throat “Have fun!”  I gave myself a good shake and continued getting the laundry sorted I needed to be ready on time Brian had a very good habit of arriving early just as I was getting out of the shower he swore it was a coincidence that it happened 3 times but he’s such an adorably bad liar thankfully I was a better one when it came to avoiding things.

Brian text to say he was outside I pulled a shawl over the black dress I was wearing and gave myself a last check in the mirror I smiled as I realised it was the same dress I had worn the first time I met Murr in the apartment I could hear Q impatiently blowing the horn out on the street. I smiled once more in the mirror and ran out the door.

He was leaning against the cherry red jeep looking oh so handsome in a smart shirt and jeans his hair was combed with not a hat in sight and his beard was groomed damn he looked good. “There’s my pretty lady” he beamed as he pulled me in for a huge warm hug I pressed my face into his chest he smelled so good I reached up and ran my hands through his beard into his hair I stood on my tiptoes and I reached up to kiss him. Four months and I still felt the fireworks every time his lips touched mine. “Why don’t we just skip dinner tonight” I whispered softly to him he looked so good I just needed to have him he gave a booming laugh as he ran his finger under my chin and kissed me on the nose “Not tonight baby girl I’ve something special planned.”

“What’s the occasion?” I panicked slightly had I forgotten an anniversary? No it wasn’t the 14th I couldn’t and it definitely wasn’t his birthday it was only reaching the end of August.

“No occasion Baby, I just felt like spoilin ya tonight” he opened my door and shut it again climbing into his side all I could do was admire him as he drove furrowing his eyebrow at the road when trying to concentrate fuck he was gorgeous.

We arrived at the restaurant I had never been here before it looked like somewhere I wouldn’t even think of going either like crazy fancy, ladies covered in jewels toasted glasses of champagne and called each other darrrling that’s how fancy it was.. well maybe not quite that fancy but there were candles and fresh roses on every table “oh my god Q this is way too much” I hissed at him as the doorman took my shawl and Brains coat

“shhh just enjoy it babe.” he kissed me on the cheek before approaching the guest “Hi I made a reservation for Quinn.”

The waitress smiled at him “Ah yes Mr Quinn your table is ready please follow me.”

Brian lead me by the hand to the table he ordered a beer for himself and a sweet sparkling wine for me he held my hand across the table looking at me with a silly smile on his face and his head crooked sideways “what?” I said I was starting to feel self-conscious

“nuthin.” he shrugged “you just look so beautiful.”

“Oh c’mon Q what is all this? I know you love nothing better than keeping it simple with whiskey and a take out at home now we’re out having dinner with candles and roses what’s going on.”

Q raised his hands in defeat “Okay Maggie you got me, how do you always read me so well?”

“Clearly my intelligence matches my undeniable beauty.” I sighed stroking my face

Q laughed his eyes sparkling as he squeezed my hand “Let’s get serious for a minute babe, I’ve been doing some thinking and I’m not getting any younger y’know I’m pushing 40 and still living alone it’s gotten to that stage where I like the idea of settling down and raising a family which a year ago I would of laughed at y’know.” I was starting to panic where did all this come from my heart was racing I was expecting him to get down on one knee any minute “Don’t look so scared baby I’m not proposing just yet but I was wondering Miss Maggie Thorne if you would do me the honour of moving in with me….”

I’m pretty sure I stopped breathing my head felt fuzzy I loved him so much but I had to consider the job “Wow Q I uh don’t know what to say..”

“Well say yes you silly goose”

“I…I can’t”

He laughed a bit thinking it was a joke, it wasn’t. “What do you mean you can’t?

“Brian you can’t just spring this on me I’ve never given you any hint I wanted to settle down I’m only 23 for god’s sake!”  people at the tables where watching and whispering my voice was barely a hushed breath now “I’m so Sorry Brian I don’t want this” I got up from the table completely forgetting my shawl on the way out the air was cold and bitter on my arms outside I walked up the street nothing was making sense where was I, where was I going to go, what was happening?

It was all falling apart again that’s what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a horrible person to these two beautiful characters i actually cried writing the chapter, i was listening to Labrinth Jealous but its all for the drama !!


	16. Bad news

I could hear him running behind me I didn’t want to turn around quite frankly I just wanted to disappear but he caught me, he grabbed my arm a little too hard and turned me around I looked into his sad brown eyes and my heart broke. His hair was a mess across his face and he was panting for air he looked how I felt. He had my shawl in his hands he wrapped it around me “What the fuck Maggie?! What was that?” I couldn’t even answer him I just stared at him hoping this wasn’t happening “Answer me!” he pleaded “I love you Maggie don’t you love me anymore or even at all?”

I pulled him close to me “of course I love you I just can’t move in with you I haven’t even got a career yet I haven’t lived I don’t want to be stuck in a coffee shop all my life while you make the money, I don’t want to be married and I definitely don’t want kids.”

Brian tried to take this all in his eyes suddenly widened “This is about Sal isn’t it.”

“Sal? What the fuck does Sal have to do with this?”

“You spent the night with him last night he knew I was going to ask you to move in and he turned you against it didn’t he! It all makes sense now your lunch dates together and how you constantly have inside jokes going on its all a big joke behind my back isn’t it?”

I saw red before I knew it. My hand lashed out striking him on the cheek I started at him furiously with tear filled eyes “How dare you Brian Quinn, Sal is my best friend and yours! How dare you accuse me of something as horrible and even worse accusing him you’ve known him 20 fucking years he has nothing to do with me not wanting to live with you! I just fucking can’t okay?!”

His voice was nothing but a whisper as his cheek burned red “I’m so sorry Maggie” he didn’t even look me in the eye as he said it. I hailed a cab and turned to him running my fingers through his hair I kissed him on the forehead and  got in without even looking back at him.

I got back to the apartment throwing my bag and shoes down Murr, Sal and Joe where sat around the TV all three looked up when I walked in

“Heyy Irish, come to pack your bags?” Joe smiled I burst straight into tears for the second time on front of him and ran to my room slamming the door my chest was tight I could barely breathe I was sobbing so hard how could Brian of said those things I loved him more than I’d ever loved another person I just didn’t want him now, the timing couldn’t of been worse.

A knock came to my door I knew who It was before he even spoke “Go away Sal” I screamed between cries “No” he simply said walking on in he sat on the bed pulling me into a hug I cried into his shirt as he shushed me softly and rubbed my back “I fucked up Sal I really fucked up”

“Just give it a few days Maggie you guys are meant to be I know it”

“But I can’t live with him”

“He’ll understand in a few days I promise” we stayed like that for a while until I had calmed down Sal pulled himself away rubbing the hair from my eyes he pulled the blanket around me and left the room I drifted off to sleep.

A few hours later I woke the house was quiet the clock read just after three thirty all was peaceful I sat up and pulled the letter from the drawer this was it I read it over and over Brian was gone I could take the job I could get away I wouldn’t have to face him anymore I wasn’t even thinking straight but it seemed like a great idea I paced the room for what seemed like an hour working out what I should do.  I had just about enough saved up in my savings box to make it for a few weeks I reached under the bed for my laptop, shit I had left it in the sitting room when I had been sorting laundry earlier and listening to Queen.

I opened the door softly the creeped out to the hallway I froze when I heard a voice it sounded like Murr talking in his sleep again but it was coming from the sitting room he was on the phone barely awake but he sounded annoyed “Hello….who? No sorry wrong number …. Yes I’m sure… there is No Sparrow here lady I’m sorry!” My whole body tensed up and bolted towards Murr snatching the phone off him I raised it too my ear

“Hhhello?”

 _“Sparrow?!”_  The voice a beautiful sweet Irish brogue my sisters to be exact completely unchanged   I couldn’t speak, that name I hadn’t been called in 6 years my sisters voice I hadn’t heard in 4 years. I barely heard what she said next it was all just broken words.

_“Mammy, dying, Organ failure, come home, airport, Liam.”_

“I’ll see you in a few days Fallon” I managed to utter

_“I love you Sparrow..”_

The line went dead I dropped the phone and fell to my knees after so many years of running, home had caught up with me and was dragging me back.

James kneeled on front of me trying to get my attention “Maggie?! What was that? Who’s sparrow who’s Fallon? Help me understand here Maggs”

I took a deep breath the secrets I kept inside for so long couldn’t be held any longer “I’m Sparrow.. Sparrow Magnolia Thorne. That was my sister Fallon Thorne my mother Willow Thorne is dying and I need to go back home to Ireland….” James just stared blankly he couldn’t get his head around it I barely could, the words didn’t make sense.  I got to my feet I needed it to make sense I had to be strong.

“Murr I need you to help me please Can you book me on a flight to Ireland um.. try Belfast International Airport as soon as you can, there is money in my savings box if there’s not enough I will pay you back every penny. Can you also call Brian I feel he should know” I was pacing now my hands flapping wildly “I need to uhh.. What do I need to do?! I need to pack a bag yes that’s good and call Sal” I ran off towards my room

“Maggie or uh Sparrow? “ James called after me “I’m coming with you”

“No Murr don’t be silly I don’t have time for this”

“I mean it you can’t do this on your own. I’ll book us tickets now we will be on the first flight home in the morning” I ran to my friend giving him a huge squeezing hug I didn’t want to start crying but I couldn’t help it the emotion had overcome me completely

I broke out my suitcase from the closet throwing things wildly into it whatever I could find clothes, make up, jewellery, my photo album, my camera, my ragged teddy and my Benjamin teddy a lot of stuff I had to leave behind but I had what I needed. I dialled Sal momentarily forgetting it was nearly four in the morning it rang for so long but finally he picked up.

“Sal!? I’m so sorry to wake you but I need your help”

_“Uhh Maggie?! Calm down what’s wrong what time is it?”_

“Nearly four I need you to take me to the airport. Please”

_“Almost four fuck.. Wait airport?”_

“I’m going home sal please help me out”

 _“Maggie what? Why are you leaving I said just to wait a few days_ ” I could hear the panic in his voice and the struggle to get dressed.

“Please just come get me Sal It’s my family”

_“I’ll be straight over”_

And he was within 20 minutes he was banging on the door he looked so sleepy but worried he found James first packing his bags “Murr what the fuck is going on?”

“I don’t even know anymore man, her sister called and her mom’s dying and she freaked out and now needs to go back.”

I couldn’t speak for the whole ride to the airport I sat in the backseat and stared out the window numbly as James and Sal tried to get their head around everything I had kept from them. By the way they spoke they must have thought I was asleep

“So Maggie isn’t even her real name?” Sal had to get Murr to explain it again

“No Man its sparrow and she wasn’t even here by accident she ran away as soon as she turned 18 she hit college then flew here she hasn’t even spoken to her family in about 3 years “

“What the fuck?” Sal said for about the sixth time this morning “did she say why she ran away?”

“She wouldn’t tell me she’s never told anyone much by the sounds of things, we all kind of just accepted she didn’t want to talk about it”

“Well I don’t know about you but I would really like some fucking answers” there was a tone in Sals voice I didn’t blame him for being confused

“Just let it go for now dude she probably has enough on her mind, did you get through to Q yet?

“Nah, I’ve left like 4 voicemails I spoke to Gatto though he said he will go see him tomorrow” we pulled up at a traffic light Sal rested his head on the window letting out a loud groan “this is so fucked up!”

We arrived at the airport Murr went to check us both in Sal sat with me as I tried to get my head straight it didn’t seem real I was seriously getting on a plane to fly back to Ireland.  I thought of New York and suddenly remembered I hadn’t called Sam the sun was coming up so she was bound to be awake and opening the shop.  Thankfully she answered the phone straight away

_“Maggie?!”_

“Sam I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you, it’s my mam Sam she’s dying” I was shaking like crazy as I said the words I wasn’t even sure what emotion I was feeling but I hated it

_“I know, I tried to tell you.“_

“I’m going home Sam” I just about managed to get the words out there was a silence I thought she had hung up maybe it was just shock.

_“What? How long for?”_

I stopped for a minute that was something I hadn’t even considered how long would I be away I looked to sal for an answer but he didn’t have one earlier “I don’t know Sam I really don’t I have to go my phones dying I’ll try call when I’m home I love you!”

 _“I love you too Maggie you better call me!”_ she gave a sniff I could tell she was crying my phone flashed as it died I had packed away my charger I felt completely helpless. 

Murr returned with my ticket I turned to face Sal “looks like this is goodbye Sal”

He shook his head “Don’t say that Maggie it’s not goodbye”

“But what if it is?” I sniffed

Sal was quiet I could see him trying to concentrate his mind was going crazy “I’ll just have to come with you then wont I?”

I stood shocked was he crazy? “No you can’t”

“Why not Murrs going?”  

He was definitely crazy “James has a ticket and a bag and what about your car”

“One I’ll buy a ticket two I keep a bag in the trunk of my car for emergencies always have done” Murr gave a nod of agreement to back this up “and three I leave the keys at the front desk pay the parking fine and have Joe pick it up in the morning” 

I thought about this for a minute it would be good to have Sal there for support. My mind was so messed up I had no time to protest before he was away getting his bag from the car it was just a bag pack but it had the essentials “you uh do have stores back home don’t you?” he asked quite awkwardly it was the first time I had smiled all day “yes Sal we have shops to buy goods and services also”  

“Well come on little Sparrow bird” Murr said taking my hand “Let’s fly you home “

I sat on the window seat staring out at the runway Sal was right at the back of the plane because he couldn’t get a seat near us. I could hear a child screaming from down his direction and knew it would be one hell of a long flight for him.

“You’re so lucky I love you” Murr leaned over and whispered “I don’t know if you got this but I hate flying.”

I smiled at him and gripped his hand as we took off I took one last look at New York City before pulling down the shutter blind I was so unsure of when I would be back and so unsure of what was to come when we touched down in Ireland in 10 hours’ time.


	17. Another planet

We were over sea now there was nothing to look at anymore the inflight movie was a crappy Adam Sandler flick and I really wasn’t in any mood to watch a comedy Murr could see I was unsettled he had slept for a bit but woken up after a while he had questions to ask and tried to approach them as easily as possible “Now Maggie I know you probably have a lot of things in your head at the minute but don’t you think maybe I deserve an explanation for everything”

He was right I didn’t want him to be but he was right it was time to come clean “what do you want to know?”

“Well how about we start with your name, it’s pretty unsettling when you realise you didn’t even know the name of the roommate you had for almost a year”

I took a breath “well my Mother was a little eccentric she gave us all weird names but my father died while she was pregnant with me and from the day he died to the day I was born a sparrow visited her in the garden every day by the Magnolia plant and she was convinced it was my daddy guarding over me and her. So here I am Sparrow Magnolia when I moved away I feared I wouldn’t survive much in the big bad world with a name like sparrow and to separate myself from my mammy as far as I could I shortened it to Maggie and it’s been that way ever since”

 James nodded as he listened taking it all in “when you say we all have weird names, there’s more than you and your sister Fallon wasn’t it?”

“yeah the twins Fallon Melody which suits Fallon means leader and she has such an angelic voice she’s older by about 10 minutes than my Brother Apollo Journey , Mammy always had a fascination with space and the world above as she called It journey also fits him he’s the most like mam, loves to go on adventures he would go on hikes into the hills for days at a time and just think about things and look at things” I smiled as I thought of my brother so at peace with everything “he’s a pretty cool guy and Fallons great too” 

“It seems like such a nice family why leave?” this was the hardest question to answer I stayed quiet for a long time trying to make the words right in my head it had been so long since I thought about it, I kept it all to the back of my head “I’ve had enough of the question game now Murr sorry I’m going to get some sleep” I turned over to face the window but I didn’t sleep for a minute.

As soon as I seen the first glimpse of the island the nerves in my stomach exploded I had such mixed emotions about being back. We reunited with Sal who was close to kissing the ground he was that relieved to be off the flight the air was bitter and cold the sky was a dusking pink and the familiar accents were music to my ears

“So Maggie how are we getting to your place anyways?” Sal asked as he wheeled my suitcase through the arrival lounge

“From what I gathered Liam was to be here to pick up he’s a family friend” I gazed around the crowd looking of any glimpse of a familiar face I used to know.  I was starting to get nervous I was sure I had heard Fallon right It was another three hour drive to Sheephaven and I didn’t fancy hitchhiking it.

“Well fuck me is that really Sparrow Thorne” a voice from behind me yelled out I spun around and stared right into the sky blue eyes of Liam McAllister definitely not a boy of 19 anymore he had grown up that was something that I forgotten to take in to account while I was away everything continued changing here it hadn’t all stopped just because I had up and left “Oh my god Liam look at you!  You’re so old” I pulled him in close to me.

Liam gave a chuckle as he released me from the hug “well you’re not a young chicken yourself anymore Sparrow look at you hair in a bun and everything.”  The smile disappeared from both our faces as we remembered the reason for our reunion “I’m so sorry about Willow y’know she’s being going downhill for years but she’s bad at the minute it might be a shock I’m just warning you now” 

I nodded like I understood and turned around to Sal for support realising I hadn’t introduced anyone yet “I completely forgot my manners Liam these are my good friends Sal Vulcano and James Murray.” Liam shook the guys hands with a friendly “Hi how are ya”  “Ready to go home little birdy?”  He asked me taking my suitcase from my hands.

“Lead the way.” I smiled as I followed Liam out of the terminal  Sal and Murr both turned to look at each other “Dude he’s like a shaved younger Q” Murr hissed to his friend Sal raised his eyebrows and just nodded.

As soon as we left the city everything became familiar again we drove the winding roads through the hills passing fields upon fields of sheep and cows the odd donkeys and even some alpacas. I wound the window down and let the air at my face “Well boys what do yous think?” Liam asked the guys in the back

“Everything’s so…green!” Murr stated cracking Sal up Liam laughed along

“Aye you better get used to that and kiss your tall buildings and traffic goodbye” 

“So Liam how’s things it’s been five years you must have something to talk about?” I asked him tucking my legs under me watching him drive

“Things have just been things y’know me Da died a few years back?”

“Oh god No I’m so sorry” Liam’s father Fergus had been a great family friend and also landlord to Willow I always remembered him a nice grey haired man always smoking a pipe and whistling as he walked along the lane

“Aye it was rough but Eamons taken over the land now and I help him run it”

A smile came to my face as I remembered Liam’s older brother “Jeez Big Eamon how is he?

“You should as your sister that one last I heard he was working on a proposal to her.”

“Fallon and Eamon?!  Fuck I remember she liked him but I didn’t know they were going out.”

“Like I said Sparrow loads has changed they were living together for a while in the big house but Fal moved out when your Ma got sick” My heart sank a little when I thought of Brains proposal to me it was the first time I had thought of him since we landed now here I was 3,000 miles away with not even a clue of what he was doing or even if he had realised I’d ran away taking his two best friends with me.

“We’ve been in this car for like two hours, how much longer!” Sal whined from the back

“Ah still another while to go yet sir” Liam addressed the huffing American in the back.

Sal turned to Murr “did he just call me Sir?

Murr giggled back “It sounded more like Sar to me”

“You’d better get used to that too guys” I told them “Everyone will address you as Sir as in hi sir how ya doin sir”

Sal shook his head in complete confusion “I feel like I’m on another planet Murr”

As soon as I started seeing the signs for Sheephaven I got emotional I was so close to being back it was almost starting to become exciting, I would see my home, my beach, my pups who were probably puppies no longer but I would also be saying goodbye to my mammy.

I wasn’t too sure how I felt about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thats all for today still more to come from here on it will get so emotional, I'm a wreck just writing it please leave a little review or just a comment telling me what you think so far.


	18. Apollo

We drove through the village first past the cottages and little shops there were a few children playing by the caravan park as we turned on up the hill. The house came into view there it stood the house my mother and father saved from ruins they restored it and she lived in it and raised her children in it. The road disappeared the closer we got it was just a stoney gravel path now I could hear the stones moving under the tyres I could smell the sea air and hear the waves crashing . The sounds of home filled my ears like a song I hadn’t heard in a very long time.

We pulled into the driveway and walked on the path to the house a huge stone building with flowers of every type size and colour growing in the gardens the unused stables and barns around the back still stood the people might of changed but the house stayed the same. Liam dropped us off and had to leave to take care of things around his estate, I stood outside not wanting to go in even though I lived here for 18years I would feel like a stranger if I had walked in the door without knocking. I squeezed Sals hand for support taking deep breaths

A noise from around the back of the house alerted me as two huge brown messes of fur came pounding towards me sending Sal and Murr running for cover behind the Volkswagen camper parked on front of the house “Hello babies!” I yelled out as the two huge Newfoundland’s knocked me to the ground

“Loki, Bartleby get off me” I screamed and giggled as they licked my face the two dogs let me up as they circled me sniffing at my hands and feet Sal peaked his head out from behind the Van “you named your dog’s Loki and Bartleby?” he questioned

“My brother did  why?” clearly he knew something I didn’t Sal just laughed “Q would love that” he seen the expression on my face change “you haven’t heard from him yet?” he asked softly I shook my head I missed him so much it hurt and I hated myself that the last contact I had with him was an argument.

The front door of the house opened and a tall smiling man emerged he was dressed in jeans and an army jacket covered in peace symbols and anti-war patches his rolled up sleeves revealed the vast colourful tattoos on his arm his wrists adored in beaded jewellery like the dreads that hung down his back and the cheeky smile that could only come from my own brother, he ran to me picking me right off my feet and spinning me around I was crushed against his swinging dreads they smelled like the sea and sand the smell of home.

“Sparrow, our little bird has flown home” he smiled setting me down “you look so grown up”

“And you haven’t changed a bit Apollo” I replied still holding his hand he stopped smiling as he looked behind me “Those two guys behind you look familiar?” he whispered  I turned around as beckoned for Sal to come over and meet my brother “Sal, Murr this is my Brother Apollo , Apollo Sal and Murr”

Apollo took a few steps back his eyes widened “No way! You’re Sal Vulcano holy crap you’re the tenderloins?!”

“Well half of them” Murr quipped shaking my brothers hand “Nice to meet you”

“Wait!” Apollo stared at me concerned “I’m not on camera am I? Cause that’s not Zen!”

“Relax Apollo  Murrs my roommate and Sal insisted on coming along” I explained to my brother, Apollo seemed even more amazed “oh my god you’re friends with these guys, well any friend of my sisters is more than welcome in our home grab your bags and I’ll take you to the spare rooms”

We stepped inside the house I could smell the turf burning on the fire the familiar cackle of the flames and the warmth of the room Apollo lead us upstairs to our rooms and then left us to get settled.

I walked into my room at stopped in the doorway, nothing had changed in 5 years Willow hadn’t moved a thing it was dusted and cleaned but everything was as it was when I left. Teddy bears still on my bed photos around the room of the child I once was. The canvas I had gotten for my 18th I was heartbroken I couldn’t take it with me when I moved, pictured in it was me about 9 years old  running through the shallow water on the beach I was barefoot in a flowing dress and smiling my head thrown back and my long  hair free flowing behind me. 

 It was definitely a happier time although Willow and I hadn’t always seen eye to eye there was no denying she gave me my thirst for photography she was rarely seen without a camera in her hand It was always a film camera too sometimes a polaroid she never had time for anything digital the only reason we even had a TV was because the twins saved up every penny of their first communion money to buy it and when mines came along I bought a camera I would follow her around for hours copying everything she done it was never anything good I didn’t have a clue about focusing or framing but it made me feel close to her, Willow was herself when she was taking photos, capturing moments she called it.

I didn’t bother unpacking my bag Sals bedroom was next door to mine I checked on Murr first but he was only half conscious and jet lagged Sal however was unpacking everything and making sure it was folded neatly “what do you think?” I asked sitting down on his bed as he bustled around the room “Dark…crazy dark I can’t even see out that window, I can hear water though”

“yeah street lamps were never really a thing here you can notice a few in the distance that’s the village down the road and the water is the beach down the lane you will see it in the morning as the sun rises, the sand glows in the morning light and the seagulls and various other birds sing their morning song” 

“Sounds beautiful” Sal replied sitting down beside me “I can’t see why you left though this is probably the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.”

“Beauty always hides a secret Sal”

“Like you were hiding one from us?”

I gave a sigh “you just wouldn’t understand”

“Maybe not” he said taking my hand “but I think maybe it’s time you went to see her?” I stood up from the bed knowing he was right I hugged him goodnight “Be strong little bird” he whispered to me kissing my nose like he always did when I needed comfort. I closed my eyes and smiled at my new given nickname before leaving the room. 

I approached my mother’s bedroom door and knocked and waited Sals words  replayed in my head _Be Strong Maggie_ I told myself _No_ I thought back to whatever subconscious I was talking to _Be strong Sparrow._


	19. Goodnight Mammy

The door opened and the smell of lavender hit me immediately Willow had always been crazy for incense sticks their smoke danced through the house leaving the most beautiful calming smells.

Fallon was inside the room sitting at my mother’s side my sister was noticeably older but she still dressed in long gyspy skirts and cardigans her glasses rested on her nose and she clutched a book. She studied me for a minute probably noticing how un-sparrow like I was now my hair was tied neat in a bun and I wore smart black trousers heeled boots and a blazer a vast change to the barefoot free child pictured in my room.

She stood up to embrace me “Sparrow I’m so glad you’re here” she pulled me close I closed my eyes to stop the tears flowing it felt so nice to hug my sister again. I’m sure she felt the same as soon as she pulled away she pulled a tissue from her apron and wiped her eyes she was the image of mother when she smiled “I’m going to leave you alone for a while, we’ll have a proper talk in the morning” she kissed me on the cheek and left the room.

I stood for a minute not quite knowing what I was supposed to do. The clock in the corner ticking was the only noise apart from my mother’s shallow breathing, her hair was greying now it was still as long as it ever was lying spread out on the pillow I sat on the chair beside her wondering if should I speak to her, what would I even say oh hey mum sorry I ran away and I’m only coming back now cause you’re dying I smiled at my boldness that was exactly something I would of said to her.

“so um Hi Mammy Its Mag…Its Sparrow I’m home” I felt so stupid I didn’t even know If she could hear me I reached out and stroked her soft hands worn smooth by the years of work done to the house her eyes opened she looked straight at me “Hi mammy how are you” she couldn’t speak but she gave a slight smile and squeezed my hand

 I looked at this poor frail woman nobody would of ever believed what she had been like when the alcohol consumed her and she could barely remember her children’s names, when she stood on the beach and hysterically screamed her husband’s name knowing he was never coming back but I looked at her now and felt so much pity and sorrow, she had met the one she loved when she was young and knew immediately she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man and just 10 years later he was gone.  Living alone raising 3 children part of me didn’t blame her for how she was. I only wish she had been strong enough to fight the depression that ruined her.

“I’m so sorry mama I should of at least called or something I just needed to get away I needed structure and order and I wasn’t going to get that here there is nothing in the village that I could of done and said I had lived my life, I needed to go, I thought of you nearly every day I’ve taken some beautiful photos I wish I could of showed you them” she squeezed my hand I could tell in her eyes she had understood “I fell in love too I didn’t expect it to happen but I did” I smiled as I thought of Brian “He’s gorgeous mama really handsome he’s a comedian too so he makes me laugh definitely a city boy though a big softy at heart and when he proposed.. I ran away just like I did on you Fallon and Apollo. I love him more than any beach, any captured moment anything but I ruined it.”

 Her eyes were getting sleepy I could tell her end was coming I lay my head on her pillow and stroked the wrinkles by her eyes “I wish we could have had more time together I will hold on to everything you taught me though. I’ll remember how you looked when the wind was in your hair and the sun on your skin you showed me what it meant to love yourself and be free. How you danced with me standing on your feet around the house you called me your Tiny Dancer. The nights by the fire when you would sing to us while Apollo played his guitar I’ll remember everything good about you and not about the illness that took you from us Mammy. Just promise me you’ll look after me and help me not to be so scared of loving somebody and I promise to repair things with Fallon.” She gave my hand a tight squeeze as she could and I buried my head into her hair she turned her head slightly to rest on mine and croaked a little she was trying to speak the only thing she whispered was “Desperado” before she closed her eyes again I had no idea what she meant was I concluded it as just the pain medicine speaking. I smelled the lavender in her hair and kissed her cheek “I love you Mammy” I whispered through my tears as I stood and left the room.

I shut the door of my bedroom and lay down the last word she spoke to me still echoing in my head I fell asleep shortly after a deep sleep where you dream all night In my head I seen the beach I seen the fire I heard the piano in the living room play and the words of tiny dancer spinning through my mind

_Ballerina, you must have seen her_

_Dancing in the sand_

_And now she’s in me always with me_

_Tiny dancer in my hand,_

_Hold me closer tiny dancer_

_Count the headlights on the highway_

_Lay me down in sheets of linen_

_You had a busy day today._

 

  I saw my mother dancing young, beautiful and free. 


	20. Home Truths

I woke up confused and scared I could hear the waves crashing and the birds singing I almost called for my mam then realised I wasn’t 10 I was 23 but I was home again. The movement to my right told me somebody was in my room they didn’t speak as they sat on the bed the heavy movement of the bed told me it was probably Sal. Part of me already knew what he had come to tell me but I needed to hear him say the words.

“I’m sorry Maggie, She didn’t make it through the night.” I still didn’t turn around to face him I moved over in the bed and allowed him to lie down we both lay on our backs holding hands we didn’t speak just lay. I couldn’t cry I was just about breathing I felt numb and although Sal was right beside me I felt alone.

After a while I turned to Sal it was the only words that would actually come out “I miss Brian” he nodded and broke a little smile “So do I”

I got up from the bed “I’d better go find the twins.”

 Sal nodded “I’m gonna take a shower how do you even survive with only two bathrooms here”

I giggled at the disgusted germaphobe “we just make do” I shrugged

I approached the kitchen where my sister stood just staring out of the window at the waves she too was still in last night’s clothes her hair was a mess and her eyes were red from crying I didn’t think she knew I was there until she spoke “She was only holding on for you, Dr pierce said she should of gone a week ago but I kept promising her she would see you again”

“I wish I had of known Fal.”

She turned to face me “Well maybe if you had of answered my calls or maybe if you were actually here to see for yourself at least she wasn’t in pain when you seen her I’ve had to endure months of hospital appointments and caring for her and listening to her cry at night when she thought she wouldn’t get to see her baby bird before she died”

I felt so much guilt although Willow had forgiven me it would take a while for Fallon to believe I had to get away.

She spoke bitterly to me “your friend the skinny American said he didn’t even know you had family, you kept it all from them, were you that ashamed of who you are?”

“His name is James and no I wasn’t ashamed I was more ashamed in myself for lying to them I need structure Fallon I needed to live the way she taught us about life by living it going out into the world myself and experiencing it first-hand”

“And what about me Sparrow?  I’ve lived in Sheephaven my whole damn life and I feel like I lived it just fine I have a man who loves me what do you have? Do you really think your big shot American friends will be around to be your rock forever? Any of these so called friends that you have didn’t even know your real name until yesterday you were just this character you made up the whole damn time.”

The words stung more than any slap to the face ever could. I could of ran away I could of lashed out but I thought of the promise I’d made to mammy “I’m going to make things better Fallon I mean it” I pulled her in for a cuddle I needed her to believe I meant it.  I’m not letting go until you hug me back”

She gave a slight laugh and wrapped her arms around me “I’ve missed you Sparrow” she squeezed me tighter

“Aw would you look at that, Group hug everybody!” Apollo declared as he walked through the back door the three of us stood embracing the three remaining Thornes.

We started setting the table for lunch, there was thick fresh cut bread and plates of ham and chicken and beautiful cherry red tomatoes picked straight from the vegetable garden. Everything looked fresh and delicious if there was one think you couldn’t fault Ireland for it was the food. I yelled upstairs for Sal and Murr to come join us my siblings took their seats at the table out of respect we left mothers chair at the head of the table free Sal entered the kitchen looking around “Hey has anyone seen Murr?” it only occurred to me then that I hadn’t seen Murr all morning .

“Fallon have you seen James” I asked pouring out cups of tea for all of us  

“The skinny American? Aye Liam came by this morning and told me he was cleaning the Gallery for the wake and James offered to go with him.”

I stopped pouring and looked at my sister, “What Gallery?”

“Mothers gallery down in the village where P.Js sweet shop used to be she rescued it and restored it and showcased all her work”

I felt a sense of pride in my mother finally people were seeing the talent she possessed “she really did that?”

Apollo turned to me “She really did get better after you left she never touched alcohol and her photos became really popular” there was a sadness in his eyes as he spoke he was really going to miss her we all were but Apollo had no one but mama Fallon was almost engaged and I hadn’t even been here for those 5 years when she got better.

“So we’re having the wake at the Gallery?” I took a bite of the huge sandwich I had made myself

Fallon nodded as she ate delicately as ever breaking off little bites “It’s what she wanted we’re going to invite people to view her work one last time before we close the gallery the McAllister’s housekeepers are providing food and the O’Reillys at the pub are providing drinks”

“And the funeral?”

“Scattering the ashes on the beach by the rock area she loved to much” Apollo spoke “even on her death bed she warned us about giving her a catholic send-off”

I smiled as I remembered the area of rocks my mum spent a lot of her time it took a lot of climbing to get to but the views of the village and beach were just stunning.  There was a huge drop down to the water at least 15 feet we used to throw ourselves off we were taught not to be afraid of the water and we never were, rain or sun we would dive from the rocks screaming wildly. At night we would build a fire in the fire pit and sit around it laughing and playing around we would eat sandwiches that were half  actual sand and sing songs together every star in the night sky would shine for us.

On her bad days Willow would go there to cry sometimes she wouldn’t be home till morning she would just sit up there all night drinking and freezing.

Sals question broke me from my thoughts “Your mother wasn’t a catholic woman?” he was wiping the crumbs from his mouth as he finished his food Apollo gave a chuckle before realising he was serious “Definitely not she was never religious more spiritual than anything she had her crystals and her angel cards but her parents had raised her to be afraid of the wrath of God rather than to celebrate her religion, after she ran away with our Da and married him Mary Frances McNamara changed her name and  became Willow Thorne”

“That’s incredible” Sal smiled “that’s where this one must get her free spirit” he laughed poking my arm.

“That’s for sure” my sister replied “Mammy always joked if she had of known how wild and adventurous Sparrow here would be she would of named her Pocahontas instead.”

“Oo I love that film” I piped up

“Don’t I know it” Sal replied putting his head in his hands “I’ve only had to listen to you sing the soundtrack like a million times”

I grabbed a piece of tomato throwing at his head it landed with a splat and slid down his face I collapsed with laughter before getting a telling off from my sister “If you have nothing useful to do go get ready for the wake we’ll have to start welcoming visitors soon to pay their respects and I want you to be presentable especially you!” she turned to face my brother who had started scooping Jam out of the bowl with a spoon she slapped his hand away and took the bowl from him.

“Ow what was that for?!” he screamed

“I’m talking clean clothes here Apollo!”  She warned.

We could still hear their muffled argument as Sal and I climbed the stairs into my room I pulled my suitcase out and began to unpack Sal sat on the bed watching

“Is that really how you organise a case?! It’s so messy” he seemed disgusted that I had just thrown everything in

“Well sorry Mr Tidy and neat but I didn’t exactly have a lot of time did I?” I threw my Benjamin teddy at him and feigned and attack rolling back onto the bed

 “Hello what’s this” he pulled the photo album out from under his back “ooo Miss Maggie’s secret diary is it”  

“No Sal give it back” I went to reach for it but he pulled it out of my way he smiled as he flicked through the photos there were landscapes of New York, captures of families in the park a few of Sam and Cassidy, the photo of Joe and Bessy I gave them for their wedding present Sal gave a laugh as he seen the ones from the hotel we had taken. there was one I had just got printed but hadn’t yet stuck in of Brian he was lying asleep on the couch with an arm tucked behind his head and his hair was messy, all 3 kitty’s were tucked in beside him he looked so cute lying with his three babies I just had to take a photo. “These are amazing Maggie you’ve such a talent”

Sal seen my smile disappear when I looked at the photo of Brian I wanted him to be here with me so much just to hug him and feel safe to run my hands through his hair to have him nuzzle my neck Sal squeezed my arm as I rested my head on his shoulder “I’m sure he’s missing you just as much.”

“Do you think so?”

“Definitely, he’s crazy about you; he wanted to marry you Maggie does that not prove it”

I gave a shrug “I suppose so.”

“When we go back you’ll be able to talk it over with him I’m sure you will both work something out” he gave me a smile and I couldn’t help but smile back even though I still had no idea when I would be going back or even if Q would want me back.


	21. Don't hit your fiance

I smoothed my hair back tying it into a plait I was so nervous about having to face everyone in the village I knew they would all be there they all knew Willow and would want to come say goodbye what would they say about me though that I’d abandoned my family and run off?

Eamon had already come to pick up Fallon earlier to go let the undertakers bring the body she barely spoke I don’t blame her for being afraid it was a tough thing to have to do. Eamon welcomed me with a hug he was a lot taller now than he used to be he was the double of his brother but stronger his hair had started to grey slightly at the sides but he was still as kind as he ever was and it was clear by the way he held my sister how much he cared for her.

I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders and made my way downstairs Apollo was standing at the bottom fiddling with his tie “This stupid fucking thing” he shouted I undid the knot he had got it in and tightened it nice and straight

“It’s going to be okay.” I soothed him I only half believed the words myself. Sal gave a cough as he interrupted the moment to tell us we should be going before my sister blew a fuse, I think he was quite afraid of Fallon and I didn’t blame him.

We walked down the lane towards the village along the sea wall that lead the way the sun was just setting over Muckish mountain and the clouds were a stunning pink colour. I could hear the water flowing Apollo didn’t speak a word just taking deep breaths as he walked behind me Sal was completely amazed  he scanned every inch of the sky dusking sky.

The Gallery was memorizing there were no lights switched on only candles of every shape, size and colour surrounding the room making a lovely glow along with enough flowers to make a florists the smell was beautiful overwhelming but beautiful. I got a few strange looks as I walked in with Apollo I’m sure people probably thought I was his girlfriend until they looked a little harder and seen it was me “ _the lost daughter_ ”.

I approached the coffin where Fallon stood. My mother was dressed in a beautiful yellow dress and held a few lilies in her hand her fingers each dressed with a different ring and a simple string around her neck with a several pieces of sea glass threaded onto it. She looked so beautiful but felt so cold the only thing that felt like her was her hair I stroked it softly it probably still smelled like lavender too.

After greeting several faces I recognized I went to find Sal who I found stuck between two elderly ladies who were having a gossip about the price of Milk. I thought I had better save him “Excuse me Mrs Brennan, Mrs MacMurphy may I borrow Sal for a little word please”

Mrs Brennan looked at me and her face lit up “Oh Sparrow dear I didn’t see you there Welcome home” I smiled kindly at the old lady before Mrs MacMurphy joined in “That isn’t Sparrow Thorne she’s too ladylike I remember a wee scrapper of a wild child never wearing shoes and hair as matted as a wolf” I blushed hard as Sals mouth dropped at the woman’s bold words “It’s Me Mrs MacMurphy all grown up”

“Well it’s lovely to see you back chicken, this is a lovely young man you’ve got yourself here, are you two engaged?” Mrs Brennan smiled at me as Sal started to laugh trying to disguise it as a cough “Oh gosh No Mrs Brennan Sal is a very good friend of mine” I blushed hard at the misunderstanding scratching the back of my head. Sal looked ready to explode trying to hold in his laughter he got to his feet and followed me to a quiet corner “Those women could have been trying to sell me their grandchildren and I would have just smiled and nodded”

“I thought you went to find Murr” I hissed at him “I haven’t seen him all day”

“Maybe he was kidnapped by leprechauns” Sal shrugged cracking up

“That’s offensive you bitch” I slapped him hard on the arm

“Meanie, you can’t hit your fiancé!” he pouted at me before starting to fake cry into my shoulder a couple passed by us stared at Sals loud sobs “very emotional” I mouthed to them as I caressed his hair they nodded sympathetically and walked on before Sals sobs turned into uncontrollable laughter “knock it off dude, Fallon will kill you” even though I was laughing too, we eventually settled ourselves.

Apollo was strumming soft music on his guitar as Sal and I toured the rooms looking at all the art work the same photo of my younger self in my room hung on the wall there were also ones of the twins playing in the sand and beautiful images of the beach and the mountains Apollo and the pups running through the fields I felt so much pride as my eyes wandered over the pictures.

 I settled on a huge canvas it was by Willows cove It must have been taken with a tripod because Willow was in it too she sat on a rock with a protective hand on her visibly pregnant stomach looking out to sea, An 8 year old Apollo sat with a caterpillar on his finger giggling wildly at it, in the corner was my father lying on his back with his feet in the air and Fallon resting on them arms out wide like she was a bird. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore the only family photo I would ever own, why couldn’t I of had this perfect family growing up they all looked so happy Daddy died not long after it was taken and Willows spiral into depression began but all those years she held on to this photo as I reminder of how perfect life was once.

Sal hugged me tight but the tears just wouldn’t stop “I think I want to go home now Sal I’ve had a long day” He nodded and put his jacket around me before going to tell my sister I was leaving.

We walked back up the dark lane as I wiped my tears on Sals Jacket sleeve Sal had his hand clasping mine running his thumb softly forward and back “How about we go in make a huge bowl of snacks and get cosy and watch a film?” he asked as we turned down the driveway to the house “Mmm sounds great” I agreed “but we should find Murr first I’m getting worried about him he’s just vanished.”

Sal nodded and looked towards the house “Hey there’s a light on maybe he’s home.”

Sal opened the front door and lead me in to the house my eyes adjusted to the light I heard Liam’s familiar laugh from the kitchen “Aw that’s funny man that is classic!”

“James Murray where the hell have you been all day” I screamed towards the kitchen a figure emerged from the kitchen walking past me towards the stairs as I threw my heels off “Hey Irish, how’ve ya been?”

“I’m doing okay thanks Joe” I smiled marching towards the kitchen ready to give James hell for abandoning me then I stopped “Wait Joe?!” He started to laugh and pointed towards the kitchen I ran down the hallway stopping in when I realised it wasn’t Murr sitting at the table.

“Heyy pretty lady” two arms surrounded me and pulled me into the familiar smell and warm embrace of Brian Quinn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to be really horrible and not update for tomorrow but I'm being good to my readers next chapter coming straight up.


	22. No more hiding.

I could barely believe it I felt his arms around me squeezing tight I was afraid to let go in case it was all a crazy hallucination and he wasn’t here. I eventually pulled away and looked up at those beautiful brown eyes I had missed so much, yup he was definitely really here “How. What..?” the words could barely come out.

Joe walked up behind me giving me a signature Gatto hug “well when we found out you three had run off to the emerald isle here, Q and I thought that wasn’t very fair and that we should take a vacation and join you. Sorry about your mom Sweetie.” I pulled the two New Yorkers close to me we were all together again. 

“I finally got through to the guys late last night and they told me they were flying in this afternoon I Okayed it with your sister and she got Liam here to take me to the Airport to pick up the guys” Murr said with a Smile sitting down at the table with Liam.

“You’re so lucky I don’t charge like a taxi service.” Liam laughed as he produced a deck of playing cards and began to lay them out on front of Murr.

“I think there’s a bit of a bromance going on there if you ask me.” Brian whispered a smile came to my face as I though how much of a polar opposite city and well-spoken James was compared to an Irish Farm boy like Liam.

“So everyone was in on this from this morning and never told me?” I eyed all of them suspiciously

“I wasn’t!” a dumbstruck Sal piped up as he entered the kitchen

“Ayyyy Salvatore!” Brian yelled as he high fived his best friend

“Ayyyy Nothing” Sal huffed “why wasn’t I told?”

“Cause dude you can’t lie to her” Brian laughed pointing to me it was so good to hear him laugh again I nodded my agreement at Sal “He’s right buddy you can’t.”

Joe had joined in with the guys at the table to play cards as I stood just looking at Brian and smiling “Thank you for coming all this way”

Brian frowned as the put his arm around me “I hated thinking you were here without me and still hating me for what happened.”

“I don’t hate you Q, but we should probably talk about everything that went down” he nodded and motioned towards the back door with his thumb. Sal noticed this too “Uhh Maggie? The Movie?”

“Oh feck Sorry Sal, play cards with the guys I shouldn’t be too long” I smiled to him as Brian walked out to the terrace.

I followed him outside the air was mild but the sea breeze made it feel colder. We sat on the grass verge that overlooked the beach the lights of the village sparkled down below “This is beautiful” Q spoke soft as he admired the sky He looked so adorable like a starstruck child it felt so nice to watch him again

“I’m so sorry about our fight Q if I had of known what was coming up…”

“Hey shhh you don’t have to apologise, nobody could of known what was just around the corner and I blame myself you were right I didn’t ask you what you wanted I just assumed you would want to settle down with me and make a life of it y’know.”

I shifted a little closer to him “It’s not that I didn’t want you there was just so much going on as you can see behind all the guards, I’m pretty fucked up”

Q gave a laugh “We’re all pretty fucked up but yeah all this” he spun his hand around pointing at the area and the house “This is pretty crazy, Murr told us most of the story in the car I’m sorry you felt like you had to hide on us about your mom”

I gave a shrug as I picked at the flakes of red polish on my nails “I was hiding on myself more than anything Q, Maggie was a character I invented to run away from everything here she was streetwise and had no emotional ties with anyone.. well until you came along” Q blushed at the words it was all coming out in the open now like word vomit “I was lying to myself but I don’t want to hide from you guys anymore there isn’t much left to see any way you know my real name and my backstory, where I’ve come from and what I’ve been through its all me now.”

“Well then maybe you’ll want to explain this” Brian reached into his pocket Pulling out a crumpled letter the job letter to be exact my eyes widened as he held it on front of me

“Where did you get that?!”

“I went by the apartment to bring you some more clothes and I found it in a drawer by your bed, why did you tell me Maggs?, this is an amazing opportunity! I’d be mad at you if you didn’t go for it”

“It does mean moving though away from the guys and away from you what if I never see you”

Q gave laugh before throwing his arm around me “Maggie look around you I travelled a hell of a long way just to be with you here, don’t think that doesn’t mean I’ll not be flying or driving across country every few weeks to see you” I smiled at his words I was so relived he had taken it so well Mama was definitely looking over me I rested my head on his shoulder “what about us?”

“Well Miss Thorne I believe you are a girl worth waiting for obviously we won’t be able to maintain a relationship and maybe we will end up seeing other people but hopefully lady fate will smile on us someday and reunite us.”

I lifted my head and looked at this beautiful man sat beside me and wondered how someone as horrible as I could get such a kind loving friend. He caught me staring at him “What?” he asked touching his face self-consciously

I smiled and leaned in kissing him gently on the lips before pulling away and turning red “Was that weird?” I asked not being able to look him in the eye Q thought about it for a second before nodding “yeah” he said bringing his face close and placing his lips on mine, the butterflies were flying high in my stomach as his tongue slid along my lips he pulled away and just gazed at me for a minute tucking a stray hair behind my ear he kissed my forehead gently before the smile disappeared from his face as he looked at the letter again.

“You haven’t told Sal yet have you?”

I looked down and shook my head

“Yeah that’s going to be rough.” He nodded raising his eyebrows

“Do you think he’ll take it bad?”

“Honestly yeah I do he’s really grown attached to you, do you remember the first time you met him he could barely talk to you never mind look you in the eye think about how much you changed him he’ll be devastated dude.”

I gave a sigh he was right Sal would probably take it bad “I will tell him eventually I’m going to let him enjoy his vacation first.” 

Brian squeezed me in close “I know you’ll do the right thing, wanna go inside its crazy cold out here” he got to his feet and pulled me up I wrapped my arms around his waist and smiled up at him he leaned in to kiss me but we were interrupted by a loud yell

“HEY MAN HANDS OFF!”

We separated immediately and seen Apollo storming towards us across the driveway

“Oh crap” I thought putting my head in my hands clearly nobody had told Apollo about Q and Joes arrival, he squared up to Brian though Brian was slightly taller “Who the fuck is this guy?” Q shouted ready to take a swing for my brother

“Brian stop!” I pushed him back before he could do damage Apollo would never hurt anybody “Brian this is my brother Apollo, Apollo this is Brian Quinn”

My Brothers mouth dropped open as we stepped into the light of the terrace “Brian Quinn is at my house” he muttered under his breath “Brian Quinn was kissing my sister?” he spoke a little more loudly he looked at Q and Q at him they both broke into a hard laughter “I’m so sorry dude” Apollo explained “Gotta play the big brother and be protective of the lil bird yenno.”

Q threw his arm around me “Its fine I understand just know I would give this little lady the world on a plate if she asked for it” I blushed at the adorable New Yorker and he gave a cheeky wink back.

“Where’s Fallon?” I asked looking around for my sister

“She’ll be up in a minute she’s saying goodbye to her beloved” Apollo pointed to the car parked at the end of the drive I could see an outline of Fallon and Eamon smooching up a storm.

“Eww” I shuddered “he seems good to her though”

“Aye he’s a good guy he’ll look after her, oh snap here she comes” we all shuffled into the kitchen Where Murr was huffing after losing his watch to Liam, Joe was in hysterics but Sal was nowhere to be seen I pointed to the empty seat for Joe to explain he just shrugged “ya just missed him honey, he went to bed something about a headache”

“Seriously dude you’re totally cheating” Murr squealed

“Nahh sir it’s the Irish luck” Liam cackled rubbing his hands together the Front door opened and Fallon came in she just stared at the kitchen off strangers and put her hands on her hips “okay guys time for bed!”

The whole room gave a moan of protest

“Aw come on Fal, one more game.” Liam called shuffling his cards

“Liam you don’t even live here, go home!” she picked him off the chair by his neck and shooed him out the front door “Okay Joseph isn’t it you’ll be rooming with James is that okay” Joe nodded “Apollo you’ll probably be staying in your van tonight APOLLO! Get out of the biscuit cupboard its way to late” Apollo spun around looking like a guilty puppy as the crumbs fell from his mouth he made his way towards the door “Night Sisters, Night Jokers”

Fallon rolled her eyes “and Brian you’ll be staying with Sal?”

“Actually if it’s cool with Maggie I can share with her it saves me waking up Sal” he shrugged trying to play it cool

Fallon didn’t believe it for a second but she gave it some thought “Fine but keep it P.G guys I’m in the next room” she chased all of us upstairs to bed I wished goodnight to Murr and Joe while waiting for Brian to come out of the bathroom, only having two in the whole house was such a pain. 

I opened the door to Sals bedroom and checked on him “Sal!” I hissed “you asleep?” Sal didn’t reply I could tell he was awake though he wasn’t snoring. I set his jacket on the edge of his bed and closed the door quietly.

Wandering back into my room I stood in the doorway smiling at the currently topless man that lay on my bed looking at a picture of a younger me and Apollo that sat on my bed side table He caught me staring at him and pulled the blanket up around himself “Nooo” I pouted “Don’t cover up” Quinn blushed as I kissed his neck “I’m so out of shape.”

“shut your face you’re gorgeous Q, I love your body” he smiled at me as I pulled my blouse up over my head “I don’t see why, I hate it” he pouted as he poked himself

“well you love mine don’t you?” I asked sliding in beside him resting my head on my hand

“hells yes” he laughed pulling me close

“well you’re not allowed to love me until you love yourself” I stuck my tongue out at him

“That’s not fair Maggie!” he whined sliding his hand up my pyjama top and resting it on my hip

“It’s completely fair, repeat after me I am gorgeous!” 

“Yes you are” he groaned pulling me closer and nuzzling his face into my neck

“That doesn’t count” I squealed as he tickled my neck trying to push him away

“Does so” he shouted back.

A loud bang came from the wall in Fallons room “I warned you guys go to bed!”

Brian took cover under the blankets pulling them over us we lay trying to hold in our laughter “Are you hiding from my sister” I giggled

“So are you” Brian laughed back. I gave a huge yawn resting my head on the pillow Brian ran his finger under my chin “Who’s a sleepy bird?” he teased

“I’m a sleepy bird” I pouted rolling over to face the window Brian switched off the lamp and slid his arm around waist pulling my back against his chest he kissed me softly on the back of my neck.

“Goodnight Sparrow”

“Night Brian”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now lovelies, might get a chance to update tomorrow if i finish chapter 25 tonight, hope you're still enjoying it and please give me feedback do you like the story, do you love any specific characters etc thank you :)


	23. Breakfast and family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a short little chapter Involving Maggie, Sal, breakfast and an argument over potatoes.

I woke early the next morning Q was laying on his stomach his messy hair covering his face I lay for a minute studying his face the light strings of grey through his hair and beard fuck he was gorgeous. I tucked my mini Benjamin cat under his arm kissed him on the cheek and gently climbed over him pulling on my pyjama shorts and hoodie and padded barefoot into the hall I could hear the shower running in the bathroom and Sal humming to himself. Joe and Murr were both still snoring away in the double room and Fallon was away for her Morning run with the dogs.

I switched on the kettle for coffee and poured myself some orange juice the light was streaming through the window there was morning dew settling I could barely see the beach below. The stone was cold on my feet as I walked out on the terrace to take in the new day’s air I felt somehow different today for the first time I felt actually happy being back home. I only wished the circumstances had been better. 

I took another deep breath of air and headed back into the kitchen where a sleepy Sal bumped about making himself a coffee “Morning Sunshine” I sang as I set my glass in the sink. Sal blinked at me with heavy eyes “Morning sweetie” he managed a smile

“You didn’t sleep well? I asked rubbing his back

“Not great.” he mumbled

“Drink your coffee and I’ll make you some breakfast”

Within the hour the house was alive with the sound of sizzling breakfast. Sal had eventually woken up a little and helped me cook I placed the last of the crispy thick bacon onto a tray to warm in the oven “Nearly finished” I smiled to him “just hand me the potato bread from the cupboard” Sal looked at me as if I had just asked him to go find me a unicorn.

“Potato bread?”

“Yeah potato bread?”

“Actual bread made from potatoes?”

“Yeah, it’s a thing.”

“You Irish really live up to your stereotypes don’t ya”

I smacked him over the back of the head with my spatula “just get the damn bread”

“Ow that hurt” he grumbled rummaging through the cupboards “oh look it does exist”

The table had been filled with food, plates stacked high with sausages, bacon, eggs, fried pancakes, potato bread ,mushrooms, soda bread and a huge pot of tea Sal and I stood back to admire out efforts “This Salvatore is how we Breakfast!” the smell of the food must have drifted the whole way through the house because no sooner had we plated up than the rest of the New Yorkers came curiously downstairs for a nosy “oh look goldilocks here come the three bears” Sal nudged me as Joe, Murr and Q all entered the room

“Morning guys” I smiled to them Q wrapped his arms around my waist as I carried a huge bowl of beans to the table “Careful this is hot!” I warned him as he kissed my cheek

“So the Story of Q and Maggie continues?” Murr asked I looked at Q I couldn’t answer honestly without spilling about the Job and I couldn’t do that with Sal in the room “Mind your own Murr.” Q told, sitting down at the table.

 “Damn Irish are ya feeding the five thousand or something?” Joe laughed taking a seat.

“Always gotta be prepared Joey you really don’t know who’s gonna show up for breakfast.” and I was right in 10 minutes myself along with my Four best friends plus Fallon who had come back from her walk bringing Eamon with her who in turn called Liam to tell him breakfast was on and Apollo who had finally gotten out of his van were all sat around the kitchen table happily munching away.

I smiled as I sipped my tea looking around at my family this group of 8 people half of which couldn’t be more different than the other 4 but had ended up in my life anyway.  Fallon was slapping Eamons hand away from trying to steal her last piece of Bacon, Q and Apollo where chatting about the Secret Stash and the podcasts while Liam was engaged in a conversation with Joe and Murr. Joes hands waved wildly as he told his story he expressed everything with such animation “I’m tellin ya man the girl just kissed him and Murr couldn’t believe it this woman in the park was totally pillow talking with him”

Sal noticed me smiling and leaned over to me “you look really happy”

 I put down my cup and squeezed his hand “I feel It too Sal, I wish it could be like this all the time.”

He nodded “We do have to go back sometime though”

The feeling of guilt crawled back into my stomach “yeah I know buddy”

“Well” I announced to the table “Since me and Sal done a pretty amazing job on breakfast we will leave it between the rest of you to fight over who’s cleaning up the mess” Q, Joe Murr and Apollo all looked around the table before yelling “NOT IT!” which left my sister and the McAllister brothers to do the dishes I couldn’t help but laugh and the looks of victory and defeat etched on different faces around the table.

Even if it couldn’t last forever I was glad I had these 8 people with me today for the memorial, heaven knows I would need to all of them for support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just planning my final third of chapters last night for anyone wishing a happy ending it might not happen. I'm a bit of a George R.R Martin when it comes to characters but i don't know like I said its only a planning stage I could hate the final outcome and rewrite a completely different ending who knows.


	24. A new dress and an accident.

After breakfast I climbed the stairs to get a shower while all the guys where changing. Fallon requested black trousers and a loosely buttoned shirt but no tie. We agreed much to the relief of Apollo on nothing too formal.

I wrapped my hair in a towel and walked back to my room. Outside of the window I watched the guys all sitting and laughing together Joe and Murr were pointing to the family of dolphins in the distance leaping out of the water gracefully. Sal sat with Apollo as my brother pointed to each of his tattoos explaining the meaning behind each one and Q had discovered the two giant fluffy beasts that had him pinned to the ground having his face licked.

“They seem like nice guys” Fallon smiled as she entered my room She was dressed in a beautiful long lilac skirt and white blouse with a fresh sprig of lavender clipped into the brim of her white sunhat her Lennon glasses resting on her nose.  She had a ring on every finger and her birthstone crystal around her neck, every inch the flower child Mama was. She stood with me at the window “I can see why you love New York so much.”

“Yeah it’s pretty great, you should come visit sometime”

“Oh Sparrow you know I’d never fit in there, It’s too big for me”

“I thought that at first after a while it starts to seem smaller though”

“I’ll miss you when you go away” her voice was quieter as she gazed out the window watching Apollo lay on the grass watching the clouds float by. “We both will”

“I’ll visit more Fallon I promise” I squeezed her shoulder reassuring her “what are you gonna do without mom around?”

“I guess I’ll move back with Eamon again we’ve been talking about starting a family” she smiled as she thought of her fiancé “Apollo mentioned going travelling for a while in his van”

“What about the house?”

“Well I was hopping Apollo would want it but he made it clear he has no interest in it so maybe we’ll just sell it along with the Gallery.” She affectionately placed her hand on the wall she had so many memories here it was the only home she’d ever known it would kill her to sell it but my sister finally had time to live her life I was so happy for her.

We lay on the bed like we used to do as kids chatting about the future I confessed to her about the Job and the issue of telling Sal “I’m sure he’ll be fine with it, If Brian can accept it and let you go I’m sure he can.”

“Thanks Fal” I said hugging my sister tight before shooing her out of the room we’d spent the best part of an hour chatting and I needed to get ready.

I stared at my suitcase not knowing what to wear. All the black and grey just wasn’t appealing right now it’s definitely not what Mammy would have wanted me to wear. I opened my wardrobe that still had most of my old clothes they all looked so tiny I had put on so much weight when I moved due to the lack of swimming.

 I made my way to Mammy’s old room Fallon was lying on her bed holding a pillow it looked like she had been crying. She wiped her eyes and placed her sunglasses back on.

I opened Mammy’s wardrobe and flicked through the rainbow of coloured cloth that filled every inch of the cupboard. They all smelled of incense and sand. I took a few dresses out throwing them over my arm “Can I have these?” I turned to Fallon she nodded and gave a sniff as she wiped her nose. We always used to joke that she looked like Rudolph when she cried because the tip of her nose turned red.

I took the dresses back to my room trying each one on before settling on a beautiful ankle length dress it was so simple no major details except mixes of blue and sea green the sleeves were wide and came to my lower arm, the dress flowed and danced when I walked. I closed my eyes and took a breath it felt so comfortable so.. Right!

I attached every bracelet I could find on my dressing table my wrists jangled and glittered as I brushed my hair I reached for the hair pins to tie it up but stopped. I think I feel like leaving it down today I thought as I placed a flower crown of white silk rose buds on my head.

I padded barefoot downstairs the silver anklet jumped around my foot. The guys were still all outside sitting around Liam and Eamon had eventually joined them after cleaning up since they all had their backs to me apart from Liam he seen me first he was in the midst of a conversation with Sal when he looked up “Aye sir, she’s a pretty funny wee thing and….Beautiful” I made eye contact with the younger McAllister brother as he stared at my drastically changed look.

“There’s the bohemian beauty queen we used to know!” Eamon cheered getting to his feet taking me by the hand and spinning me around

“Sparrow Thorne had definitely made her comeback!” Apollo announced

“Oh shush guys, it’s only a new dress” I rolled my eyes at the comments

“It’s a new everything!” Murr exclaimed “I didn’t even realise your hair was that long”

 I smiled twirling a piece of my waist length hair around my finger “you really do look great Sparrow” Eamon smiled “not as great as my stunning wee songbird though” he laughed showering Fallon in kisses as she walked outside my sister blushed as her fiancé wrapped his arm around her.

We started the journey down the grassy hill towards the beach the wind was blowing in my hair as the grass kissed my feet I just ran until I reached the bottom and I felt the cold soft sand between my toes “Slow down Irish!” Joe panted behind me “Some of us aren’t as young we look”

“Speak for yourself Joey.” Murr shouted back at him “I think I look pretty good for my age.”

Willows special place was at the far side of the beach we all walked together across the sand I danced in and out of the freezing cold water as the tiny waves broke around my ankles.

“Tomorrow should be good boating weather” Apollo commented as he kicked the washed up seaweed back into the water

“What makes you think so?” Q asked.

 Apollo gave him a wink “the master of nature knows all”

“We should all go first thing in the morning” I pleaded excitedly “we’ll rent some wetsuits and kayaks from Bronachs shop and take the guys”

Apollo agreed it sounded like a great idea, Fallon explained that she and Eamon had a few messages to run but she’d join us for a BBQ at the house later tomorrow night.

“I’m all for it” Brian confirmed

“And me” Joe called from up ahead where he walked with Murr

“I can think of so many reasons why it’s a bad idea but I’ll try it too why the hell not” Murr laughed

“What about you Sal?” it was only then I noticed how far behind he was trailing I released Qs hand and drifted back a little

“What’s up buddy?” I asked

Sal shrugged “nuthin”

“You can’t lie to me Sal what is it?” I reached out for his arm but he pulled away “Something’s different about you.” He mumbled

“Well yeah” I laughed at this ridiculous comment “It’s a new look or rather an old one”

“I heard you telling Q about the job that’s what’s fucking different!.” he raised his voice before walking on leaving me standing alone I stormed past Sal and took my place beside Q I was speechless and upset but guilty but also angry that he couldn’t talk to me about it he was my best friend I would of thought he understood.

We arrived at Willows cove after walking the length of the beach and climbing up the dirt and sand track worn away in the grass over the years by the frequent visitors who came to see just how beautiful the view was. 

We all stood right on the edge of the cliff watching the water splash against the rocks below Sal stood as far as possible away from me between Joe and Murr. Fallon clutched the glass jar of ashes close to her chest part of me was worried she wouldn’t give it up, she cleared her throat “I won’t say too much cause I don’t want to make a scene but Willow was the type of person that loved every living breathing thing on earth nothing was of a higher class to anything else above her demons she was a bold and beautiful spirit and now we hand over her ashes to the only other great love apart from family, the sea” I watched as the waves washed away the remains I knew she was free.

“I think it’s only right in memory of Willow that we jump” Apollo declared

“Down there are you all freaking insane!” Murr shouted “we’re all fully clothed”

“Clam down city boy it’s just a wee bit of water” Liam laughed slapping Murr on the back

“Right who’s going first?” I asked I had barely a chance to finish my question with Joe announcing “Sals it!” and was pushing Sal straight into the icy water below.

 “Not cool man!” Apollo shouted “A jumper must jump of their freewill”

“Uh Guys shouldn’t he of resurfaced by now?” Q asked staring down the cliff looking very alarmed. We all peaked our heads over the edge the water was still, the sound of the crashing waves sang and eerie silence through our ears.


	25. Desperado: a message from mammy.

“SAL?!” I screamed, still nothing before I knew it I was diving in after him I hit the water with a slap it went straight up my nose, I tried to feel around as the salt water stung my eyes. I felt something by my leg, reaching down down it was definitely skin. I pulled on Sals arm swimming up towards the surface I could hear everyone screaming from the cliff top as I took a huge breath and pulled Sals head above the water he started to cough as I dragged him up onto a flat rock he threw up a lot of sea water before passing out.

Apollo and Eamon immediately started scaling down the rocks followed by Liam “Fallon you take the guys back down the track and meet us on the beach” Eamon shouted to her.

Sal was breathing but unconscious the guys and I lifted him by his arms and legs and slowly carried him over the rocks and through the shallow water onto the beach “Fuck he’s a heavy fella” Liam sighed to which everyone nodded.

We got onto the beach where the guys stood looking terrified Joe and Murr took over the carrying from me as I ran over to Q I was soaking wet but he held me close “Is he going to be okay?” Q panicked he looked like he would start crying any minute “We need to get him home, I think it was the cold that shocked him.”

After a long tense walk we got Sal into the house “Take him upstairs” I ordered “Q keep an eye on him until I get dried off, I’ll come up now and undress him Fallon can you get me a hot water bottle, Apollo can you see if the old fireplace will still light in Sals room and Liam will you drive the guys into town and get something for dinner I think some food would calm us down greatly.”

I rushed to my room tearing off the soaking wet dress that clung to me I threw on some shorts and my comfort hoodie, not bothering to dry my hair I needed to get back into Sal and get him warmed up before any pneumonia began to kick in.

Sal was lying across the bed when I walked in Q was sitting on the arm chair by the bed chewing the skin on top of his thumb he looked so scared watching his friend so vulnerable “Shouldn’t we take him to a hospital or something Maggie?” his voice was quiet and full of worry.

 I started to get Sal undressed a dark black bruise was starting to form on his ribs from the speed he had hit the water, thank goodness he wasn’t conscious or this would have been a whole lot more awkward than it already was. I shook my head to answer Brains question “If we did get Dr Pierce out here after hours he couldn’t do much good if he tried except charge us a fortune, the best thing is to keep Sal warm and just keep an eye on him.

Brian stood up pulling me close like I was the only thing he could hold on to “He owes you his life”

“Maybe he’ll thank me if he ever speaks to me again” I sighed putting my head in my hands it was Q’s turn to comfort me “He was just upset you didn’t tell him yourself, he hates not knowing things I swear he has to know everything!” I buried my head into Qs chest feeling safe and warm then his stomach rumbled and we fell apart laughing “you go get some food, I’m going to stay with him” I smiled shooing him out the door.

I was left alone to my thoughts. Sal gave a heavy breath as he slept I stroked his face his cheeks were starting to get some colour in them, I would miss him so much I hoped he would understand why I needed to take the job I’m sure he would with some talking to, it was Sal he could read me like a book back to front how I was feeling without even saying a word how I played with my hair when a cute guy was around, the songs that made me cry and the ones that made me dance. He was my best friend and letting him go would be so difficult.

 Letting them all go would be, Sure we would see each other often but not every day like I was used to I’d miss Joe for his Jokes he could turn around any awkward silence just by opening his mouth, James so sweet but so easily riled, our late night movies and his disastrous attempts to cook that had set off the fire alarm more than once. I sat laughing to myself.

 Letting Brian go would be harder, being the way we were now so close being able to cuddle and flirt without it being awkward was so great but I couldn’t help thinking of what he had said the night before about seeing other people did he really think I would be seeing someone else when all I could think of was him and what if he found somebody, how would that play out when we visited each other how weird would it be then? My mind was wracked full of questions love or hide away my feelings, stay in New York or leave it behind? I had always told myself if I couldn’t love I couldn’t get hurt then these four big dummies fell into my life and I couldn’t help wondering if it was a mistake to go who did I even know in Arizona I would be starting all over again new home new job new friends.

My curiosity was also taking over, the opportunity was amazing traveling all over, just me and my camera people seeing my pictures and getting some recognition for what little talent I did possess. Brian himself had said it he would be angry if I didn’t go and I’d probably spend the rest of my life angry at myself. I thought of Arizona from what little I did know about it it was in the desert, cacti and sandstorms, no green fields to run through were the grass kissed my feet and foggy mornings when the world was still asleep.  On thinking that New York was barren of that too.

I opened the cupboard hoping to find a book I could sit and read for a while to clear my head when I stubbed my toe on a huge brown leather box type thing “fucking fuck” I cursed under my breath kicking it harder and cursing louder well that was dumb! I dragged the box out onto the floor sitting down beside it. Taking off the lid it was full of records and an old portable record player. I wondered why these weren’t down with the full collection of records mammy had sitting in the sitting room by the bookcase and I realised they were all sad songs ones mama used to cry to when she missed Daddy.

 I flicked through them recognizing a few titles here and there when one caught my eye It was an Eagles record old and dusty it looked like it hadn’t seen day light since neon was in style, it wasn’t the dust or the cover that caught my attention it was the title Desperado, the word echoed in the back of my mind I repeated it over and over until it wasn’t my voice anymore it was more of a croak a weak old voice Mammy’s? Could this of been what she was talking about? I took the record player out of the box and blew the dust of the vinyl crossing my fingers that it still worked I placed the needle on the record. A beautiful piano intro accompanied by a husky voice.

_Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses_

_You been out riding fences for so long now_

_Oh you’re a hard one but_

_I know that you got your reasons_

_These things that are pleasing you_

_Can hurt you somehow_

I swear my heart stopped beating as I listened to the words it was mama she wanted me to hear this and know she knew why I left but also that as amazing as New York was I probably didn’t belong there. I felt compelled to listen on as the song continued.

_Desperado, oh you aint getting no younger_

_Your pain and your hunger, they’re driving you home_

_And freedom, oh freedom_

_Well that’s just some people talkin,_

_Your prison is walking through this world all alone._

I was on the brink of tears I had never related to anything more in my life, cutting off all the ties had made me lonely and my thirst for love and family were what was making me so happy being home.

_Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses_

_Come down from your fences open the gate_

_It may be raining, but there’s a rainbow above you_

_You better let somebody love you,_

_Before it’s too late._

I knew she had been listening when I was telling her about Brian. But this wasn’t about him it was about Family about Apollo and Fallon rebuilding everything I had lost with them. I ran away cutting their love from my life I thought I could do okay on my own but coming home had banished all this loneliness I had felt over the last few years I was home with people who had known me since I took my first breath.

Even though she was only seven years older I believed for a time when I was a child that Fallon was my mother. Due to Willows absence Fallon would feed me and clothe me and do my homework with me. Apollo taught me how to walk how to climb how to swim. I needed these guys a lot more than I realised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obviously I don't own the amazing song that is Desperado by the Eagles, its worth checking out though. a full soundtrack to this fic will be published at the end when I'm finished call it an accompaniment if you will of songs i felt related to the fic and i listened to too help me get a feel of writing the chapters.


	26. Choices

A knock came to the door snapping me from my thoughts Fallon tiptoed in carrying a tray of tea and sandwiches “Thought you could use a wee bit of supper.”  she stared at me confused as I sat cross-legged on the floor by the record player crying my heart out she sat down beside me taking a peek at what I was listening to “Mammy loved that one” she spoke softly I nodded and wiped my eyes on my sleeve “she wanted me to hear it Fal”

Fallon smiled “She gave us all messages and little pieces of advice open to our own interpretation of course but I think she didn’t want to leave us thinking we were alone, but that we had each other, and you’ll still have us after you go back” she squeezed my hand tight.

“I’m so divided Fal, on one hand I have Q, the guys and Sam on the other I have Arizona and travel and a job”

Fallon was quiet for a minute her head wrinkled as she concentrated hard looking somewhere for an answer “Go where happiness is, where you can be yourself and use the talents you were given”

I didn’t say anything but I thought that was the most useless answer she could give me Happiness was with my friends talent was in Arizona. I was still no closer to finding a solution.

Fallon stood looking over Sal “It’s a scary thing taking a fall off those rocks I’m glad he’s okay”

“I’ll never forget the time it happened to you, the night of your 18th Mammy was in hysterics because you hadn’t come home she was pacing the house then wandering outside and pacing the garden I just sat at the window listening to her screaming then I noticed Eamon coming across the beach with you in his arms.”

 “I think that was the first time I realised I had feelings for him, I didn’t lose consciousness but I felt trapped I honestly thought I was going to die, then he pulled me from the water and carried me the whole way home” she gave a sigh and smiled I could see her picturing it all in her head like some sort of fairy tale.

“Why do you love him Fal?” I asked between bites of my sandwich

“Because he’s mine I’ve never wanted for anything while I’m with him, he can know how I feel just my looking me in the eyes, he listens to me even if I’m talking rubbish, through the whole time I was caring for mammy he was there by my side he’s a hard worker and a passionate lover.”

“Eww Fallon!” I protested “More than I wanted to know.”

Fallon blushed as she thought of her loved one I sipped on my tea watching how happy she got just describing Eamon “I hope I find someone to make me feel that way someday”

“What about Brian?”

“Qs great don’t get me wrong but we’re so different y’know he’s beautiful yes and makes me feel so special yes but he’s definitely not my forever, I know it and I’m sure he knows it too. For now what we have is good and maybe in years to come we might find something in each other again but I can’t help feeling there’s something bigger out there for me than marrying and settling down in New York.”

Fallon rolled her eyes and smiled “that’s always been your problem Sparrow, you always want more  life is a very short series of moments stop looking for something bigger and look at what you have now, you’ve done so much already you lived in England you lived in America you found your passion in photography you learned to swim and ride horses and sail, you learned what it’s like to fall in love and have it break your heart, if you died tomorrow you might of not thought you had lived much but I think you have done a whole lot some people will never do.”  she stood and kissed me on the forehead and left the room

 I sat on the window seat looking out at the Village sipping my tea she had given me so much to think about. Not in a long while had I actually considered how short life was and what would happen if I died it wasn’t exactly something I wanted to think about but it was definitely there in my mind.

I looked at Sal I wished he would just wake up so I wouldn’t have this weight anymore I could spill it on him and he would listen and tell me what I should do.

Brian came back after a while to check on Sal “How’s Joe?” I asked

 “He’s quiet for the first time” he laughed “it’s probably the guilt he really didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Well luckily he’ll pull through, if I hadn’t of got him in time then maybe…” I shuddered to think of the outcome.

“Are you coming to bed?” Q changed the subject I’m sure it was something he didn’t want to think about either

I shook my head “I’m gonna stay here tonight just in case he wakes up”

Brian gave a pout pulling me into his warm embrace I giggled as he nuzzled his face into my neck “It’s gonna be a cold night without you”

“Oh shush” I giggled hitting him away “you’ll get over it”

He gave a cheeky wink “see you in the morning pretty lady”

“Um Q..?” I called as he was leaving the room

“Yeah?”

“I…what I mean is I…” Goddamnit I was trying to tell him I loved him but the words just weren’t there what was wrong with me I did love him at least I think I did. “I’m gonna beat your ass at kayaking tomorrow” I shrugged

Q gave a laugh and shook his head “well duh”

I sat alone in silence for a while I heard Murr and Joe going to bed and Apollo locking up the house before going out to his van. I curled up in the arm chair it was only just dusk but  it had been such a long day for everyone I could barely keep my eyes open I watched the flames in the fire start to die and slowly drifted to sleep.

“MA?, JENNA?, Q?” I was woken by Sal screaming he was awake and confused. It was fully dark probably the middle of the night I stumbled out of the arm chair and felt my way over to where he lay. “Who’s there?!” he shouted

“Shhh” I hushed him “Its Maggie, Sal you were in an accident earlier do you remember it?”

Sal thought about it “I remember water and darkness.”

“Yes you fell from the rocks, don’t worry you’re perfectly okay just a little shaken probably”

“H..How did I get out?”

“I went in after you and pulled you out then the guys carried you back to the house” Sal didn’t say anything he was making a noise though sniffing and breathing heavily I reached out to stroke his face “Sal are you crying?”

“You didn’t have to save me.”

“What?! Why would you say that of course I had to save you?”

His voice was broken and soft “I snapped at you Maggie I shouldn’t have been so horrible”

“Oh shush move over” I squeezed into the bed beside him pulling him up to rest his head on my chest like a child “I’ve had worse fights with inanimate objects.. Literally I stubbed my toe earlier it hurt like a bitch”

Sal gave a slight laugh and sniffed again “I am sorry though”

I stroked his hair softly “I’m sorry for not telling you”

“Maggie?” he asked quietly

“Yeah?”

“Why are you cradling me like a child?”

“Want me to stop?” I pulled away I knew how iffy Sal could be about cuddling it took him months of knowing me for us to even hug like I wasn’t contagious.

“No” Sal pulled me back resting his head on my shoulder “Please stay, It’s been a while since I cuddled somebody.” We went quiet after this we just lay in silence I could tell he was still awake, he cried a few times but I just held onto him as we lay my best friend and me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of the updates today lovelies, unless I get some quick inspiration over the weekend i wont be updating for at least a week or so I'm having such a hard time trying to write the final third of the chapters not knowing which way to go or how to end it. but i do promise it will be finished and completed to my fullest ability.


	27. Rise and shine

Morning came and I found myself still in Sals room I had my head on his chest curled into a ball and his arm over my shoulder I could tell he was awake by his breathing “Morning sleepy” he smiled as I rubbed my eyes on his t-shirt Sal gave a laugh my head rose and fell with his breathing.

I looked up watching him as he curled my hair around his fingers smiling “Sal?” he looked down at me yawning “Yeah?”

“Is this weird?”

Sal thought about it “yeah it’s totally weird?”

I got up from the bed immediately stretching and shaking off the weirdness “I’m Uhh gonna go wake Brian for the beach.” I smiled pointing towards the door.

Sal tried to move “ah fuck” he was obviously in pain from the fall “Yeah you go do that I’m gonna just lay here and die” he laughed pulling a pillow over his head.

I sneaked into my room where Brian was still fast asleep lying on his back he looked so cute with his mouth open and hair all scuffed. “CANNONBALL” I roared taking a run and jumping onto his stomach Q woke with a scream before laughing when he seen me gazing at him my elbows propped up on his chest. “Morning Q-utie” I giggled starting into his eyes

“You son of a bitch” Q cursed flicking my on the nose. I stretched up kissing him softly he groaned as I ran my hands through his hair sliding his hands around my waist, his lips were soft as I ran my teeth along them lightly teasing him I pulled away smiling as he pouted “No fair” he stretched his hands out beckoning me to return to his grasp

“C’mon lazy the day is dawning and the beach is calling” I yelled running down the hall to Joes room

“What time is it?” Murr groaned from under his blanket as I barged my way into their room and threw open the blinds. “Just after seven thirty” I sang

“Go back to bed Morning, it’s too early” Joe protested to the new day

Within the hour three very sleepy Americans grumbled and yawned their way down to the kitchen. I crept into Fallons room trying not to wake the sleeping dragon that was my older sister finding her wetsuit and swimsuit I sneaked back out before she caught me I was so excited to get back in the water apart from my impromptu swim the night before it had been so long since I’d been in I couldn’t wait to taste the salt water on my lips and feel light as a feather gliding through the water.

As I stood in my room pulling at the legs on my suit I could hear Apollo enter the kitchen “Good mornin Jokers, ready for some water sports?” the guys gave a grumbled response “Alright sweet, well the delightfully beautiful Bronach from the surf shop is going to deliver the kayaks to the beach within the hour meanwhile here are your wetsuits”

“You really don’t expect Gatto to squeeze his gut into this do ya?” Brian laughed

“Hey fuck you man I’m a beach babe!” Joe retorted to his friend I giggled my way into Sals room as they proceeded to argue over the wetsuits

“Hey could you zip this for me?” I motioned to my back Sal gave a yell of pain as he sat up “Are you sure you don’t wanna come with?”

Sal shook his head “There is no way I’m getting back in that water again, it was too much of a close call” he frowned as he replayed the incident in his head “I’m so scared Maggie” he whispered softly

“Hey no tears, it’s over now you’re safe a little bruised but safe, when Fallon had her accident in the water it took her months to get back in again. Just have a rest for a while, then come down and watch later okay” I patted him on the shoulder and got up to fix myself in the mirror I loved how the wetsuit sucked so much in, my body became curvy in places I wanted It too. I actually didn’t feel disgusted looking at myself.

“Damn” Sal muttered under his breath

“A problem Salvatore?” I raised my eyebrow to him. Sal turned red and began to stutter

“I…I..I..You uh you look good” he looked ready to explode with embarrassment

“Sparrow Thorne beach goddess” I giggled striking a pose “Catch you later Sally”

I could hear the grunts of annoyance coming from each of the guys rooms as much as I love the sea wetsuits are a bitch to get on first time. You choreograph your own interpretive dance trying to get into the thing that consists of leaping in the air, pulling and swearing violently.

I made my way downstairs where my brother sat cross-legged on the table already suited up eating coco-pops from the box “APOLLO THORNE” I roared in my best Fallon voice “get your hand out of that cereal box!” Apollo didn’t even flinch “Nice Try buddy, but you haven’t got her ear piercing pitched roar quite yet” he hopped down off the table and motioned me towards the door “got a surprise for you little bird.”

We stepped out into the morning sun I squinted my eyes to see whatever it was he was standing beside. Loki and Bartleby were leaping around my feet more excited than I was to be getting walkies on the beach. My jaw dropped when I seen my old purple kayak a little faded now but still intact “Oh my god is that Ariel?!”

Apollo nodded “the very same, poor thing hasn’t been used in years, thought she deserved a day out”  I threw my arms around my brother it was so sweet he kept it all these years I had racked up so many hours sailing on this thing she meant a lot to me.

Q emerged from the house pulling and tugging at the wet suit “I feel ridiculous”

“Yeah you look it too” Joe jibed coming behind him

“oh shut it Gatto I think he looks great” I teased kissing Q on the cheek he smiled and wrapped his arms tight around me burying his face into my hair “There’s my little mermaid” he spoke sending a shiver down my spine

“Careful honey” I warned “Don’t get too carried away the suit reveals all” I winked before lifting one side of my kayak and setting off down the trail to the beach.

 

Bronach O’Reilly sat on the beach kicking the sand between her toes. Apollos face lit up when he seen her she was a few years above me and below him in secondary school through their mutual love of the beach they became best friends always causing mischief together.

 Bronach was gorgeous a proper surfer girl rarely to be found in anything else but her signature red and black wet suit or a pair of boarding shorts and baggy t-shirt. Numerous piercings and tattoos decorated her body much to the horror of the village. Bronach owned the surf shop in town thanks to a gracious loan from Papa O’Reilly who along with the Brothers McAllister owned most of the property in and around Sheephaven.

Bronach welcomed me with a fist bump “Nice to see you back little Thorne”

“Thanks O’Reilly, hope you’ve been keeping this one out of trouble” I smiled elbowing my older brother in the ribs. Bronach gave a laugh her lip rings moving from side to side “aw I canny promise that now” she ran her fingers through her red curly hair smiling at my brother “Are you going to his gig on Saturday night?”

I looked up to my brother “Apollo?! You didn’t tell me?!” My brother gave a shrug he was far too laidback for this own good nothing phased him “I only found out this morning Bronach’s Da has agreed to give me a shot at a regular appearance in their pub”  

I was so proud of my brother music had always been a passion of his since he could talk, he was finally letting other people apart from his family and friends hear it.

“So these are the guys you were telling me about?” Bronach motioned towards the three jokers standing staring panicked at the water her freckled nose wrinkled as she sized them up giving a shrug “I’ve seen worse candidates for kayaking, Now guys the two best pieces of advice are keep your balance and don’t panic, if you fall in just swim if you’re in difficulty the dogs will recognize it and come to your rescue” she affectionately patted Loki’s head as she instructed.

“Holy shit its fucking freezing” Q cried as he put a foot in the water while Murr was just leaping about the place like a beached fish and screaming. Joe stood beside me bent over laughing at his troubled friends “Lemmie show you how this things done Irish” he winked taking a sprinting start towards the water Joe screamed and swore as he plunged his whole head underwater I couldn’t help but laugh at these three guys so out of their comfort zone.

After a lot more swearing at failed attempts at trying to stay balanced in the kayaks the guys where coming along quite well. I sat on my trusty purple kayak kicking my feet in the water watching the them play gladiators with their paddles, three middle aged men who had barely matured a day since their twenties it was kind of hard to believe Joe would be a dad soon he was flying home in a few days to be with Bessy through her final trimester and I just knew that would bring about the conversation of when we all would be going back. The guys had filming to complete and the producers were ringing nearly every day to scold about them not being back yet usually one of the guys would just hang up on them but I knew it was time for the fun to end soon and get back into the rat race.

It was so difficult being here to think any sort of rat race existed, days just came and went people lived and died and were mourned like the waves brought in a new tide then washed it away again.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please somebody give me a damn review, i need to know someones opinion of this rather than my own just a little comment or a few words all criticism accepted.


	28. Sals Secret

After a while of goofing around we paddled our way over to a secluded area of the bay. The tide was out so the rocks were perfect for sitting on it was a reasonably sunny day the seagulls soared above our heads as I plunged out of the kayak, my hair moved through the water like a waving flag as I lay on my back kicking through the water.

 Two arms reached for me pulling me out of the water I opened my eyes to see Brains cheeky grin smiling at me “Don’t worry m’lady I’ll save you” he yelled carrying me through the water and placing me on a flat rock “Q, what the hell” I giggled trying to struggle from his grasp “Don’t speak” he placed a finger on my lips “Yep she needs mouth to mouth!” Q laughed before leaving over to kiss me his hands tangled in my wet hair as I allowed his tongue access to my mouth. It was a little restrictive kissing in a wetsuit but I was on a beach with the most gorgeous man I’d ever laid eyes on and it was perfect.

“Aw come on guys keep it clean” Apollo whined climbing down off the rocks where he had taken Murr and Joe to see the view from the hill top

“Brother Alert” I rolled my eyes at Brian as I sat up on the rocks, the guys beside me relaxing in the afternoon sun. Murr sat propped up on his elbows watching the clouds float by “You hear that fellas?”

“Hear what?” Joe asked

“Exactly nothing no traffic, no yelling just peace and quiet” Murr sighed happy at the tranquil state.

Q gave a snort “shut up Murr” he flicked water at his friend receiving a middle finger from James.

“I think he’s right” I sat up addressing the guys “look how different this place is from where you all grew up the tallest thing here is the trees not buildings everything’s green and you could walk on the road at night without having to fear for your life.”

“Yeah it’s cool I guess but I couldn’t live here I’d miss the city too much” Q shrugged

“I could live here again” I mumbled I didn’t think the guys heard me but I noticed their silence was just shock I looked around at the four stunned faces staring at me open mouthed.

“Do you mean it Sparrow? Apollos voice was a soft whisper as he looked at me his eyes were wide and full of delight.

 I gave a shrug “I..I’ve been thinking about it, y’know” my face was burning red I was the centre of attention as these guys hung on to every word and I had to choose them carefully “Fallon wants to sell the house and the Gallery well she doesn’t want too but she doesn’t need them and I was thinking If I took them she wouldn’t have to.”

“Maggie…” James squeaked he didn’t say anything else I don’t think any of them quite knew what to say it had been such a good day before I dropped this huge bombshell on them.

“Well damn Irish” Joe was sitting gobsmacked “I’m happy for ya sure but.. damn”

I gave a sigh this was far too difficult, I ran my fingers through my hair part of me wished I hadn’t opened my mouth “I know it’s a big step guys but my family’s here and I can finally let people see my photos its half way between what Arizona was offering and what New York already had”

“Except it’s not half way is it Maggie?” Q mumbled he had let go of my hand and was just looking at me completely expressionless I could read it all in his eyes though “It’s the whole way over here, away from all of us”

The guys gave a nod none of them would make eye contact with me apart from Apollo who couldn’t hold his excitement “Do you really mean it though Sparrow? Would you come back to us?”

I shook my hand through my wet curls “Look guys I haven’t made a decision but it is an option, I’ve been away from home too long , I thought I was done with Ireland completely but coming back and seeing how different it is now I’m older I do believe I could settle here and make a living selling my photographs I had a lot to think about last night when I was sitting with Sal so many huge ideas the house is far too big for me of course but it could become a guest house y’know like a mini hotel this place is swarming come tourist season and it would be a great way of keeping my mother’s memory alive without having to let the house go.”

Q had both hands over his mouth running his hands through his beard a pained expression in his eyes “This is gonna kill Sal” he mumbled

“Here we go again” Murr raised his eyebrows

“Again?” I asked looking at the guys

“Libby Nixon” Joe sighed

“Who the fuck is Libby Nixon?” I was more confused than ever the guys sat obviously upset at whomever this newly named Libby was

“Oh wow I remember reading about that in an interview of you guys, when you took that hiatus a few years back right?” Apollo snapped his fingers

“Can someone please give me a little insight into what the hell is going on here?” 

“Q you tell her?” Murr shook his head

Q cleared his throat “Libby Nixon was Sals fiancée”

“Fiancée?” my mouth dropped open not once in my year of knowing Sal had he never mentioned a fiancée

“Yeah” Q continued “Libby was a great girl little rock chick and I mean little she was so short but bouncy and fun Little legs Libby we called her” Q smiled as he remembered her “Sal was crazy about her, we’d never seen him like this over a girl before”

 

“Believe it or not Sal used to be as promiscuous as Q” Murr interrupted

 

“Hey what’s that supposed to mean!” Q roared

 

“Guys stop just tell the story!” I warned I couldn’t believe this side to Sal was only coming out now I felt slightly betrayed he hadn’t told me then caught on a little when I remembered just how much I had lied to him.

 

“Okay well like I said Sal was head over heels with the girl engaged and everything he was so happy they both were.” Q stopped talking he rubbed the back of his neck considering his next words.

 

“What happened Q?” I reached out to squeeze his hand

 

“It was just after we filmed the first season, we all headed out to celebrate but Libby said she had work the next day and left early she wouldn’t let any of us take her home she told us to stay and enjoy ourselves so we did….” Q watched the water flowing by I looked around at Joe and Murr for an answer but nobody would look at me.

 

Apollo came down off his rock and sat by me a rarely seen serious look came over his face “Libby was killed by a speeding driver on her way home”

I raised my hands to my mouth in shock. My heart ached as I thought of what Sal had gone through and never told me. It all began to make sense now why he never let me walk home at night, and why Brian had come to take me home that night I had been out.

 “So…” the words were dry in my mouth “so where do I come into this?” I couldn’t understand what Sals fiancée had to do with me leaving.

 

“Sal sunk into a deep depression after that” Joe spoke it was the most humourless I had ever seen him  “He became convinced everyone was going to leave him and if he cut off ties he couldn’t get hurt, he didn’t show up for writing sessions, he didn’t laugh or joke anymore it got to the point where he wouldn’t even leave the house, Jenna came to us and begged us to help and of course we did we couldn’t see our friend dragged down”

 

“It was so horrible” Murr wiped at his eyes “we were so close to losing him he came back slowly bit by bit but was still weary of a lot of people, then you started hanging around he came out of his shell a little more he started to care again you can obviously see the attachment he has to you Maggie, he became Sal again still a little quiet but it was so good to have him back”

 

“And now.. well I don’t know what will happen now” Q scratched at his beard Joe and Murr nodded in return a solemn look on all their faces I reached out for Loki who lay at my feet scratching him behind the ear the big bear dog panted happily.  I took a breath “I’ll talk to him, I’ll make him understand”

 

Q looked doubtful “He won’t understand Maggie he’ll panic, I can’t afford to almost lose my best friend twice in a lifetime.”

 

“I’ll talk to him” I repeated

 

 We paddled our way back to the beach as we got closer I could see a faint dot sitting on the beach I knew immediately it was Sal. How was I supposed to look at him the same after all this new information had come out? How would I act around him it was like seeing a whole different person?

 

He came nowhere near the water as we pulled the kayaks up and lined them up the dogs ran between around our legs kicking sand around them. When we were a safe distance away from the water Sal came wandering down to meet us “I was getting worried guys you were away for hours!”

 

“Should of came with us then shouldn’t ya” Joe gave him a wet pat on the cheek Sal laughed and pushed him away. He made eye contact with me coming over to where I stood having my wetsuit unzipped by Q “Have a nice swim Maggie?” he smiled

 

“Yeah I Uhh” I had no idea what to even say I never was good at playing it cool. A sharp poke in the back from Q set me straight I had to persevere and stay strong “yeah it was great Sal” I nodded as I tied the arms of the suit around my waist. “How are you feeling?”

 

He raised an eyebrow at me if he suspected anything was up he didn’t say “Still a little sore I think I’ll live, Your sisters back, food should be ready soon”

 

“Hallelujah I’m starving!” Joe praised starting to walk in the direction of the house

 

“What else is new” Murr raised his arms and followed his friend.

 

“Sparrow you go on home and round up the suits I’ll stop by Bronach’s and get her to lift this lot” Apollo waved me off as I started up the track home a thousand thoughts and questions racing through my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two short chapters today was all I had time to upload as i said last time the updates wont be as often now as i start to finish off the story. I'm so unsure of what direction I'm taking this in and i really do want to make it as good as possible for all you dedicated readers who have stuck by me over the last few weeks.


	29. Alone

The sun was setting quickly over the bay. My family sat around the glowing fire pit as it crackled sending fluttering ashes into the sky. We had arrived to an overflowing banquet of food courtesy of my sister and Eamon. The fresh lobster caught that morning and bought in the fishing village a few towns away was just to die for. We sat on chairs and lay around the grass resting off the food babies in our stomachs , the night air was mild and the beers were cold it was a good night.

I looked at Brian as he sat by Liam sipping his beer it was kind of scary how alike they did look Liam had a short stubble that lined his jaw Blue eyes, and was obviously younger but he had the same cheeky grin and ruffled hair as Q the resemblance was uncanny. It was funny because when we were kids I would have Liam tortured to play princess and prince or mermaid and rescuer on the beach he always grumbled but played anyway reluctant to admit he loved it just as much as I did.

 Liam was also my first kiss at the ripe young age of 13 Liam was 15 during a summer barbecue just like this one we were exploring the supposedly haunted stables around the back of the house

“Sparrow I don’t like this” he hissed as he tiptoed through the dusty dark room being the bold adventure crazed psycho child  I was I was already miles ahead climbing up the rickety steps to the balcony above “Oh would ye give over Liam, It’s an adventure!”  I shouted to him.

We lay on the huge heap of hay sharing a bag of marshmallows and a bottle of coke we had sneaked from the kitchen while Willow was making the potato salad “I know something you don’t” he smugly smiled popping 4 marshmallows into his mouth and showing me a fluffy pink smile

“What is it?” I sat up snatching the bag off him

“Well if I told you then it wouldn’t be a secret” he laughed putting his hands behind his head

“You’re probably bluffing anyway McAllister, you’re so full of shite”

“I am not!” Liam whined pouting at me he leaned closer even though there was nobody around to hear him “I seen your sister, and my Eamon snogging”

“Eww no way!” my mouth dropped Liam nodded “I swear I seen them last week after the fair”

“That’s gross” I gave a disgusted look “Have you ever kissed anyone Liam?” I looked over at my lifelong friend it had never occurred to me we were all growing up relationships and feelings would soon become a thing. I barely had gotten used to the monster mess of blood I had to deal with every month. Liam ran his hands through his hair “Aye, the wee girls in my class are throwin themselves at me, canny keep them away”  

“Are they really?” I gasped in awe of his coolness Liam blushed and shook his head “Nahh it’s not” I dug my elbow into his side laughing “Knew ye were full of shite”

“Have you ever kissed anyone Sparrow?” he asked I wrinkled my nose at this ridiculous question “No way” Liam went quiet “well… would you like to?” he fidgeted with his hands a bead of sweat dripped from his forehead, I thought about it it wouldn’t hurt to try it just once. I gave a shrug as Liam leaned closer to me pouting his lips I did the same our foreheads bumped as our lips touched I closed my eyes it was a strange feeling he tasted sweet though like the marshmallows we just ate. We sat rigid for a small time none of us quite knowing when was the right time to pull away after we did separate we lay back on the hay like nothing had happened.

“I’m never doing that again” I commented wiping my mouth

“We’ll ye will have to sometime, when you kiss your husband” Liam laughed draining the last of the bottle of coke

“Not gonna have one” I shook my head

“Why not?”

I shrugged “Never gonna fall in love”

If I could only of told 13 year old me how wrong she was that just 10 years later she would be sat around the same barbecue at the same house looking across at 25 year old Liam McAllister who was seated next to the gorgeous brown eyed American I was hopelessly in love with.

“You’ll be glad to get back home soon and see your wife then Joe?” Fallon asked as she poked at the ashes of the fire with a stick. Joe nodded eagerly “Aw yeah this has been great but I’ll see my Beautiful Bessy my dogs and my beautiful new Son or daughter quite soon” he smiled as he thought of his soon to be extended family back home. As childish and impractical as Joe Gatto could be I knew he would make an amazing father he was such a nice guy and cared so much about everyone.

“We should all have a few drinks in the pub tomorrow night to see the boys off” Eamon rubbed his hands together followed by a hoot of approval from everyone else.

“Apollo sir, you game?” Liam shouted. My brother was sat separated from the group with his lyric notebook on his lap writing furiously biting his lip and sucking the blood as he concentrated. Apollo must have had a box full of the same type of notebooks dog eared and worn out from his composing over the years he loved nothing more than writing music and poetry.

“I think he’s nervous about the gig” I whispered to the group

“I’m not nervous” Apollo roared not taking his eyes off his writing “I’m just….anxious”

Murr gave a laugh “That’s the same thing isn’t it?” 

“Another beer anyone?” I asked getting to my feet to head inside and open a new case Sal gave a nod holding up his empty bottle “Q, what about you?” I smiled at him but he didn’t even look at me “yeah I guess” he shrugged petting at Bartlebys fur, he had been weird with me all night he didn’t sit beside me didn’t wrap his arms around me or call me his pretty lady.  I was surrounded by family but I couldn’t have felt more alone.

I stood in the kitchen lost in a day dream I was so conflicted, It started with me then there was Brian, there was my home, there was my career, there was family and  but there was freedom. I was torn between so many different paths.

 I wandered into the sitting room a picture of my smiling Mother sat above the fireplace I reached out and stroked the glass frame “Oh mammy, I wish you could tell me what to do” I sighed sitting down at the dusty old piano I’m pretty sure this thing was older than disco pants but it remained a fixed piece of our home. Every Christmas without fail we would gather round singing and laughing I would play and Mama, Fallon and Apollo would sing on Christmas eve Mr McAllister and his boys would come around bringing bags of presents and a basket full of mince pies from the housekeepers at the McAllister home, and every Christmas without fail small little Apollo sized bites would be found in the pastries leaving the filling he didn’t like inside.

I ran my fingers along the keys tapping lightly on them  I hadn’t played in years the only songs I did remember where from my big book of Disney music I got for my 7th birthday I would spend hours forcing everyone to listen to concert after concert of me playing the same songs. I have a laugh clearing my throat. My fingers danced on the white keys the room felt somewhat alive again

_Should I choose the smoothest course?_

_Steady as the beating drum_

_Should I marry kocoum?_

_Is all my dreaming at an end?_

_Or do you still wait for me dreamgiver?_

_Just around the riverbend…_

I giggled and smiled at myself for relating so much to a Pocahontas song, it was ridiculous but true.  I shuffled through the box of sheet music at my feet dog eared and coffee stained over the years settling on a page that looked easy enough.

_All I want is nothing more_

_To hear you knocking at my door_

_Cause if I could see your face once more_

_I could die a happy woman I’m sure_

_When you said your last goodbye_

_I died a little bit inside_

_I lay in tears in bed all night_

_Alone without you by my side_

_But if you loved me_

_Why’d to leave me_

_Take my body_

_Take my body_

_All I want is_

_And all I need is_

_To find somebody_

_I’ll find somebody like you_

_So you brought out the best of me,_

_A part of me I’ve never seen_

_You took my soul and wiped it clean_

_Our love was made for movie screens._

_All I want is_

_And all I need is_

_To find somebody_

_Like you._

 

“What if I don’t want you to find somebody else?” a voice from the doorway caused me to turn around.


	30. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short cute Q and Maggie fluff.

Brian stood leaning against the doorway his eyes full of the same sadness that I seen the night of Joes wedding when he came to my room. His hair was ruffed and his cheeks red from the cool coastal night air.

 

“How long have you been there?” my own cheeks starting to turn red at the thought of him listening to me sing. “Not Important” he shook his head his gaze cast to the flickering flames in the fireplace  I walked over to him burying my head into his chest but he didn’t put his arms around me or pull me into that warm soap smelling embrace I came to love so much. “Quinn?” I pulled his face making him look me in the eyes those beautiful chocolate eyes I could get lost for days in.

 

“Don’t leave us Maggie” his voice was barely a mumble as he looked at his shoes the words killed me to hear. A sharp pain in my chest the guilt like a two ton truck weighting down on me.

I placed my hand on his cheek, he closed his eyes smiling at my soft touch “I’m not leaving you Q” I whispered

 

“But you are, you’re either going to stay here without me or move to Phoenix without me the only thing you’re not doing is being with me, and I know I’m being selfish but I need you, Sal needs you for Christ sake Maggie, The Tenderloins are becoming huge and I am living my dream and I don’t want to be on this journey without you” He was gripping my shoulder now his voice higher and more panicky than ever, where was all this coming from? The first night he had seemed so fine with us not being together in New York and now it was this emotional side to Q I had never seen.

 

“Brian, you need to calm down” I tucked a piece hair behind his ear speaking softly to him as if he was a child the man was almost 20 years older but still had all this vulnerability I was not used to seeing

 

He nodded “I’m so scared I’ll never see you again”

 

“Now come on Q, Of course you’ll see me” I slipped my small hand into his large hand stroking it softly and pulling him towards the front door “Let’s go a walk, It’s just the beer talking” I grabbed one of Qs jackets from the hooks sliding my arms into it letting it swamp me.

 

We crept out of the house into the night air I could hear the laughter and chat coming from around the side of the house the stones crunched under our feet as we walked hand in hand. Noises from nightly creatures in the trees and rustles from fox cubs in the bushes was the soundtrack to our midnight stroll “I wish you could understand what’s taking me away Quinn it’s nothing against you”

 

“I want to understand but I feel the same way about New York as you do about Ireland y’know I can’t sleep well at night without listening to the night traffic and ruckus of the street below the apartment” he laughed

 

“Ah yes because the cries of people being mugged in NYC is such a lullaby isn’t it” I kidded

 

Q pouted at me giving a drunken side smile “How can two people with such a different lives be this attracted to each other” he looked up at the night sky for an answer “I knew from the moment I set eyes on you in that coffee shop you were special Maggie. You just projected this..this light that drew me too you”  

I looked up at him and blushed I loved his drunken ramblings everything Q would never say sober came out in these moments and I really seen the person he was inside “It’s called an Aura Q, everyone has one”

 

“Yeah but yours is just wow!”  We sat on the rusted swing chair by the stables rocking slowly, Qs jacket was warm and safe like a shield I tucked my legs under me resting my head on Brian shoulder.

 

“Maggie” his voice was barely a croak “Just please consider staying in New York” never had I heard him say something with so much pleading.

 

“I have considered it the only thing keeping me in the city is you Brian Quinn but ever since I was little I’ve known I would choose my career over love, I’d rather stay go away and be successful than be a starving artist in New York it would ruin me” it was really all coming out now We had never been so honest with each other. He gave a deep sigh “But listen” I squeezed his hand tight “I will be coming to see you as much as I possibly can whether it’s here or Phoenix and I hope you will do the same”

 

He gave a nod smiling at me, I rested my head on his shoulder smelling his aftershave mixed with whiskey and beer “Well we can try and there’s always the holidays I’m sure we can make time for each other for at least a day or two then”

  
Q was quiet for a while I was almost close to falling asleep wrapped up in his jacket in his arms. “Do you think you’ll ever love anyone Maggie?” he asked leaning his head on mine his thumb stroked my hand I shook my head “No I doubt it”

 

“Why not?” he waited for my answer It’s now or never I told myself just tell him how you feel.

 

“Because I love you Brian”

 

Q made a noise almost a gasp, his chest rose like he was lost for words a thousand feelings ran through my mind. I immediately regretted everything I wanted to hide away inside his jacket and disappear

 

“I love you too Sparrow” his voice was barely a whisper but I heard it I ran my fingers through his hair knocking his hat to the ground I didn’t care if it was freezing or if my family could walk around the corner any minute I wanted this man I needed to have him I pressed my lips to his and he returned the kiss his hands on my back pulling me too him there was no space between us I gasped for air dragging my tongue along his bottom lip but he wouldn’t allow me in he stopped, holding me back from him.

 

“Wait, stop” he sighed I looked at him I couldn’t understand he said he loved me? Then why didn’t he want me. Q fidgeted with his hands pulling off his silver ring he held it in his hand “Now I’m not proposing god knows that was a disaster last time” he gave a laugh, I nodded “but I just want you to wear this, maybe you will find someone and take it off, I guess I’ll have to be okay with that but just don’t forget me.”  I stared at the ring so simple but such a big gesture I don’t know why I had to pause there was no doubt in my mind I could never forget about him. Stretching my hand out to him he took it and slid the ring onto my finger it was a little big and kept sliding about but I could always find a chain for it.

 

Brian smiled at me kissing my hand my face was burning red but frankly I didn’t care I had finally got him to understand without losing him. It was just Sal I needed to talk to now, but it could wait.

“Take me to bed Brian” I whispered wrapping my arms around his neck he stood up carrying me in his arms.

 

“you really couldn’t tell you used to be in the fire department” I laughed as he held me like I was weightless “Just don’t bump my head on the door” I ducked into his neck as he let out a loud booming laugh It was the best sound I could of heard, it was familiar, it was safe and it was part of him.

 

He lay me gently on my bed turning around to close and lock the door he stood from a distance his arms crossed his brown eyes studied me as he brushed his hair behind his ear I smiled back taking in his beautiful man who had won me over.

 

Brian sat on the edge of my bed he lifted his arms as I pulled his T-shirt over his head, he trembled when I placed small kisses all along his collar bone and neck his hand embedded in my hair as he pulled me onto his lap unzipping his jacket from my body and discarding it on the floor. I felt his warm breath on me as he buried his head in my neck goose pimples laced my arms.

 

My name was a growl in his lips, his body pressed against mine he lay back onto the pillow taking me down with him the sheets pulled around us like our own protective bubble. There was no job, no difficult decisions. New York didn’t matter Ireland didn’t matter. There was only Brian Quinn and Sparrow Thorne how it should always have been and always would be. The world could have been ending and I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Nothing could have torn me away from his arms, his touch and his kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only two chapters today lovelies wasn't going to post them but i got some free time. also i wrote the last chapter last night still a few chapters to fill in until i get to the point but the end is near!


	31. Hospital Appointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A picnic on the beach,and an announcement from Fallon has Maggie worried.

The sun was rising and we still lay awake my head on Brians bare chest his arm pulled tight around my shoulder like he wouldn’t let go if his life depended on it he stroked my hair taking handfuls at a time and letting his fingers run through it I listened to his heart beating , beating for me.

 

In my head a fantasy played out we were a married couple lying in our bed in our own house our baby son or daughter sniffling softly in their cot by our bed. Q would be getting up for work soon I would leave the baby to the nanny’s and we would set off to our own respective jobs that we loved, that night I would stumble wearily home to a freshly cooked dinner our older children would tell tales of school and history projects while we listened attentively after they went to bed and the baby was asleep we would cuddle up together in bed just like we had the night before. I could feel my stomach in my mouth as I thought of the family I would probably never have.

 

“What are you thinking of?” Q yawned sleepily kissing the top of my head. My finger dragged invisible circles along his chest “Nothing, what are you thinking of?”

 

“Snapple” Q shrugged

 

“Snapple?”

 

“Yeah I haven’t had it in a while, you can’t get it for love or money here” he began to laugh as did I. Only Q would think of his stomach as we lay together our legs entangled in the sheets.

 

After a few hours I woke alone my mini Benjamin cat tucked under my chin as I starfished in the bed. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes pulling on Qs jacket that I had now claimed as my own. I padded down the stairs across the cold tiles to the kitchen I gave a yawn as I entered alerting Murr who sat alone at the table reading the local newspaper “Morning Miss Maggie, where did you sneak off to last night?” he teased I switched on the kittle for coffee wiggling my eyebrows at Murr “Just found myself in bed with a beautiful dark haired lover”

 

A confused look came over James face “oh really, I don’t remember being there at all” he laughed hard wiping at his eye I threw a dishcloth at him for his boldness slapping him on the head.

 

“Its crazy quiet where is everyone” I asked sitting down at the kitchen table

 

“Your sister was gone before I even got up, Q left about half an hour ago to walk the dogs with your brother, Sal is trying to find his shoe which one of the dogs seems to have misplaced and Joe is in our room on the phone to his eagerly waiting wife” he counted the people on his fingers giving a satisfied smile when he had everyone accounted for.

 

“It’s crazy you’ll be going home tomorrow Murr” I shook my head smiling we had been here nearly 5 days but It felt longer  

 

“Yeah I know it will be nice to get home and see Lynda and my parents I didn’t get a chance to see them before our spontaneous escape” he laughed his eyes squinting like they did when he was happy.

  
“I can’t thank you enough for everything Murr”

 

“Pfft its nothing” he waved his hand always so humble

 

“it’s not nothing though you took me in ,you looked after me and you brought me home again”

 

He gave a shrug “it was you who replied to the advert Maggie I was just grateful you weren’t another Joe Gatto” we both laughed as I reached for the bottle of milk for my coffee Murrs eyes widened “Is that… Q’S RING?!” his jaw dropped as he seen the sparkling band of silver around my finger “Did he propose?! Does this mean you’re staying in New York” I thought he would of jumped from the table his excitement alone couldn’t be contained.

 

 I shook my head trying to calm him down “I’m sorry Murr It’s only a promise ring we talked things over last night and had a little cute moment to ourselves but it’s likely I’ll be moving out” his smile disappeared and his gaze fell to the floor “It’s going to be different without you”

 

I nodded “well you didn’t expect me to live with you forever did you.”

 

“I guess not” he was looking behind me he winced in pain I turned around to see nothing but an empty doorway “Sal” he mouthed pointing behind me.  my hand hit my head with a slap of course he just had to be listening at that moment since his fall we still hadn’t talked about my move to phoenix and I haven’t even attempted to bring up the subject of staying in Ireland.

 

“I’ll tell him tonight” I rubbed my forehead it was something I really didn’t want to do.

 

“Be gentle with him Maggs, he can’t help the way he is. He’s damaged y’know” Murr gave a sympathetic smile. 

 

I finished the last of my coffee and took an apple from the bowl. “Will we go a walk and see where my brother and Quinn have got to?” I asked Murr he nodded putting his plate in the sink “I’ll go see if Sals coming along” he left the kitchen. I looked out the window at the cloudy morning the fog was just starting to lift but the sky was grey and full of thunder I remember thinking I wouldn’t of been half surprised if there was a storm on its way and there was, in the metaphorical sense anyway.

 

 “He said he’ll catch up with us” James re-entered the kitchen rolling his eyes. I grabbed my camera from the sitting room and we set off for the beach noticing the faint dots in the distance that were probably Q and Apollo. running mad alongside in the water were Loki and Bartleby. Murr gave a satisfied sigh as he took in his surroundings “I’d love to bring Lynda here someday, I think she would really like it”

 

“Oh my gosh Yes! Do it! You have to visit loads promise me you’ll visit!” I practically roared at him Murr laughed holding his hands up in surrender “Okay yes I’ll visit as much as I can I promise!” I cheered pulling my soon to be ex roommate into a hug. We had such a close bond it was good to know Murr fully supported me and would still continue to be my friend.

 

We wandered slowly across the shore as I messed around with my camera taking some shots of the water and of the waves of footprints in the sand and washed up sea shells that made pretty patterns in the sand. I felt a really happy sense inside when I seen how well they were looking compared to the out of focus messes I took when I was a teenager.

 

The familiar age old Land rover destroyer owned by the McAllister’s drove onto the beach from the main road with Eamon tooting the horn like there was no tomorrow. I giggled as I watched Fallon in the passenger seat head in her hands far too embarrassed at her fiancés hijinks to even look up they parked a fair bit away from the water and got out of the car.

 

“Nice of you to return home sis” I teased walking over to her “where have you been?”

 

Fallon rolled her eyes and gave a shrug “Just took a trip to Letterkenny” I stopped laughing and looked at my sister. Letterkenny was a cathedral town about 30 minutes away it was the closest thing to a city for miles. The only times we usually went there was for Christmas shopping or to go to the hospital and by the looks of it my sister and Eamon didn’t have any shopping bags with them.

 

“What’s going on Fallon?” I started to panic why had she been to the hospital, was there something wrong, we didn’t need any more losses so soon after Mammy. I studied my sister’s face out of everyone I knew she was the hardest to read. She ignored my question looking around her “Where’s Apollo?” I pointed down the beach where Apollo and Brian had turned around and started to make their way back towards us.

 

 The two dogs were way ahead and got to us first jumping and barking around our feet I chewed on my lip wishing the guys would hurry up so Fallon could do some explaining, my anxiety was running high wanting an answer the prospect of losing my sister was too much to even think about. I seen the guys within shouting distance “WILL YOU GUYS HURRY THE FUCK UP PLEASE” I roared to my brother making Murr jump beside me.

 

 Finally, Apollo reached us followed by a very out of breath Brian, he noticed my worried expression “What’s the matter Sparrow?” My brother asked softly I pointed to Fallon “Fal was at the hospital and she won’t tell me why?” Apollo’s smile dropped he turned to his twin “Fal? What’s going on?”

 

Fallon shifted awkwardly digging her toes into the sand Eamon slid his arm around her “Just tell them honey” Fallon took a breath “Okay well the morning of Mammy’s memorial I wasn’t feeling too good so I booked a doctor’s appointment that’s where we were yesterday with Dr MacMurphy in the village and she checked me over and after a few tests she confirmed Eamon and I are expecting.”

 

There was a silence my jaw dropped as did Apollo’s “You’re pregnant!” I screeched throwing myself at my sister and wrapping my arms around her “that’s amazing oh my gosh” I couldn’t hold in my emotions I began sobbing into her cardigan I was so happy for her, my own sister becoming a mammy “Sparrow please” Fallon giggled  reservedly “I’ve already had Eamon cry when we seen the scan today I don’t need you breaking on me too”

 

“You’ve already been for a scan?!” I screamed Eamon pulled the strip of photographs from his pocket “that’s where we were today” he smiled handing them over, I looked at the little bean shaped blob on the screen I held it into my chest as I looked to the heavens silently thanking Mammy for this amazing gift. Apollo pulled me in for a group hug with Fallon “The next generation has begun” he announced.

 

Brian and Murr both shook Eamons hand to congratulate him and I gave my soon to be brother in law a huge hug although the McAllister’s and Thornes had been family friends for the best part of 40 years this was the first blood alliance between the two families this little bean shaped blob in the photograph that would become my niece or nephew.

 

The remainder of the afternoon was spent lounging around the beach it was so relaxed. Joe and Sal joined us eventually, we walked the length of the beach exploring rock pools and mysterious caves, paddling ankle deep in the water we told stories of my childhood and the joker’s schooldays and laughed until our belly’s ached.

 

 Liam made an appearance late afternoon with a basket and cooler full of lunch. We sat together munching on snacks and sharing a bottle of champagne although Fallon politely declined and settled for Orange juice along with Joe. I had my feet dug deep into the sand sitting beside Sal both eating sandwiches as he drew pictures in the sand with his finger. I dusted the crumbs from my jacket and broke out my camera taking photos of Fallon resting her head against Eamon a protective hand against her stomach, Joe sharing his sandwich with Loki who happily lay across his lap not realising he was far from any sort of lap dog. Q stood majestically on a rock watching the fishing boats out at sea. I took some group shots including a great shot of everyone Sal, Joe, Liam, Fallon, Eamon, Brian, Apollo, Murr and the two dogs just sitting around enjoying the food, views and company on this beautiful beach in Ireland.

 

Apollo was telling tales of his morning walk with Q and how he helped him relax a little about the show that night if there was anyone who knew anything about how not to get nervous on front of an audience it had to be Brian. I smiled to myself at how much he cared for my family I hoped that wherever I chose to live, this week I spent bringing my New York family and Ireland family together, that we would be close for many years to come, should the powers that be choose not to take any of us away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keep reviewing guys let me know how its going, what are you liking? , what are you not liking? how do you think it will all end? more importantly will all our characters make it to the end safe and sound?!?!?!


	32. To the Moon and back

The afternoon turned to evening and the sky turned a beautiful shade of pink the guys returned to the house to get washed and changed for our night out.  God only knows how long that would take with only two bathrooms so I decided to stay behind for a while and get ready last.  I sat on a rock dipping my feet into the water listening to the birds flying home to their trees singing their evening songs. Liam laid looking at the clouds and having a cigarette an arm tucked under his head.

“This is the life eh Sparrow?” he chuckled blowing a puff of smoke

I smiled at the laid back McAllister it baffled me how someone could be such a hard worker but so chilled at the same time “It’s going to be great having you back” he remarked.

“Well I haven’t decided anything yet” I ran my fingers through my hair there was still part of me that was considering the move to Phoenix and an even smaller part of me that wanted to stay in New York.  Liam got too his feet  he stood close towering over me his piercing blue eyes locked on mine and the smell of masculinity surrounding him he took my hand in his “I think I can change your mind Wee birdy.”

He lead me up the beach  to the exit in the village and on to the road there weren’t a lot of cars around this time we wandered through the sleepy village I forgot how beautiful it could look framed by the setting sun behind the mountains.

I walked arm in arm with Liam acknowledging the smiling villagers who stopped to say hello. We came upon Mrs Brennan standing outside the town square waiting on her bus “Good evening Mrs Brennan, How are you” Liam raised his voice to speak to the elderly woman “Awk Liam I didn’t see you there love, I’m just heading home now tucking myself in for the night”

A cheeky grin spread across Liam’s face “Sure Mrs Brennan I thought you would come dancing with me tonight I bet you still got moves” the sweet lady gave a chuckle as she slapped the Younger McAllister “Always the charmer Liam just like your father, it only seems like wee while ago you were chasing young Thorne here around the village with hearts in your eyes” Liam turned to me speechless and blushing as red as poppies.  Mrs Brennan gave another laugh as she elbowed me “that shushed him didn’t it, I’m surprised you two sweethearts haven’t settled down yet.”

My face flamed red Liam almost collapsed laughing he threw his arm around my shoulder crushing me against his ribs “Any day now I’ll be popping the question, she can’t keep away from me forever” I glared at Liam behind my fake smile I forgot how much of a flirt he could be.

We bid goodnight to Mrs Brennan and continued on down the street I elbowed Liam hard in his side “you can’t lie to an old lady.” I scolded he gave me a cheeky wink as he stopped again I looked around trying to recognise where we were it was the Gallery.

Liam took out a huge bunch of keys and flicked them carefully giving a satisfied “Ah ha” when he found the long silver key he unlocked the door and lead me inside leaving to find the light switch I stood alone in the lobby looking around. The building felt so sad nothing like how beautiful it had been the night of Mammy’s wake no people laughing and chatting, no soft music on piano or strings it felt empty. We toured through the rooms silently I could sense this place had once held so much warmth.

I sat below a beautiful painted portrait of my mother that a visitor to Sheephaven had donated when the gallery was first opened. Liam sat on front of me cross-legged and held my hands in his “Sparrow I know how bad Willow could be, I was there with you through all the ugliness, When you thought the only thing she loved was a bottle of whiskey but inside she was an amazing person she loved everybody and everything and all she really wanted was to be loved back.” he looked around the room smiling “You should of seen this place on opening day Willows smile was as bright as the moonlight from that day until just a few months ago when she became too ill to work people came and went everyday falling in love with her art and her stories.”

I had never heard such an honest description of Mammy and never would have expected it to come from somebody like Liam but he was right he had been here while I was gone he seen the transition from half assed drunk nightmare to actual decent person.

“She hoped you would come back, she loved telling people of her baby bird in New York being free and she really did understand why you felt you couldn’t live your life in Sheephaven but she hoped after she was gone that you would take her place” Liam got to his feet and pulled me up he wiped at the tears I couldn’t help from falling “Thank you Liam” I whispered slowly wrapping my arms around his neck and tucking my face into his chest. I was so drained of emotion I just needed something to hold on to we stood like that for a few minutes. Liam raised my head to look at him then he kissed me just once his lips lightly pressed on mine before pulling away nowhere near as awkward as when were younger it was different now like kissing a brother or family member “Make this place beautiful again Sparrow” he walked towards the door leaving me to take it all in once more.

 Liam gave me a lift home telling me he would see me around 10 at the O’Reillys bar. I crept into the house the smell of homemade soup and fresh bread filled my nose Fallon must have made it before she left for Eamons house to get ready. I could hear Sal upstairs banging his fist on the Bathroom door “Murr I swear to god if you take all the hot water I’ll drown you in the toilet” he growled. The sound of guitar strumming came from behind the closed door of the study Apollo was tuning up. I could only picture how nervous he was now.

I wrapped the sleeves of my jacket around my favourite mug sipping at the soup trying not to burn my mouth on the huge pieces of carrot. The kitchen was quiet for a change, I sat wondering if this was how it would be once all the guys went back it was somewhat lonely.

I found Brian in my bedroom standing at the dresser buttoning up the shirt and $5 thrift store brown jacket I’d seen him wear a hundred times before it was his only smart-casual shirt but it was familiar and it was him.  He gave a smile when he seen me and asked where I had been “Just with Liam, We had a really nice chat.” I smiled kicking off my shoes and unbuttoning my shorts it was so natural just stripping off on front of Q now I rarely gave it a second thought “What’s the deal with you and him anyway?” he narrowed his eyebrows at me as he tried not to make it obvious he was clearly staring at my butt

“Oh didn’t anyone tell you we’re getting Married?” I winked at him getting out my makeup bag

Brian crossed his arms giving a  huffed pout, I giggled and gave his cheeks a squeeze he was so cute when he got jealous “There’s nothing between us Q  I love you and only you” I kissed him on the cheek feeling his beard scratch my face like the first time and every time our faces met since that day. Q blushed pulling me close to him he nuzzled his face in my hair “I love you too”

“How much?”

“What?” he pulled away a baffled smile on his face

“How much do you love me?” I smiled up at him I was so horrible but I loved teasing him he thought about his answer for a minute looking out the window over my shoulder “To the moon and back baby bird” he winked at me my stomach exploded into a flutter of butterfly’s it was amazing how he could make me feel this way every single time.

A knock on my bedroom door interrupted us from our embrace as Sal stood shivering in the doorway his hair still wet from the shower but he was well dressed and groomed as always “If anyone see’s ferret face tell him he’s a dead man” Sal announced dramatically.

“Poor Sally” I mocked running my hands through his wet hair until he slapped me away “Now guys leave please I need to get ready and you’re both horrible distractions”

Sal and Q looked at each other offended “Honey we’re the best distractions you’ll ever get” Q Sassed before turning on his heal and strutting out of the room “Hey Maggs?” Sal asked

“What is it Vulcano?”

“Nice spotty undies” he laughed my face turned a shade of beetroot I had completely forgot I had taken my shorts off. Sal ran from the room when he seen me pick up a deodorant can and launch it in his direction it flew into the hall where I heard a scream from Joe “Jeez beware flying spray cans” he roared passing my doorway rubbing the back of his head.

I sat on my bed pondering over all the events over the last week, I was more than certain I wanted to stay now I had my brother and sister back and now a new baby was on the way I had a home and a secure job all which only a few weeks ago seemed impossible. Maggie Thorne was fading Maggie who had no family who hid the truth from everyone, Sparrow Thorne had a new beginning.

I opened my suitcase carefully taking out the Navy dress I had worn to Joes wedding. In all the panic of packing to rush home I’d still remembered to pack it I contemplated wearing it tonight but decided it was far too fancy for a night at O’Reillys under that dress was the purple dress I had worn the night the boys came home from tour the butterfly’s resurfaced as I stroked the material lightly thinking of the first kiss I had shared with Brian Quinn wearing this dress if I was truly going to say goodbye to Maggie I think I would give her one last night out.

I fixed the dress around my chest it still fit like a glove and I felt just as pretty the second time around I sat at my dressing table reaching for the pins to tie my long hair up into a bun and applied my makeup. Blinking at myself in the mirror it was like looking at an old friend after 5 days of going barefoot, flowing dresses, and wild hair it was strange to see myself looking so professional again.

Sal entered the room forgetting to knock “Q forgot his hat and sent me to” he laughed stopping suddenly in his tracks as I tucked a stray hair into my bun with a pin “What’s the matter?” I couldn’t read his eyes at all he smiled at me sheepishly “You just look like yourself again that’s all” I chewed the inside of my lip “I just thought it was time to say Goodbye to Maggie” his face dropped a little “So you’ll be going by Sparrow in Arizona?” oh Sal so oblivious to all the plans it was probably time to tell him I wouldn’t be returning with him and the guys “Look Sal I…” 

“SPARROW BRONACHS HERE COME ON WE NEED TO LEAVE” the shouting of my brother interrupted my sentence Sal was still waiting for me to finish “We’ll talk later okay bud?” I smiled patting him on the shoulder.

 Everyone except Sal and I had made their way downstairs where I heard could hear Bronach O’Reilly In the kitchen her loud laughs filling every corner.  A few squirts of perfume and grabbing my clutch bag and I was ready. I stepped down the steep wooden stairs trying not to fall in my heels and break my neck. Brian was standing at the bottom adjusting his hat, he looked up when he seen me appear at the top of the stairs his beautiful brown eyes fixed on me the whole way down. This was my princess moment when the prince gives her that look the look that means he will probably love her forever and always remember exactly how she looked in this moment. But behind the smile I could see the sadness the realization in his mind that this was probably the last time we would be going out together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so between this and fan fiction.net I've just reached over 1000 views wow! i want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's stuck through this so far and a special thank you to anyone who's left a review you are few but each word means to much to me and fills me with so much happiness.  
> Also a few people have been asking about sequels and alternate universe stories and i can say as long as you want them i will keep writing I've no plans for a sequel just yet because of how this ends but that may change i do however a prequel set before Saviour and following Sal and Libby through Libbys death and Sals sad points is in planning and hopefully will be getting started soon theres still a few more chapters of saviour left so lets crack on. :) 
> 
> P.S If theres any confusion, Bronachs name is pronounced simply as BRO-NA , We irish are extremely fond of throwing silent letters into names.


	33. Jump.

We reached the bar apart from a new coat of paint it hadn’t changed in the slightest a fire still raged in the corner the smell of fresh turf burning. The usual dim lighting made brighter by the hundreds of half burned candles littering the room. Candle light acoustics had been running since before I could even remember some amazing acts had passed through here during all that time some became quite big and others not so much.

Willow had done a few sets here in her time I remember right up at the stage on a little chair drinking lemonade and watching my mama preform like she was the biggest star in the sky. Afterwards she would get drunk and come home screaming telling us how she wished she never had us and we held her back from becoming famous for her art. But for those few minutes on stage when she sang her heart out to me and the twins she was herself and it was beautiful.

Now it was my brothers turn he had 10 times the music talent Willow had I just hope he wouldn’t fuck it up with his nerves before he got on stage he stood at the bar with me clutching his beaded dreadlocks in his fist, taking deep breaths it honestly sounded like he was having an asthma attack.

 Q fist bumped Apollo and looked him dead in the eyes “Remember what I told you dude” my brother nodded pulling him in for a man hug “Thanks Brother” Apollo smiled and helped me carry the tray of whiskey shots over to our booth I narrowed my eyebrows at Brian wondering what exactly he had told him. Q laughed and winked at me before joining the guys in toasting my brother.

 A strange face sat at our table she was crazy pretty huge eyelashes framed her green eyes and her red lipstick complemented by her shoulder length black hair. Dressed in jeans and a shirt, her glasses resting on her nose. I studied her face having absolutely no idea who she was. Apollo saved me from confusion “Sparrow I’d like you to meet someone, this is Shannon” Shannon smiled at me reaching for my hand “Shan is my back up singer and O’Reillys wife to be” Apollo continued. I turned around to Bronach shocked “You never told me you were engaged” I screeched at her the hopelessly laid back bitch shrugged laughing “You never asked Thorne, We’re just waiting for the bleedin government to give us the vote to legalize our marriage and we’ll be happy”

The place had started to fill up friends of Apollos and Shans along with a lot of the village locals and people from the next village over. I stood at the bar having a catch up with Bronachs brother Danny but soon he got too busy serving people so I collected a round of beers and headed over to the guys Eamon and Fallon had finally shown up along with Liam who was blaming Fallon for taking so long on her hair everyone was so squished in together I had no choice but to sit on Brians lap.

“you had better take it easy tonight Buddy I’m not carrying you through the airport tomorrow nursing a hangover” Joe warned Murr, the smaller joker slapped his friend on the back “Oh lighten up Joey it’s our last night of vacation” I couldn’t help but  giggle only 3 drinks in and James Murray was slurring his speech .

Apollo joined Shannon on stage and took a seat on a stool steadying his guitar on his lap “Hi everyone, thanks for coming out tonight I’m Apollo Thorne I’ll be playing a few covers and some of my own material. My very good friend Shan is here helping me out and I uh hope you enjoy the show” I cheerfully applauded my brother he was projecting so much confidence. Brian tucked a protective arm around my waist he was chatting to a very engrossed Bronach about podcasts and View Askew. My hand rested on my beer bottle tapping it to the music with my ring this caught Sals attention I could see him staring at it from the corner of his eye I hoped to god he wouldn’t get the same idea Murr had, that I would be staying or even that I was engaged. I was going to confront him about staring so much but I became distracted by Eamon pulling Fallon to her feet to dance.

I watched them as he held her close to him she smiled as she rested her head on his. My sister had her happy ending the prince, the mansion and the baby what I could have had. I only wished I had found my prince closer to home maybe things would have been a lot different.

Apollo finished a song getting a reasonable reaction from the crowd he blushed as he received his applause, He took a notebook from his pocket flicking through a few pages “Now bear with me this is quite new” he studied the notebook playing a few chords he gave a satisfied smile when they sounded right “Okay now I took a walk with a friend of mine recently it was pretty insightful, we chatted about life about work generic crap like that but he says to me Apollo I’m in love with this girl and everything about her is life itself but we’re being torn apart and she says we’ll see each other but I can’t help thinking what if we don’t , what if I say goodbye and it’s our last goodbye I wouldn’t even know what to say to her. Now I told him he was talking bullshit” Apollo gave a laugh the audience laughed too I was so interested to see where this was going my brother continued strumming and chatting “But I really did get thinking what if that was me or any of us, what would we say? So I scribbled a few notes I really don’t think it’s any good but it fits for a good song so let’s try this”

I looked at Brian he was blushing horribly shaking his head at my brother, the rest of the table spoke in hushed whispers about who the hell Apollo was talking about, but Brian knew and when his lips touched my cheek softly I knew. Apollo’s raw vocals powered through the speakers

You’re setting off,

It's time to go the engines running

My mind is lost,

We always knew this day was coming

And now it’s more frightening than it’s ever gonna be

Brian slid me off his lap taking my hand and pulling me into the sea of people dancing I bit my lip as he pulled my hands around his neck and slid his around my waist. I listened to the words my brother was singing they were so beautiful and so meaningful.

We grow apart

I watch you on the red horizon

Your lion’s heart

Will protect you under stormy skies

And I will always be listening for your laughter in your tears

 

And as soon as I can hold you once again

I won’t let go of you I swear.

 

We swayed  and spun around the floor “You can’t dance” I whispered to him Q laughed kissing my head “Neither can you flat feet” his voice deep but safe sent a shiver down my spine I pouted and smiled resting my head on his chest as we moved from side to side.

We live through scars this time

But I’ve made up my mind

We can’t leave us behind anymore

 

You’re miles away

You’re breaking up, you’re on your own

It’s hard to take,

I need an hour just to say hello

And I can’t make the truth of this work out for you or me

I was having flashbacks of Joes wedding, there was nobody in the room but me and Q and Apollo serenading us and us alone. I thought of just how far Brian and I had come, I thanked my stars for ever having the chance to meet him and call him mine even for a short time. He held me so close to him we could of danced right into heaven and I wouldn’t have looked back.

We live through scars this time

But I’ve made up my mind

We can’t leave us behind anymore

We’ll have to hurt for now

But next times there’s no doubt

Cause I can’t go without you anymore.

Apollo finished singing and the crowd went absolutely crazy applauding him my brother was bursting with pride. Brian stood still holding my waist I closed my eyes and placed a kiss softly on his lips “I love you Brian” I whispered Q smiled “To the moon and back baby bird.” He ran a finger down my cheek I got goosebumps at his touch. We ordered another drink and returned to our seats, the night went on drinks were poured in vast amounts, poor Murr was only half conscious and had a moustache and eyebrows drawn on him by Joe the laughing we done was crazy it was really a most enjoyable night.

Apollo began his last song “Okay guys I appreciate everyone that supported me tonight I want to thank Shannon for her amazing work my two sisters for putting up with me and always being there and my late mama god rest her I’d like to dedicate cover of The Black Crowes  too her in hope that she’s watching over me”

She never mentions the word addiction

In certain company

Yes, she’ll tell you she’s an orphan

After you meet her family

 

She paints her eyes as black as night now

Pulls those shades down tight

Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes

The pain gonna make everything alright

 

Says she talks to angels

They call her out by her name

Oh yeah she talks to angels

Says they call her out by her name

 

She don’t know no lover

None that I ever seen

Yeah to her that aint nothin

But to me, yeah me

Means everything.

 

Every word held so much emotion I was close to tears when Apollo finished We all finished our drinks and stumbled our way out of the bar. Murr was being dragged along his arm around Liam and Sals neck and Bronach wasn’t much better I said goodnight to my sister and Eamon and linked arms with Apollo as we walked down up the moonlit lane towards home “You did great tonight Apollo I’m so proud” I gushed to my brother he blushed running his hands through his dreads “Mr O’Reilly has invited me back next month, this could be it Sparrow it’s all taking off” he was so excited if not slightly tipsy.

Murr was put to bed followed by Joe who collapsed from exhaustion into his bed. Liam said goodnight and made his way home I switched on the kettle for tea and headed to my room to put on my hoodie it’s a well-known fact here and maybe all over the world that a cup of tea is necessary before bed after a night of drinking. I kicked off my heels and pulled on my huge jacket giving Q a kiss on the head he gave a sleepy smile and rolled over to sleep.

I sat outside sipping my tea the night was calm no wind or thankfully any rain I could see the Village of Marble Hill away in the distance across the water it was only an hour or so away by car along the coastal road but on a clear night like this you could see right across and make out every cottage and street lamp. A noise from the kitchen alerted me “APOLLO, you better not be stealing snacks” I roared. a laugh that was not my brothers rang out and made me turn around to see Sal standing in the doorway it made me smile to see him I felt like we had grown apart far too much since coming here “Hey buddy thought you were in bed” I beckoned for him to come over and sit on the patio furniture with me “I couldn’t sleep” Sal shrugged taking a seat “I keep seeing the dark water every time I close my eyes” he frowned looking at the grass as he spoke I took his hand squeezing it tight for comfort “I won’t let the darkness get you Sally”

Sal gave a laugh “The stars look amazing tonight.”

“They’re even better from Willows cliff top” I drank the last of my tea and got to my feet “Would you join  me on a midnight stroll of the beach Mr Vulcano” I held out my hand to him he took it and pulled himself up “lead the way Miss Thorne” he smiled

We wandered along the beach in silence bathed in the moonlight I walked barefoot in the sand Sal stroked my hand with his thumb it was so relaxing and peaceful we finally reached Willows Cliff and climbed our way up Sals jaw dropped in awe as he gazed at every star as bright as space itself twinkling in the October sky. I lay the blanket we brought on the ground lying on it my hands behind my head “I wonder if my Mammy’s up there” I commented

Sal gave a nod “I have… family up there” he gave an awkward stutter I knew he was thinking of Libby, maybe being here just us alone together was the right time to bring it up

“Sal?”

“yeah?”

“I know about Libby.”

Sal was quiet for a minute I thought he was angry he gave a loud sigh not taking his eyes off the sky “I guess it was going to come out sometime”

“Tell me about her, please?” I reached out my hand placing it on his just to let him know I was there for support

“Libby was amazing, the first girl I ever loved, like really was just wow in every way We were made for each other we should have been together for a life time but I lost her. Sal took a deep breath and a sniff I wanted to cry myself he talked about her with such emotion “She was so beautiful, She didn’t deserve to die”

“Nobody deserves to die Sal but sometimes it just happens some people are too good and pure for this life” my eyes started to tear up but it made me feel a little less self-conscious when I seen Sal was crying too he looked over at me and laughed “ah look at us Maggie, half the world away from home sitting on a cliff top crying”

“It’s pretty strange” I nodded

“We make a good team you and me, you saved me Maggie”

I looked at him confused “I did?”

Sal nodded still watching the stars “I was a different person before you came along I was only starting to get better around the time you moved into the apartment I felt an attachment to you I can’t even explain it you made me feel wanted again y’know”

“You were always wanted Sal, We all love you very much”

He gave a smile at this before frowning and looking back at me “Do you love him Maggie?”

“Love who?” I asked but I had a clear idea who he was talking about

“Of course you love him I’ve seen the way you look at each other, Libby used to look at me like that, How’s it all going to work when you go away?”

I gave a shrug not wanting to think about it but I felt I had to give Sal some sort of answers “Not sure yet if he meets someone he meets someone I can’t stop it”

“I miss us when you two are together.” His voice was quiet, barely there.

“us?”

“You can’t tell me you don’t notice we don’t see each other as much you’re always with him” there was a bitter tone in his voice I tried to ignore it. It was too much of a beautiful night for fighting

“We still hang out Sal on movie night and pizza night”

“Yeah but that’s when everyone is there I mean just us like the picnics we had when it was just us laughing and spending time together” I knew what he meant it was different I felt sad to think our days together would become even more seldom

“you sound like my jealous home girl” I laughed

“Bitch I am” Sal snapped his fingers always the sassmaster. I started to giggle and Sal laughed hard had he been standing up he would have fallen right over he wiped a tear from his eye sighing to finish his laugh

 “I’ve been thinking though once we get back we should have another wine night sometime just us y’know.” he gave a laugh I closed my eyes tight hoping the conversation could be over he looked at me for a reply I knew the words were coming I didn’t want this to happen but I couldn’t hide anymore I had to be better than that here it goes I took a deep breath “I’m not going back Sal?”

“Yeah I know but when you get settled in Arizona we’ll do dinner see the sights hang out”

“No Sal you’re not listening to me, I’m not going back to the states I’m staying here.”

He didn’t speak I sat up to look at him he was staring at the sky blinking hard probably wishing on a star what he heard wasn’t true. “you’re not saying that, no you’re not” he shook his head furiously

“Sal….”

“No Maggie” he got to his feet pointing at me I felt cornered “I can cope with you being with Q, I can cope with you being half way across the country y’know I could come see you you’re only a few hours plane journey away what I will not accept is you staying here and leaving me behind!” his voice was broken and quiet his green eyes watering as he looked at me “you can’t leave me Maggie..”

“I’m not leaving you Sal I’ll call you all the time we’ll Skype we can visit each other I’m not going to just forget you.” I reached out to hug him I needed him to believe me

Sal pulled away looking at me with pure hate “How could you be so selfish” he spat

“Excuse me, selfish?!”

“Every single fucking time you needed me I was there, any time you called me in the middle of the night I answered I picked you up the morning after you slept with that rat bag british guy and took you to Q’s house so you could confess your love to him, I held you when you cried , I followed you the whole way to fucking Ireland with an hours’ notice dropping everything to bring you here to visit a dead woman you never even liked in the first place.” The words stung hard how he could say these things to me.

“First of all that dead woman was my mother and as much of a nightmare she could be she was my mother all the same and Of course I wanted to tell you!” I was screaming back at him now I hated every minute of this.

“But you didn’t did you Sparrow fucking Sparrow you couldn’t even tell me your real fucking name I feel like a dick for believing you ever even cared I was just a fucking pawn in your sick little game, little girl in the big city all alone needing a friend and I fuckin fell for it well I’m done you’re leaving me just like Liberty did!” His voice a broken harsh whisper

“Libby didn’t leave you Sal she died and I will never leave you I’m only ever going to be phones call away” my heart was racing.

“She left me here alone, I don’t want to be alone again I thought I could love again Sparrow when you walked into my life and stopped me being alone. It’s not even that I’m in love with you I just have this connection to you I can’t even begin to explain I’ve been trying to work it out since I met you and now you’re leaving just as quickly as you flew in. Well fuck you I can leave just as easily too” he roared as he stormed off towards the house wiping his eyes I was in shock where had all this come from.

“Sal where are you going?!”

“I’m going home Tomorrow morning I’m getting the flight with Gatto and Murr and I’m going home and I never want you anywhere near me again!”

Like that he was gone I was on my own I sat on the cliff replaying the last 5 minutes of conversation in my head where did it go wrong? why couldn’t he understand this is where I belonged with my family at my home I felt a pain on my chest a pain I’d never felt like it I had just lost my best friend he never wanted to see me again.

The tears wouldn’t stop there wasn’t a sound but the waves crashing on the waves each one like another stab in the chest I stood up and began to scream like my throat would tear I screamed for the daddy I never knew, for the mammy I wished was still alive, for anyone who had ever told me I wouldn’t amount to anything or that my mum was a freak I screamed for every cross word I had with Brian for how much I would miss the guys and every difficult fucking decision I ever had to make, I screamed for Sal the pain of losing him I was dull and numb but I kept screaming there was nothing else I could do.

I could jump

Don’t even think about it sparrow

But I’ve lost him

There’s so much else in life apart from him he just needs to cool off

But I loved him, a love so strong it wasn’t romantic in any way it was just like he was a part of me I felt the same connection he had.

Think about it as rebirth jump in and cleanse yourself of him the new Sparrow Thorne will be reborn you can stay here without him you’re stronger than this.

The voices in my head spun around and around like a deafening noise the water crashing, the birds waking up it was all too much I took a step towards the edge looking at the rocks below the tide was out it was a bad idea

Just jump Sparrow

Just jump

Jump

I plunged into the water into the darkness I knew something was wrong the minute I tried to open my eyes there was something blurring my vision and it wasn’t the salt water there was a dull pain in my head the water was filling my nose and mouth, it felt like I had forgotten I couldn’t breathe underwater I reached my head was that blood? I tried to swim up to the surface everything was dark I couldn’t see I couldn’t breathe my head felt fuzzy this was it I was dying released of this world and all the pain it could cause I would be free from any more money any worries ,any heartbreak anything.

Time to be free little bird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howls loudly from rooftops what have i done?! 
> 
> Apollos songs are scars by James Bay and She talks to angels by The Black Crowes


	34. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN seriously short little chapter because i couldn't wait till Monday. i promise to update and maybe finish the full thing on Monday morning. PLEASE REVIEW

The flashing lights lit up the beach in the morning sunrise as the ambulance drove up the trail onto the road and off into the distance the loud siren was an echo in the ears of Liam McAllister as he watched it drive away. He was grateful he had been the designated driver last night there was no way he would have been able to face up to this with a hangover.

Murr however was a different story he sat on the sand his head pounding and his mouth dry none of that really compared to the panic in him he tried to get his head around everything that happened in the last few hours but none of it was making sense it had all been chaos from the minute he heard Apollo entering the house screaming for help.

The paramedics would only let one person in the ambulance so Apollo volunteered and Eamon drove off with Fallon to the hospital. All Liam could do was wait for a call. The phone call that could crumble lives nobody would cope without Sparrow she was the epitome of living, a chirpy little bird with a heart of gold and as wild as the blackberries in the bushes.

Liam rubbed his jaw, the paramedic with the freckles on her face said suspected suicide attempt but she may be wrong. She fucking had to be wrong Sparrow Thorne would never have taken her own life. She loved the world far too much she knew the cycles of the moon, the pattern of the tides and the names of every flower as well as she knew her own name.

It was all some sort of accident he thought the mad bitch probably wanted a midnight swim and got into trouble. He had seen the dent in her head when they loaded her into the ambulance the red paramedic said she had hit it with some force probably on a rock. There was a voice in the back of his head an itching in his mind he didn’t want to listen to but it was a possibility, What if she was pushed? The bastard better pray for his fucking life Liam thought I’ll kill the fucker if I find out someone’s to blame.

He pictures her as the crazy riotous 4 year old she was when she believed for a good 6 months she was a jungle child raised by a bear named Baloo she would run through the fields around the McAllister estate laughing and screaming she climbed trees and swung from the branches and ate berry’s from the bushes even though Fallon told her they were dirty, when they were 10 and spent endless days kicking an old Gaelic ball around the beach Sparrow could tackle better than any man and  definitely wasn’t of getting her knees scraped the time she busted her knee wide open and didn’t cry once Liam thought she was so cool for being brave he hated to admit it at the time but for a girl he pretty much idolised her, when they were 16 and he took her to her end of year dance because that colossal bastard Jack O’Hagan ditched her the day before fuck she was beautiful that night in a dress as green as the spruce trees and how they danced all night until her heel actually broke from her shoe. The day she left taking all the sunshine in Sheephaven with her not a call or a text. All the years she was gone he thought of her daily he would have given anything just to hear her laugh or go surfing with her again or he late nights under the stars when they would just drink whiskey and listen to the waves he missed her an awful lot and then day she returned and everything became brighter again she went away a girl and returned a woman his lifelong best friend Sparrow Thorne.

Liam roars to the sky kicking a rock with brute force sending a shocking pain into his foot he wipes furiously at the tears forming in his eyes he hasn’t cried since his Da died. First Da then Willow then Sparrow problem was his Da and Willow where a fair age Sparrow was only 23 far too young to be taken away from everyone that loves her.

The younger McAllister brother looks to his left he was used to watching Brian Q Quinn on impractical jokers not exactly all the time but when he could he would catch an episode or two but now here he was sitting in the sand staring absent-mindedly at the ocean his untidy hair even more chaotic than usual probably like the thoughts in his mind right now. Liam believed Q always came off a little cocky but something changed when he seen how he looked at Sparrow like she was every sunny day rolled into one person and she looked at him like she would never love another. Sparrow had a big heart and Liam knew just by looking at her as she danced with Brian Quinn  just hours before that he took up every inch of that heart.

 Liam thinks of the night he first met BQ after picking him up from the airport  he was quiet the whole way to Sheephaven the whole three hours and the man barely spoke a word, Joey had explained he was just afraid, afraid he was forgotten or afraid he was rejected or maybe even just afraid that she didn’t love him anymore. The joy in Maggie’s eyes when she seen Brian sitting at her kitchen table said it all though whatever had gone on between them in the big city was forgotten about she was just glad to have him with her.

Brian ran his hands through his hair he felt numb inside his little bird gone the woman that should have been his wife wiped away like the tide washed away the sand.

“She’s dead Murr…” his voice barely a whisper his eyes fixed on the water.

Murr placed his hand on his friends shoulder he really didn’t know how to comfort him he could barely speak himself as squeezed Brian’s shoulder “She’s not dead they said there’s a small chance she’ll make it”

Brian shook his head he felt like someone had made him forget how to be happy like someone took the sun and demolished it right on front of him. “I seen it in her eyes Murray when they were trying the CPR she wasn’t there, she’s gone.”


	35. Darkness

There was darkness all around nothing felt real this couldn’t be death could it? There was a sound like white noise and heavy static it surrounded me I slowly became aware of other noises around me, at first I thought I was back in the coffee shop I could hear machines wiring and buzzing, It was only when I tried to move or open my eyes I realised I couldn’t. I tried to scream for help but nothing was happening I felt trapped just me and the darkness and the harsh static in my ears.

It was obvious I was in a hospital and then it dawned on me I had survived but how? Who found me?  I wouldn’t of been brought to a hospital unless it was serious so what was the damage? And even yet would I ever wake from this mind prison I felt myself inhabiting.

As I lay time became obsolete I couldn’t tell if It was day or night and frankly I didn’t care sometimes I’d just let the darkness consume me and I’d just slip away into nothingness but I would always wake up eventually I could hear the Doctors and Nurses bustling around me whispering in hushed voices.

A door to my right opened and a figure entered the room taking a seat beside me the soft footsteps and gentle sniffles told me it was Fallon but she didn’t speak to me I could hear her quiet sobs as she petted my curls for a while until a nurse came by to tell her visiting was over Fallon kissed me softly on the head, “Oh Sparrow” her voice was an exhausted whisper “Why couldn’t you tell anyone you were unhappy, you could of talked to us. I know I told you that you lead a full life but I didn’t mean it was time to end it” I sat listening to her the static was rising in my ears again my own sister actually believed I tried to kill myself. I wanted to throw my arms around her and tell her it was all an accident and how sorry I was for putting her through this so soon after Mammy. I tried so hard to move even just a finger but the static was getting louder pulling me into the black abyss of my mind once more.

I later woke to the sweet nurse who smelled of peppermints and soap she was a kindly soul with an elderly croaky voice I had become used to her presence over the unknown amount of time I had been here I learned her name from the other doctors that it was Nurse Grace. Grace liked to hum Disney songs while bathing me. As she cleaned my face I felt the warm water on my head and yearned to see my beach again but a scared feeling spread through my body as I thought of the water filling my nose and mouth and the pain in my head before the darkness came. What if I became too afraid to go back in the water? What if I never even saw it again? I felt so alone with just my thoughts. I was a caged little bird.

Grace sat with me a while it was the first time anyone had spoken to me directly she chatted to herself and to me as she fussed around me it was somewhat soothing, “you must be little Sparrow I knew your mother very well I looked after her when she became ill. She would talk about her little bird making it big in New York” A pain in my chest arose at the thought of my Mama “I don’t know if you can hear me little bird  you must be so frightened but you need to fight this dear, look for a light in the darkness and focus on it something that gives you spirit and hope it will keep you with us little one” she stood up I could hear her dusting down her uniform before she tiptoed out of the room quite frankly I didn’t see the point in her being quiet it’s not like I was going to wake up anytime soon if at all.

After she had left I began looking for the light whether it was true or not what Grace had said I was determined to get back to my family she said to look for the things that make me happy and give me my spirit, I thought of my home and my beautiful Sheephaven I thought of my mother and all the photographs she had taken and left behind, I thought of my beautiful sister with the voice of an angel who basically raised me most of my life, when I was a child and Mama was having one of her bad nights Fallon would crawl into my bed and hold me close tucking my head under the covers so I couldn’t hear Willows swearing she would hold me close and tell me one day I’d become a beautiful bird and fly away free. I thought of my brother such a beautiful gentle soul he taught me how to swim and how to look at nature in all its beauty it made me happy to think of the twins but there was no sign of this light Grace had spoken of.

 I tried other things going to University the day I got my acceptance letter I couldn’t of been happier I thought of my time in New York finding Sam and getting my first job then meeting Murr and moving into the apartment then meeting the guys that first night with them and that first kiss with Brian in Murrs kitchen his hands on my hips and beautiful brown eyes, how he looked like a teenager when he shaved and how deep his voice was when he laughed, the dance we shared at Joes wedding when I realised I loved this beautiful funny man. I felt happier but this light Grace had talked about still hadn’t come around it was only when I stopped trying did I realise Brian wasn’t here none of the guys were. I knew by the fact Fallon had come to visit that my family obviously knew I had been in an accident but why hadn’t any of my best friends come to see me did they even know? Or did they just not care enough? Any source of light that I had gathered up had faded as I slipped into the darkness alone and afraid.

I woke sometime a while later still unable to decipher what time it was I assumed by the sound of the doctors doing their rounds and checking the clipboards that it was morning I slipped in and out of consciousness eagerly expecting any visitors but none came. It might not have even been visiting time that’s what was so frightening about all of this I had no control I couldn’t look around me I couldn’t touch anything I just had to sit and listen and make out any sounds I could.

Grace came by at some point fussing around me as she always did singing softly to herself she was a soothing relief in this otherwise lonely cage. I sank into a bit of a depression her songs weren’t nice anymore they just made me feel sad I was barely listening to whatever she was saying as the arranged the locker by my desk “you had a visitor this morning dear a really sweet American man he left you these beautiful flowers before he left for the airport.” she told me softly my ears pricked up suddenly paying attention, Give me something to work with here Grace I thought to myself a name a description but she said no more.

Someone had actually come to visit and I missed it in my comatose state it told me though that they did know about the accident I smiled inside my head I was surprised I still knew what that was I thought of who it might have been if Grace had of given me even a little clue I could of guessed maybe even just by the flower Murr would have brought tulips like the bunch he got me the night I moved into the apartment or the bunch he bought me for my birthday Joe wouldn’t have brought flowers he would of tried to be funny with a handful of shamrocks or something like that, Brian would have been romantic with roses and Sal…? Sal would have brought Lillies he knew how much I loved them, he knew almost everything about me.

Suddenly a burst of light like a bulb that had blew a fuse then it was gone was that my spark? Sal? Why him? Sure he had that smile that could light the room and the way he gazed at the stars when we lay on the grass. The light grew brighter no he couldn’t be … I couldn’t. I was in love with Brian so why was I laying here feeling this beautiful light surround me I thought to all the glances and inside jokes we shared the late night movie marathons and early morning Brunches together the times we laughed so hard till he fell over and laughed harder. The light was all around now I felt warm and even strong…. Sal was a part of me. He kept me safe in New York and kept me sane here in Ireland through loosing Brian and getting him back then my mother dying Sal was by my side every mile but where was he now? Back in New York did he get his flight? The things he had said to me, the hate and hurt in his eyes when he walked away? The light was beginning to fade again. What if all the guys returned home and just left me here? Was that all I was worth a bunch of flowers and a flight home? Slowly the darkness consumed me the sickening abyss that was pulling me away from life. Any fight I had left in me was vanishing and I was letting it.

Soft strumming on a guitar woke me from the dark a time later, I strained over the static to hear the rattle of beaded bracelets and the smell of fresh salt water hair filled my nose Apollo? Yes it had to be him he played light familiar chords then singing beautiful and feminine… Fallon?

“Where you going freebird child

Running on the south wind over magnolias growing wild.

Trying to find your place to land among the stars

Live to dream my freebird child.”

 

Mothers song, Fallons voice sounded so like her I could almost hear our mammy singing it herself like she used to by the fire pit on her good nights when she hadn’t drank and we all acted like a family , what if I did die here? Would I see her again? Free as the wind and rain. I could be free from this cage I would only have to let go, I could feel myself fading but this wasn’t like before my breathing became slower.

Alarm bells started ringing around me Fallon screamed and Apollo yelled for a nurse I could hear them shouting something was placed over my mouth and a burst of oxygen was driven through my lungs, I fought so hard to let go but the doctors and nurses kept pushing I could hear Fallon sobbing outside the door, I gave into their help and fell into the familiar obscurity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go...


	36. Slán (Goodbye)

Hushed voices all around me when I woke Grace, Dr Pierce and that was definitely Fallons sniffle when she cried.

“We still don’t know the extent of the damage” Dr Pierce told her “She may not pull through”

“Maybe he’s right Fal, we can’t keep her trapped by machines like this, it’s not her.” Apollo consoled my Sister

Fallon didn’t speak though I could still feel her grip my hand oh how I wanted to squeeze her back tell her it was okay to let go, the only light I had had gone out he was half way across the world hating me.  

“I’m not letting you do it” a new voice enters the conversation at first I think I’ve just made it up in my head it’s only when he gets a reply from Fallon I realise its real

“I’m Sorry Brian it’s not your decision to make, as a non-blood relative or spouse you have no legal say in my sister’s end.”

“Maggie should have been my wife and if you lot hadn’t of forced her back home she could have been.” Brian shouts at my sister my heart is breaking to hear his voice again cracked and broken, I was so convinced I would die without hearing him again, I strain above the static to listen.

Apollo steps in to defend my sister “HEY you watch your mouth nobody forced SPARROW back home she came back and wanted to stay back here at home with her family”

“New York was her home fella! She loved it there and we loved having her there!” Brians voice is an anguished bark as he roars at my brother Apollos not backing down though he can bite back just as bad

“Well from what I heard she turned your proposal down before she even knew she was coming home!”

Brian takes in a gasp I hear him stand as the plastic chair slides across the floor Fallon is screaming as my brother and best friend reach for each other. I just want the shouting to end I hate myself for being the cause of all this negativity I think about drifting away into the darkness and dying right then and there just to make all the pain I’m causing them end, Until I hear a shout from the corner of the room.

“FOR FUCK SAKE” that’s definitely Liam’s voice who the hell else is in the room, obviously not Sal I think as McAllister tries to calm the men “Do yous think any of this is helping her! Brian whatever you might think this is Sparrows original home she did grow up here with people that loved her too and Fals right legally you have no say in what should happen but Fallon you should understand Quinn cares about her so deeply and is obviously finding this difficult as we all are” I lay stunned never in my short 23 years of living had I expected Liam to be the voice of reason in anything.

Fallon was quiet, Brian was quiet I was silently cheering Liam in my head for setting them both straight I lay wondering what that meant for me I couldn’t really tell how I felt about the fact they were willing to pull the plug on me of course I wanted to see my family again and be with them but I just didn’t have any spirit as Grace had said it I really didn’t have any fight left in me.

Fallon finally spoke her voice cracked “We need him in to say goodbye then wont we?”

Him as in Loki? They weren’t seriously going to bring Loki and Bartleby into the hospital where they?

“You know he won’t come” Apollo told her “seeing her in this way would break him” that’s my Loki I thought poor puppy must miss me.

My elder siblings left to go find Dr Pierce. As Grace stood beside me “Oh you poor little Flightless bird you’ll be with your Mama soon If only you could just hold on, you need to find the light.” 

I wish I could tell her I have no light there is nothing to make me hold on it was just about time to give up.

“Are you coming Brian dear?” I hear Grace ask as she tiptoes towards the door

“I’m uh I’m actually gonna stay with her for a little minute” he takes a seat beside me placing his hand on mine “Oh Maggie why did you leave us? Did I not make you happy enough? I could have made you happy Maggie I could have been better.”

My heart is breaking as I listen to him he thinks it’s all his fault when he was one of the best things to happen to me I loved him so much I wanted to pull him close to me and just tell him I was too tired to fight on I had lived my life I had done so many things but my time was up now, I would of told him how amazing he is and how much he meant to so many of his fans and that he needs to seize this opportunity to do amazing things to always be kind and always live every single day with as much passion for life as I had done.

He strokes my hand “You’ll never leave me Maggie Thorne, from the moon to the bottom of the sea I’ll never stop loving you and everything you were.” He kisses the top of my head I feel his beard brush my skin he says nothing before leaving the room.

The room grew quiet after that my breathing grows slower with every second I could feel myself getting weak I just need to hear my family’s voices once more but the darkness was taking over I’m not even sure I’ll make it until they come back.

 

What I assume is a few hours later I hear the door open and slow footsteps shuffle in

This is it, the final goodbye.

I think back on my life all the low points, when Willow abandoned us to go sit on the beach all night and drown herself in whiskey , but I also think of the happy times before she turned to drink when she used to sit us around the fire at night and sing old songs of peace and love when she used to read her angel cards every day praying for a solution to the depression that was consuming her. I picture her as a beautiful angel in a yellow dress coming to free me of my cage she’ll take me away and we’ll be free together.  I think on all the things I had achieved getting through university travelling the world meeting the love of my life and getting a second chance with him after I messed it up not everyone gets that, It was just as Fallon had said the night of Sals accident I have done a lot of things people would never do.

Fallon takes a seat beside me and I hear what sounds like Apollo climbing up onto a table I can imagine him in my head sitting cross-legged his dreads hanging behind him and tattoos that line his arms. I hear him pick up his guitar strumming softly a final song to send me off I think to myself. I can hear heavy breathing and silent sobbing there’s a weight on my chest I don’t want them to cry for me. Who’s that to my left I want to believe its Grace come to say goodbye but I can’t smell the Samsara perfume she covers herself in each day a familiar scent I’ve come to enjoy while being here

Fallon takes a deep breath and sniffles as Apollo ready’s his guitar

“Thanks for the Joy that you’ve given me,

I want you to know I believe in your soul rhythm and rhyme and harmony,

you helped me along making me strong

oh give me the beat boys and free my soul

I want to get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.”

She’s stopped she tells Apollo she can’t do it anymore she squeezes my hand and kisses me on the forehead I feel her warm tears fall on my face “I love you so much Sparrow I’ll think of you always with every wave that crashes, breeze that blows and bird that sings I’ll know it’s you telling me you’re there my baby girl you were always my baby girl and I loved you from the minute you were born I always felt you were my own daughter, look after Me and this little bean I’m carrying won’t you? Sleep tight little one.”

 I feel Apollo wrap something around my limp wrist the string of sea glass is cold on my skin “sweet dreams little Buddy” it’s the first time I’ve heard him cry I feel it ripping my heart in two the weight gets heavier I feel tired I think my siblings realise I don’t have much time as the alarm bells sound on the monitor a hidden hand mutes them. They’re leaving the room I want to fight but I just don’t the spirit.

There’s a sound again to my left it’s like hugging and muffled sobbing then footsteps towards the door. Then… silence

This is it time to be free little bird.

 

 

 

The unknown figure to my left takes my hand, I’m not alone? Is it Grace getting ready to pull the plug? The static is growing louder a quick sniff and a deep breath reassures me this isn’t a woman, “Sp…sparrow? Oh sweetie where have you gone” that voice.. Definitely not Brains too soft and too street to be Murrs it has to be him Sal! He hadn’t left? I’m so confused I feel him squeeze my hand “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you I didn’t want to see you like this you were so full of life please don’t leave us… don’t leave me. you’re too young for this there was so much you wanted to do and now… shit I don’t even know if you can hear me but if you can your family need you and I need you, before you I couldn’t even think of letting anyone into my life again then you crashed right into it and I can’t let you leave again this quickly” I hear a noise like paper unfolding “I uh wrote something for you, I thought of everything I’ve ever wanted to say and wrote it all down, I know you don’t love me and I know it’s wrong of me to love you but I just can’t help it Maggie” he gives a nervous cough “Phew I know this is completely out of character for me but here it goes,

Where did you come from Sparrow Thorne?

What heaven did you leap from little bird?

How can I say your name without the sound of summer underneath my tongue?

Without acknowledging the levers who bent me in half

Bless them for bringing me to you

How can I say your name without also breathing the words my god I’ve found you.

How can I speak again with this mouth when it has found where it belongs?

When you touch me I am a bed of roses

I would build a house for you and fill it with seashells and happiness

I would paint sunsets on every wall so you can only see beautiful things.

If you would just come back to us.

Dear love I was halved the moment I lost Libby

But the other piece of me is inside of your mouth

And I was found whole again the moment you spoke to me.

he’s stopped talking there’s a silence in the room I think he’s crying I’m crying inside if I was awake my tears would be flooding the room I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him it’s okay to let me go I feel him stroke my cheek it’s warm and safe I can’t tell if I’m dying or my hearts just breaking in two “you feel so cold” he says between sobs “I wish I had of told you how much I needed you I was going to until… as soon as I heard you screaming I came back but it was too late and AH FUCK” he’s shouting now “why couldn’t I have pulled you from that fucking water sooner!”

I don’t think I’ve heard him properly did Sal save me from the water? But he hates water? Did he risk it to save me? suddenly I’m transported back to the water it feels so real like a nightmare the water is filling my nose again I can’t breathe through the dark water I see a figure reaching out for me then its dark again the static is back again it feels like my ears will burst I can’t even hear Sal talking to me anymore in the darkness there’s a light coming towards me is this death? It must be because I feel so different it’s time to accept death but I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it kicking and screaming this is it the light surrounds me now I’m screaming like a new-born baby the sound fills my ears and blocks out all the static I can hear it echoing since when did death have walls? And a ceiling and …. Sal?

He stares open mouthed I can see him clear as day. the screaming must have been enough to alert everyone outside the door the tears are streaming down my face as I see my brother and sisters faces everyone takes turns squeezing me I just don’t quite have the energy to do it back I feel warm and safe.

 “Hey pretty lady” a familiar voice calls from the doorway probably the first time until just after his baby boy was born some years later I had ever seen Brian Quinn cry he’s smiling his hair is a mess and he looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks but he’s there my beautiful Quinn just seeing him fills me with so much joy he comes to me wrapping his huge arms around me hushing me softly as I continue sobbing into his now tear stained t-shirt. It’s only when Brian lets me go I see the hurt in Sal’s eyes he knew and I still loved Q nothing could stop that. I reach my weak and heavy arms out and beckon Sal to me he smiles brightly as I pull him in and take in that embrace of my best friend I have missed so much Sal engulfs me with his presence and I can feel just how much we need each other we are one person in this strange messed up world together and without each other we would be rendered useless. His stubble scratches my face as he kisses my forehead tens of times I felt at home in his arms as both of us continue to cry like babies.

My Salvatore, My best friend, My saviour.


	37. Epilogue

**15 years later**

The stars twinkle above Sheephaven as I sit filling out paperwork for the next month’s bookings The Willow Guesthouse has been thriving now for years not a week goes by during the summer when we don’t have our rooms fully booked, thankfully now towards the end of autumn the bookings ease up a little. Apollo helps out when he isn’t touring the small venue circuit with Shannon. We converted the stables into living quarters and use the house for guests. It makes me so happy inviting people to stay at my home and teaching them all about the coast the flora and fauna the history of the village and just making their stay comfortable and enjoyable.

The Gallery has been doing amazingly well too, most of Willows original photos are still on display along with contributions of my own, quite often a visitor will stop and ask me about the Impractically New York exhibit after recognizing “Those famous TV guys” and I’ll proceed to tell them the story of Sparrow Throne finding herself in New York thanks to these 4 amazing dummies.

Fallon moved from Willows home just before baby Shane was born the April after Mam died. An angsty but loveable teen now at 14 he leads the next generation of Sheephaven residents. Fal and Eamon were also blessed with baby Juno 4 years after Shane a kind hearted and gentle soul just like her Mama but a daddy’s girl at heart. After both her babies reached school age and she had nobody to look after during the day Fallon had so much time on her hands she became a part time carer for the elderly. I don’t believe she will ever lose her maternal spirit.

Apollo’s career has taken off amazingly he lives with me in the stables when he’s not on tour or traveling in his van always the journeying spirit my older brother spent a year in America starting in New York with the guys and finishing in Nevada at burning man not yet married nor do I think he ever will be Apollo is happy as the lone wolf he’s always been. He absolutely loves preforming and his confidence has grown amazingly.

Shannon and Bronach are happily married, the year after I returned home same sex marriage was made legal in Ireland and the nation celebrated the O’Reillys had a huge ceremony on the beach and 5 years later thanks to a donor they began their family little Maxie is now 8 and the ultimate water baby I’ve seen him operate a sail boat better than some grown adults.

Liam married after a few years of living with me and Apollo. One summer he fell head over heels with a beautiful Irish-Australian by the name of Aine Stone, she visited one year during her studies and fell in love with both Sheephaven and Liam 13 years later they have a beautiful family together a daughter who I am godmother to Paige is very much the ultimate wild child and lives up to her middle name of Rebyl. Whether it’s her constantly scraped knees or swinging in the trees causing Aine to panic she is noisy, colourful and thankfully takes very much after Auntie Sparrow. Paige will be 11 now in a few days’ time and she absolutely loves to torture her little brother Dexter James who is the most adorable fair haired little noise box you will ever meet. Little Dex is 5, being the youngest of the family children on the Irish side, overall he loses out to Joes second daughter Isabella who is now 4.

Speaking of the loveable rouges that are The Tenderloins they are all well and healthy, still living and breathing NYC although the TV show itself ended a few years back they remain the best of friends doing the occasional reunion tour together alongside their solo works. They usually take some time off each year to come see me. 4 years back for the guys joint 50th Eamon gave them a newly renovated home on a beautiful piece of land to share between them so for a few different weeks or sometimes all together on special occasions the guys with their families come to Sheephaven to the shared home for a holiday. We’ve spent many a memorable if not slightly drunken week getting together for food, laughs and bonfires on the beach.

 Joe and Bessy are still very much in love raising their family and collecting donations for the numerous charities they both support its terrifying to think Joes daughter Frankie is now 15. Francis or preferably Frankie Gatto was born soon after the accident a beautiful baby with a mess of brown hair has now grown into a beautiful young if not mischievous woman thanks to her dads influence. I’m now the age Joe was when I first met him I feel crazy old. Joe and Bessy spent an ever so romantic 10th wedding Anniversary here a few years ago just before the announcement of Baby Bella’s arrival. The Gattos still spend a week or so here every few years Joe ever much the doting father is still as childish and loveable as he has always been.

Murr has taken a hand at writing and acting having produced quite a few successful TV  shows so far, he wouldn’t tell you about it though as always James Murray is the humble sweet guy he always was. Murr visits often to catch up and take Lynda on romantic breaks they moved in together not long after I left and are actually arriving next week with Lynda’s older son from her first marriage to begin planning for their wedding we will hold right here at the house and gardens next spring. It will be a great chance for both sides of my family to reunite again. Although I visit New York twice a year it has been sometime since all 8 who sat around the breakfast table that week mama died have come together in a good few years. 

As for Brian Quinn the lovable rogue who stole my heart and never returned it he still lives in Staten Island I doubt even an apocalypse could move him from there. I see him in person usually around 4 sometimes 5 times a year depending on our schedule Christmases, Easter holidays/spring break and two weeks over the summer without fail. A little more grey now than he was and fast approaching 54 Q remains the cutest dork and serial flirter there is I am never surprised at some of the bad pick-up lines Sal tells me about that come from my best friend’s mouth when trying to impress ladies in bars Brian has settled down a lot more now and has almost completely left his womanizing days behind. Still living in his Batchelor pad with multiple kitties Brian remains as yet unmarried with a son a surprise to everyone the younger Quinn is now a gorgeous blue eyed, fluffy haired boy of 12 who has the same undeniable charm and sharp wit of his father.

Sal Vulcano is still very much the same I see him as much as I can and we Skype often it took us both a long time to get used to not seeing each other nearly every day he stayed for around a month or so after I was released from the hospital refusing to leave my side and still to this day apologises for the things he said. For the first few weeks after he left we would video call each other and just stay on the phone all day doing our own individual things. During one of his stays with a lot of persuading from me we finally had our first swim together without any accidents it gave him back a lot of confidence and Sal has now taken up quite a keen hobby of water sports when he comes to stay helping out around the Surf school with Bronach when he can. Sal also began dating again although no woman has managed to win the Vulcano heart quite yet he still admits drunkenly from time to time that he still thinks we should have been together I do get a twinge in my stomach when I imagine what if. As of recently the last time we spoke a few days ago he was doing laundry to begin packing for his next tour with Brian he was so excited to get back on the road again with his best bud of almost 40 years.

I still have a soft spot for New York City and absolutely love the weeks I spend there each year but I always feel I made the right choice settling down in Ireland and raising my family. When I look back on my last 38 years of life, I’m always so thankful for that one day in March 16 years ago two guys just happened to walk into a coffee shop in New York City that I was working in and changed my life forever. I barely remember a time before Gatto, Vulcano, Murray and Quinn were in my life making each and every day I spent with them a new adventure. Each guy so different with individual qualities but as a collective I don’t think I’d ever seen a Brotherhood come through all the shit they had and still remain the strongest friends I knew.

I have a full house of kiddies tonight as Fallon and Eamon are on a romantic break away leaving me to babysit Shane and Juno along with Paige McAllister who insisted on staying not wanting to be left out but the rumour is she has a thing for my own baby boy, I have to remind myself he’s not a baby anymore my little or rather not so little Salvatore is growing up far too fast even more than I can handle the teen years are fast approaching and as a mother they terrify me but I do believe I’ve done a pretty okay job so far. I’m pretty sure that’s him I can hear tiptoeing around the kitchen I give a cough to let him know he’s been caught out, he guiltily smiles at me from the kitchen doorway stepping into the night air and taking a seat beside me he gazes up at the stars amazed the wonder and beauty of it all reflected in his eyes.

“You should really be asleep if you want Uncle Apollo to take you and your cousins surfing tomorrow” I warn him gently it’s so difficult to be mad at him for anything he has permanent puppy eyes that make my heart melt. 

He gives me a cheeky laugh still looking at the stars “Hey mam, we were googling our names earlier and you wanna know what mine means?”

“I know what it means” I giggle to him pulling him into the blanket I have wrapped around my shoulders “I chose it didn’t I? It means Saviour I once had someone I love very much save me from a dark place and when you came along you were so tiny and precious but made me so happy you became my second little saviour”

“It was Uncle Sal wasn’t it?”

I nod at my Son he looks up to his godfather so much and loves to spend time with him when we visit New York “You’re right, it was Uncle Sal I named you after”

Salvatore smiles at this he looks at the ground rubbing his bare foot along the grass “Do you miss my Da being here?”

I frown at the young boy what a question to be asking “I do sweetie, I miss a lot of people but you and I are a good team aren’t we and if circumstances were different we’d be like any other family and that would be too boring for us.” I kiss his forehead shooing him off to bed and get back to my paperwork over the snoring of the sleepy puppy at my feet I hear the faint creak of the biscuit cupboard closing “SALVATORE HUDSON QUINN you better get yourself up to bed before I cut both your thumbs off” I roll my eyes Salvatore gives a deep familiar laugh his voice on the verge of breaking “Night Mam, Love ya” he calls

 I play with the sliver ring on a chain around my neck “To the moon and back baby bird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end....


	38. Additional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little trivia chapter as promised.

Okay guys that is Saviour wow thank you so much for reading it has been some journey I have loved every minute I typed and every second I spent reading your reviews and watching the reader numbers go up and up each day. As I promised a few days back here are a few facts and trivia about the writing of Saviour if you wanna stick around to read them there is an announcement regarding sequels and also the soundtrack at the end of every song I used or songs I listened too while writing the chapter to help get the feel of it. Also please feel free to give a little review or comment and tell me what you thought of the ending or even the whole thing. Ta Ta for now.

P.S for updates on future sequels and more IJ content follow me on twitter @sofiaofwesteros 

Potential spoilers ahead!!!

1\. So Saviour was started on the 4th of September and finished on the 18th of October I wrote almost every day sometimes one or two chapters in a day.

2\. The first chapter I wrote was Maggie's coma it was very different to the final draft that it is now but the outline was the same.

3\. Originally in the first draft of the coma was Maggie realising she was in love with Sal after a whole cat and mouse chase through the story of them both having feelings but not confessing them.

4\. Another draft had Sal visiting her the night of Joes wedding and confessing his love for her after Q had taken her to the wedding but cheated on her but the reviews were so positive for Maggie and Q to stay together it was ultimately changed.

5\. Sheephaven (or the Irish Translation of Cuan na gCaorach )is a real place in Donegal, North West of Ireland although it's not a village it's a stunningly beautiful coastal area called Sheephaven bay. In my mind I based Sheephaven on two villages in the real life Sheephaven bay called Dunfanaghy and the downing's and also the village of Marble Hill mentioned in one chapter is actually a beach. If you had your own vision of what it looked like that's great but if you would like to see what I seen when I pictured it feel free to look the villages up on google including Sheephaven bay they will honestly take your breath away.

6\. The cathedral town of Letterkenny is a real place it's a gateway from Northern Ireland into Donegal. 

7\. The Irish characters originally had very different names Apollo was Breeze, Liam was Caomhan but I felt nobody would be able to pronounce it its KEY-VAN if you're wondering. Maggie/Sparrows name was changed the most with Ophelia,Jupiter,Harmony and Nova all suggested at one point.

8\. Apart from The Tenderloins whose full names I already knew along with Bessie Gatto, Andy the dick and Sam's daughter Cassidy every other character in the book was given a middle and last name and an age though not all are mentioned.

9\. I value each and every one of my readers and am so honoured to have you read my story but I need to say a super special thank you to Zidjian459 who was with me from the first day I published chapter one and who became my loyal reviewer and advisor for the whole experience, Thank you friend.

10\. Also 2 special thank yous too Music_boxx and Emma for being so kind in their reviews and giving me motivation to keep writing.

11\. In another version Sparrow/Maggie was killed off completely but I felt that was way too horrible.

12\. Over the last month and few weeks the amount of hours I spent writing the story each day adds up to about 11 full days.

13\. I accidentally smashed my USB pen just after chapter 29 was published (I honestly cried for about 3 hours) but luckily hadn't written much past that chapter anyway and had to re-write anything I lost.

14\. I filled 3 notebooks with key words, full character descriptions, chapter plans and ideas for sequels/prequels

15\. I would start my chapter plans with just a bunch of key words of topics I wanted to include just listing them down a page and starting from there the very first plan for the whole story went like this- coffee, New York, Regular customers – friendship = possible romance? Apartment, hanging out, phone call, mother sick/dying, home, trouble, argument, accident, coma, confession, awake, ending.

16\. As of now I have a few more stories in the Maggie/IJ universe planned which are

An impractical Christmas – Maggie returns to New York for the holidays, Things have changed Quinn's got a new girlfriend and Maggie feels pushed out of the picture 

Runaway - while on tour Sal gets bored and craves some sort of adventure, taking an uptight hotel receptionist he just met along for the ride.

There's also some ideas floating about with how Maggie and Quinn coped raising baby Salvatore which I will finish and publish if anyone really wants to read them let me know.

All 3 and maybe more should be coming your way shortly.

17\. Total word count = 63,542 words and 190 pages wow.

Soundtrack

Chapter 6 The Mamas and The Papas – California Dreaming

Scott McKenzie - San Francisco

Chapter 12 Norah Jones – come away with me

Chapter 19 Elton John – Tiny Dancer

Chapter 25 Eagles – Desperado

Chapter 29 Pocahontas – Just around the river bend

All I want – Kodaline and also covered by Ellie Goulding

Chapter 33 Scars – James Bay

She talks to angels – The Black Crowes

Chapter 36 Freebird Child – Tammy Van Zant ( I'm honestly not a fan of the way she sings but I felt the lyrics fit so well I couldn't leave it out)

Chapter 37 rewrote version of Mary Lambert – Dear love

Others that I listened too but didn't include

Ellie Goulding- Dead in the water (Sparrows coma)

Twin Atlantic – Brothers and Sisters (Sparrow reuniting with her family)

Skylar Grey – Coming home (sparrows return to Sheephaven)

Bon Iver – I can't make you love me. (Sals lullaby to Maggie)

Twin Atlantic – Hold on

Peter Gabriel – The book of love (just thought it was pretty)

**Author's Note:**

> please review!!! :)


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